Making Good Choices

I am still struggling... a lot. I have not gone back to my doctor which is very bad. I have, however, had three very successful days full of good choices. I have come to the conclusion that I can only eat thick liquids/soft foods before dinner time. I have been having protein shakes for breakfast every morning and soup for lunch. If I try to eat something more substantial.. I get stuck and puke. Then I am starving and eat ice cream because it is the only thing I can get down. I feel like there are more and more things I can't eat.

I am not happy with my band and have been talking about other options with my husband. I feel like this just isn't the way it should be working. My doctor seems hesitant to take out any fill because he is worried I will gain weight. I am still 22 lbs up from my lowest low.

Life, however, is just life as usual. I am enjoying all other things my life has to offer. I am more concerned with health than weight at this time... thought i would like to get back down to my low.

Anyway, best to all of you!

So I haven't posted in a long time...

Because I have not been living the band dream, or doing what I am supposed to.. and as a result... I am up oww 30 lbs from my lowest. I have had a lot of trouble with my band lately (as in the last year). I have had multiple unfills and fills and vomit a lot and have repeated issues with heartburn and reflux. There is nothing wrong with my band (or so they say). I have started seeing the PA at my surgeons office and she feels it is because of the aggressive fills my surgeon does. She thinks I need to start over very slowly and work my way back to restriction.

I also know a big chunk of the problem is me. I get frustrated and force foods I shouldn't, don't take time to let my band recover.. don't do liquids when I should and so on. So... here we are again at the start over point. I am okay with that. I have spent the past six months really struggling with the loss of my husbands grandma, who was extremely important to both he and I. She was more like a mother to my husband and myself as well.

We have also been under a lot of financial stress... my husband is a teacher and it seems they are the current political target and are apparently way over paid... We have both taken pay cuts the past few years and as things get tighter I seem to let go in other parts of my life.

I don't think I have been hiding from my blog, but more so too lazy to really care. I am going to try to recommit to my blogging in hopes that is helps keep me motivated. I also wanted to keep it real here is band land. This is so not easy... even with this big help.

I got a fill

I got a 1 cc fill today. As usual, I can't really see much difference yet, but my fills take about 2 weeks to fully kick in. I was down a couple pounds this morning. I have been working for that couple pounds. I am trying to recreate some of my "early success" menus that had the pounds falling off in the first year of my band. I think one of my biggest problems is my lack of fear. I no longer fear a stuck or pb situation. I try things I should probably avoid just to challenge my band. This probably goes with my whole authoritative issues. I have always been one for challenging the limits.

It is almost the weekend! Yeah for weekends.

33 lbs to go...

I have 33 lbs to lose to get to my goal. I would like to get to my goal by August of next year. That shouldn't be too hard right?! Yeah, right. Being that last year I pretty much lost nothingish. I am going for a fill tomorrow and hope some restriction is in my near future. Lately, it seems this has been a tricky thing. I am too tight or have very little restriction. I am having a hard time finding that happy medium.

I have no given up though. The most pleasing part of the band is that you can always start over and start working it. We all know half the battle is making the right choices, and that is something I only do some of the time. I have big plans for a big tattoo when I hit goal. I would think that would motivate me more.

Happy hump day!

2 years banded, and an update

I just recently passed my 2 year bandiversary (on September 2nd) and though it wasn't particularly spectacular, I still have some thoughts about that. First of all, this year has by far been much harder then the first. Mostly because I had lots of issues with my band, spent a good chunk of the year unfilled or partially filled, and am sitting about 10 lbs heavier then I was at this time last year.

With that said, I am still pretty pleased with my decision to have my band. I don't remember any other time in my life where I have kept off this amount of weight for this amount of time. I also think this 3rd year will be a charm. I am going in on Friday to get another fill that will hopefully get me near my sweet spot. I am looking forward to being on the losing end of the band game again.

This process hasn't been easy for me... but I still feel it has been a great success. I have overcome many challenges in the last couple years and plan to only continue on that path. My weight will always be a challenge, and food will always sing it's dirty little siren song. Now, I just have a little extra help in my back pocket. So.. here's to another even better banded year!

In other news, I had to cancel on BOOBS. My husband is a teacher, and in MI we are dealing with some really crappy contract situations. We are not certain what his final contract will look like, but it isn't looking very good. I am too nervous to spend money right now and this trip is just out of my reach at this time. I am sure those of you going will have a fantastic time and I wish I could be there!

Fill... Finally!

I didn't have a fill scheduled until September 1st, and I have been pretty much empty since early May. So, in an act of desperation I called my doctor this morning and begged him to squeeze me in. He did and I got a 4 cc fill bringing me up to 5.5 ccs. I drank some water and left his office happy I finally had restriction. About a half an hour later that water started coming back up. I called my doctor in a panic and had to go get an unfill via a different doctor in his office. I had 2 ccs taken out, they had suggested 1 but I was panicked after puking up water and acid. So now I am sitting pretty with 3.5 ccs. Liquids seem to be going down fine and I have had a couple crackers. I kept my September 1st appointment and I am sure I will need another fill by then.

Anyway, I am so glad to be getting back some sort of restriction and hope to get back on track ASAP.

BOOBS

I am going to BOOBS!!!!!!!!!