OMG, I need new clothes...

Everything feels too big!

Yeah... the five day pouch test... just kidding

I didn't even make it through an entire day of the pouch test. I made it all day at work and then got home and felt TERRIBLE. So... I ate a big salad with chicken and cheese and nuts. A good choice... just not my original plan. I decided I was not going to try for day two today. I am not sure why, but instead I have been back on the calorie counting track... so far so good.

I forgot how bad liquids sucked.

5 day pouch test

I have been wanting to give this a try for some time now... this week seemed like the perfect time. I don't know what my deal is lately but I have been pbing quite a bit lately. I think it is because I keep trying to eat foods that just don't work (toast in the morning) drinking while eating... ect. I also think I have gotten into a nasty cycle of pbing... eating... pbing because I am swollen, ect. It is just so strange... I had excellent restriction a couple weeks ago... then one day... much much less.

I did weigh myself this morning to get an idea of where I am at so that I can compare with my post pouch test results. I am up.... up about 5 lbs. This freaks me out because it just sort of proves that I can't trust myself without the regular weighing and calorie counting. I will have to talk to the therapist about this tomorrow.

So, anyway... today is day one of the pouch test. So far I have had a sugar free pudding, a protein drink, and I am currently sipping on chicken broth. I am also trying to get lots of water in. Hopefully by the end of this pouch test I can get things back to normal... stop the pouch abuse and lose some of the lbs I have gained.

Happy Monday!

Catching Up

I had a very busy weekend, my parents were in town and we celebrated my birthday (for three days straight). I did a lot of eating, not always good choices, but hey... my birthday only comes once a year. I am now trying to get myself back on the straight and narrow so that I can have a few good weeks before Thanksgiving eating comes about.

I still haven't weighed myself, but from the way my clothes fit, I would say I am staying right about the same... with maybe a few pounds gained from the weekend. I am not planning on weighing myself again until November 16th and I hope to see at least a small positive change by then.

I have had a really weird change in restriction. I have loosened up considerably and made an appointment for a fill. However, I am sort of liking the fact that I was able to eat 1/2 piece of whole wheat toast and an egg for breakfast (which has stayed with my since I ate it at 9 this morning, no lunch yet). I feel like sometimes I get so tight I am limiting good foods out. Of course when I have less restriction I must use more self control to make good decisions. I purposely scheduled my fill a couple weeks out.. the 18th... so that I could decide what I really wanted.

That is pretty much all I have to report! Hope you are all great, I am going to get to reading the blogs now!

Size 12!

I found this really great size 12 dress in my closet I bought a couple years ago as a goal dress for one of my failed diet attempts. I put it on today and it is perfect. Sorry about the blurry picture... my battery died mid photo shoot!

My birthday is tomorrow

and I am trying to wrap my mind about a new way of thinking. I haven't been blogging much, or even reading blogs because I am really trying to focus on myself. I am confused about my feelings about this whole weight loss experience. I love my band... love that I have lost nearly 90 lbs, and feel amazing. However, I just don't know if this was what I thought it would be. As I had said in a previous post I am seeing a therapist again. I really like here and feel like I had a major "ahah" moment this week.

I think I am going to take a break from the numbers, take a break from the scale and just live my life. I spend so much time counting calories, obsessing about what I am going to eat, and just not trusting myself. It is time for me to learn how to trust myself, rely on myself. So my goal is to try not to weigh myself for two weeks. I am going to just do what feels right and see how that works. I am going to just be me.

I hope you are all doing well! Have a great end of the week.

Friday Weigh In

Down 1.2 lbs. I had a less than banner eating week so I am happy. Now to get below 170 by next week... I can lose 1.8 lbs in a week right?! I think so!

Happy Friday!