Happy Monday!

Back to the grind today. I had a fantastic weekend of relaxing, cooking, and exercise. I ate really well, worked out 5 times last week and hope to see some continued movement into the 160's. I have a busy week ahead of me, and a really strange schedule because I work Saturday and Sunday this week. The weather is extremely cold here...6 degrees this morning and I just can't get warm!

Sending you all good vibes for the week ahead!

Friday Weigh- In

Down 1 lb to 169 lbs. I will take it. I am back in the 160's and I am staying. I am not going back to the 170's again!

Happy Friday!

I Can Totally Relate!

After I read Amy W's post about her "naked cry" I felt like I could have written that post. Lately, I have been bouncing back and forth between how much progress I have made and how I will always be fat. I feel like I just can't get out of the 170's and stay out. I keep bouncing up and down in the 160's back to the 170's. I have a really good week and feel great, just to be followed by a really hard week.

I know I have come a long way, I know I have lost a lot of weight. But I am really struggling now. I know who and where I want to be but I just can't seem to get there. I have had a great week. I am back to working out and feeling strong and making good food choices. But I still can't help but feel like I just haven't done enough, that I will never get there.

Blah... I talked to my therapist about this today. We are working on this together. I don't want to compare myself to others or decide on a goal weight based on what other people expect of me or think is a good weight for me. I want to be happy being me... and I will.

Step aerobics at 6 am tomorrow, hell yes!

Pizza= yum

It is my typical Tuesday night.. I work until 9. Tuesday are always interesting for me because I usually eat two meals at work. For lunch I had one of those DiGiorno 200 Calorie Portions pizzas. It was really good and the perfect size for a Lap Bander. It isn't the most nutritious thing I could eat but it is 200 calories and 10 grams of protein. For dinner I had this salad with cucumbers, chick peas, cheese, and vinaigrette. It was delicious!

I am still having that adjust period to my current fill level. I pb much easier now (verses when I was really tight). I am not sure why this is, but it has always been the case for me when I am a little looser. I have to be more aware of the way things are going down because it is way more possible they will come back up.

This week has already been a busy one for me and I suspect it is only going to get busier. It is also my annual review on Friday... something I never look forward to. We are assigned new yearly goals and it is always really overwhelming.

On the weight front, I haven't really seen much movement of the scale but there will be no official news until I weigh myself on Friday.

Restriction update

So as I sit here eating my "big salad" lunch (lettuce, cucumbers, egg, feta, chicken, craisins, and vinaigrette) I am trying to get a good sense of my restriction. In all honesty, I had gotten used to REALLY TIGHT. I had been overfilled since my last fill in late September and just figured I would work with it until it loosened up.

I learned a very important lesson from this all... when you are too tight you eat what you can and what is easiest. This makes it very hard to eat what is *best* for you body and health. I was shying away from "real foods" and instead eating things mushy... in fact, I had been putting chicken in the food processor to make what I like to call "chicken dust" to add to other mushy foods. It actually wasn't that bad, but when I would tell people about, of even looking back now, it is a little bizarre.

I am happy to be able to eat nutritious and filling foods again, I am happy to think about all the healthy options I can welcome back to my diet. It really is exciting. However, with this new looser band I will have be a far more responsible eater because I can eat a lot more. I am probably even on the looser side of restriction even. I can eat without too much chewing and I can eat relatively fast. I can drink while I eat... but I still have the gurgle when I eat yogurt in the morning.

At this point I am just going to roll with it and make the weight loss happen. Looking back I did my most excellent losing when I had ZERO restriction (granted that was the first 6 months after surgery and I was committed to the extreme).

Happy Saturday!

Weighed in this morning at...

170 lbs which is 4 down from my holiday gain of 6lbs! I am happy with that and feel like I am on a path to better things. I also got a .5cc unfill this morning. SO MUCH BETTER! But... also maybe too good. I will update you all tomorrow when I am able to feel it out better.

Happy Weekend for those who are lucky enough to have it... me.. I have to work tomorrow. :)

Quick Update and Horrifying Picture

So I called my doctor today to see if I could get in for the unfill sooner then next Friday and I have an appointment for tomorrow morning. I am really having trouble with my current level and have been getting heartburn and a lot of pain while eating. I am so relieved to be getting it taken care of tomorrow!

Also, I wanted to post this horrible picture my mom sent me from June 0f 2009 with a current picture. Obviously the before picture couldn't be more horrible or less flattering but I thought it was a good likeness to who I was (both inside and out).