Dear God, I am tight.

I am struggling again. I don't know what is going on. Everytime I get sick, it seems it has residual effects on my restriction. I got sick again a couple weeks ago, have finally recovered and pretty much can only eat semi-solids unless I have some wine first. Bad habits can come about pretty fast with this kind of restriction. Since it isn't an emergency, I just scheduled an appointment later in the week (on Thursday) for a small unfill. The same thing happened last time I got sick. I had a 1cc unfill that time (and was perfect until I got sick again) and now need another one. I am tired of not being able to eat good solid protein. I am living off of soup, but that is getting old.

Blech... hope you are all well!

It is true...

I gained 3 lbs. Boo hiss... I have been having WAY too much fun and drinking WAY too much wine (and other adult beverages). Time to get back to serious. I am starting the 17 day diet tomorrow with a friend of mine... it is essentially good lap band eating. I can be stellar for 17 days right?!

It is time to talk.

I lived off of orange juice and ice cream last week. The scale was up. I have been clean for 2 days and it is hard! I still struggle with food choices, though some times it seems so easy. Most of the time I still have to work really hard to make good decisions. My weight problem is primarily a mental problem. At some point in my life I starting thinking of food in a different way. I would fantasize (still do) and dream about it.

I start to think that maybe I don't have these problems anymore... and then wham... something happens and I want to feel good and I think,"Ice cream will make me happy". 7 days later and and a few pounds up I realize food does not make me feel better. I had heartburn and stomach aches...and general shit feeling. Ice cream has become my go to when I want a fix. It tastes really fantastic and it doesn't stick.. I don't have to chew it.. and I can eat it as fast as I want. Something about all those things makes it my dream food.

I am in therapy, and I am learning strategies, but I will always struggle with food. I wish I could say Lapband "fixed" my problems, but it didn't. It has only helped me manage. Here is to two days ice cream free! Happy Tuesday!

Nothing to see here...

I have had no movement on the scale... at least not in the right direction. I have been sick... and still feel like crap. I went to the doctor last Tuesday, had an ear infection and bronchitis. I took all my antibiotics... still feel crappy, thought not as bad. I am not exercising. I have not been watching my food, blah. I hate being sick. I also had to work the weekend so I am on day 3 of 7 which isn't helping me feel better.

However, all these things aside, I am not all that cranky. I have super fun weekend plans and need to feel better by Saturday.

If you don't have anything good to say...

You all know the saying. I am in a crappy mood and don't have anything good to say. I am sick... AGAIN... with some sort of cold and I am getting so tired of this. I don't sleep well, I don't want to exercise and my eating is out of wack. I am tired and cranky.

I took tomorrow off and don't work Thursday or Friday because I work Saturday and Sunday (yeah not awesome). So I am hoping I can recover and get back to feeling like myself. The thing that sucks is that my husband is not working this week because of mid-winter break (he is a teacher) and I was looking forward to doing something fun. Now I will probably just lay on the couch. Wow, this is a serious pity post.

In other news, I have also come to the realization that I have to work for every ounce of weight lost. It doesn't just happen when I am trying to do well. I have to be on top of my game 100% or else nothing happens. This week my game has been bad, therefore no big reward on the scale. O well, thus is life.

Take care and stay healthy all!

165

I squeaked by with a 1 lb loss this week. Today I was exactly 165. That also put me at 95 lbs down total! I am only 20 lbs from my goal, and 5 pounds from that magical 100 lb down mark. However, I am seeing my losses at a much slower rate now. I hope to get to 100 down by April 1st and my goal by July 1st. None the less.... I will just keep on plugging away!

Happy Friday!

Yesterday was great, but today feels better.

I had a wonderful day yesterday. I ate whatever I wanted, had an amazing dinner date with my husband (who sent me flowers at work) and slept so good last night. But you know what... today has been even better. I got up this morning, hoped on the treadmill and ran a few miles. I ate a healthy lunch and packed a healthy dinner and snack for work and headed out the door.

And what feels really great about this all is that, this is just my life. Yeah, I ate whatever crap I wanted to yesterday, and yeah today I did what was natural and made good food choices and got some exercise. That is the life I lead, and I am good at. I feel happy, healthy, and in control and part of that control is knowing when it is okay to say yes to that Cold Stone. Today is not the day, but yesterday was, and maybe sometime in the next couple months I will say yes again.

It took me nearly a year and a half with the band to finally figure that out.