Monday, a not so hungry day

Yesterday I was starving all day long. I worked 12-6 and was busy the entire time but I was still starving! I wanted to eat everything in site. I did eat way more then usual during the day but was able to tame the hunger beast by the time I left work. I got home around 6:20 and made myself some salmon. I don't like fish but I am working towards a better relationship with it.

I am learning more to eat for fuel and not so much for fun. I have found incorporating fish has worked wonders for that. I don't hate it but I don't find a great deal of pleasure in it either.

Today I am not hungry. I have eaten a few small things but just don't really want to eat. I put a pork loin in the crock pot before I left for work this morning. I am thinking that will smell good when I get home and I am going to roast some fingerling potatoes. I am not worried about not eating enough. I don't seem to have a problem getting in the calories!

Working Sundays is always a downer

But Sundays are also time and a half. So I bit the bullet and decided to actually work this Sunday (I usually give them away). To add to the drama of Sunday, I am working in the children's department today (I am the teen services librarian and NEVER work in the children's department). I am not used to the questions about tall tales and fairy tales. I am more used to, "Where do I find the book about....uhhh... doing it".

I did manage to get my workout in as well as a healthy brunch before heading to work. I have been working out everyday for at least 30 minutes and I can feel a big difference! I do aerobics and light weight sculpting.

I also decided to start cleaning out my closet this morning. I realized that I had a lot of ugly clothes just because I was fat. I decided I was getting rid of all the ugly stuff if it fit or not. I am so not the type to wear sequins or rhinestones, however, it seemed the heavier I got the more I wore of those. It is funny to me how so many plus size clothes have these gross little details. Its like if you are fat you need to detract from you size with sparkly things.

I did also have some items that were too big. All in all I got rid of 5 garbage bags of clothes. I donated them to a local women's shelter that was asking for plus size clothing donations. It felt so good to get rid of stuff. My closet has been stuffed to the gills with a million different sizes of clothes "just in case". I decided there was no more just in case so as soon as it doesn't fit or I know I won't wear it anymore... away it goes.

And the scale said.....

Another 2.2 lbs down!! Woohoo! That puts me at a grand total of 24.6 lbs down! I wish I could have made it an even 25lbs but I am not complaining. I guess watching what I eat and exercising is really working. Who would have guessed?! :) Right now I am pretty much running on motivation and will power as I have ZERO restriction. However, I really want to do the best I can even before my first fill so I have been working hard.

The other exciting part of this is that my BMI is actually below 40! I am in the 30 now. That is extremely exciting! I am also 1.3 lbs away from my 10%. That makes my weight loss seem like so much more then 24.6 lbs when I think of it as 10%.

Nothing else to report on this rainy cold day in MI. I am going to my first support group meeting tomorrow. I will report back on that.

My therapist already knows me better then I know myself!

Today, I went for my second appointment with my new therapist. Technically this is the 3rd time because he did my pre-op evaluation, but as a real patient.. this is the 2nd. I really really like this doctor. He is kind and understanding and already knows the real me. I had a really great session with him today and I left feeling good about things I have felt bad about for years. One of the things we talked about today was my two sides to my personality.

I have always been very creative and went on to get an bachelors of Fine Arts. I love art, I love creating it, admiring it, critiquing it...everything about it. However, after college I ended up doing jobs that I did not feel passionate about to pay the bills while doing artsy things on the side. One day I got tired of the not passionate feelings and decided I would get my Master of Library Science. So... now I am a librarian and LOVE my job. To me books were always pieces of art and now I am around them all the time.

I am a teen services librarian... so that means dealing with and getting to know all the people going through the angstiest part of their lives (the part I struggled with the most). I love all my kids. I see so much of me in many of them, and I am so proud when they have successes in their lives. In many ways I am still struggling with the things I struggled with in high school... feeling like I fit in... calming my manic side... and most importantly, staying true to Anna.

My therapist made me feel really good today. He made me understand that there is nothing wrong with this Anna and that I shouldn't stifle my creativity or passions. I think not being myself has been part of the eating... I feel like I have to fit a mold... be the person other people want me to be.

Enough of this heavy stuff... tomorrow is weigh in day! I hope I have a loss to report, but I will report even if it is with a gain.

One month with Clarence

Today marks the one month anniversary of my band. My husband kindly named my band "Clarence" shortly after my surgery. I like the name...some how it fits. So at the one month point I feel good. I am not sure if my weight has changed at all but I will weigh myself on Friday. All in all, 4 weeks out and 1 week pre-op, I feel good about my 22 lb loss. I feel healthier and stronger now. I work out 5-6 days a week and am proud of the changes I have made. I am looking forward to my first fill which will happen October 20th.

I am still staying full for quite a while but I still have cravings and deal with the emotional side of eating. When I got dressed this morning my pants felt loose and I feel like I look better in my clothes. I am not technically in a smaller size yet but I can start wearing some things that weren't fitting pre-op. I am very happy with my band and the success Clarence and I have had together.

Water drama

So, I have a couple kinds of water drama these days. First of all... I woke up this morning and we had NO water. I had worked out the night before and quickly showered but didn't wash my hair. I wanted to work out before work (I work 12:30 pm- 9:00 pm on Tuesdays). So I came up with this plan to work out and it worse came to worst I would melt ice cubes and use whatever water I could find to wash my hair and "sponge bath" myself. Well, fortunately, the water was back on by 10 and I got a really good hour work out in.

On to my other water drama. I am supposed to be drinking 72 oz of water a day, so says my Doctor. So.. how the hell am I supposed to do that when it takes me so long to eat and I have to wait an hour before and after eating. I am working on a system.. but sipping and waiting is taking so long.

Monday morning, and a new week

Happy Monday morning all. First off, I had some of that Weight Control instant oatmeal this morning and it was so gross. I hate the texture of that stuff. I had instant oatmeal in the past and remembered not liking it but I thought I could suck it up. Wrong, I got through 1/3 of it and was too grossed out to continue. O well.... save me some calories! I had a fantastic Sunday yesterday. I kickboxed in the morning for about 45 minutes and later that evening we took the dog to the park and walked for an hour and a half. The weather was absolutely beautiful and it was so nice to be outside.

We also visited my husbands family yesterday and for the first time since my surgery....... I had pie. I had a tiny tiny piece of chocolate cream pie and O MY GOD. It tasted so good. I was satisfied with the little piece and was happy I was able to join in and have some and not feel deprived. I am technically not supposed to have that stuff yet but I wanted it so bad and I didn't want to not have it and resent my band.

I felt in control for once, what a great feeling!