The Sleeve is a Strange Animal

So... I lost my motivation, and then I found it again, and then I lost it for a couple of days and then I found it again.  I am trying to string together enough days of motivation to start making a difference.  My anxiety has been through the roof lately, and I just don't handle eating well when I am in a place of panic.  It becomes the least important thing to me even though I know eating well improves my anxiety. 


I have had chronic anxiety my whole life... and I am on meds which help a lot.  Lately I am wondering if I need my dose upped.  Anyway, I am not looking for sympathy or excuses.  I just want to keep it real.


On to my sleeve story.  In January I will be two years out from my sleeve surgery.  I had a band for nearly 3 years before that and felt like I had a pretty good handle on the basics of eating post weight loss surgery.  Today, I was eating dinner at work (I work until 9) and I was eating some plain baked chicken (forgot the bbq sauce) and brown rice and some carrots.  I was eating at a fairly good clip because I had lots of stuff to get done.  I do this often and it is never a problem.  Well after I finished eating I was sitting at my desk working on stuff and I started to feel really nauseous..  Then I started having stomach pain.  I can't tell you how long it has been since I have been "stuck".  For God sake, I can easily eat 2 pieces of pizza while driving if I want to with no issues.  After about a half an hour it was getting worse and I knew I was going to puke.  I bet it has been a year since I have puked from a sleeve related reason.


After I thought about it, all the food I ate was really dry.  Also rice could potentially be a problem sometimes but hasn't been for months.  I got cocky, and I pushed my stomach... and I paid.  My misdeeds have been noted.  Hopefully I won't do the whole puking thing for a long time.

The struggle is real

Here I am, back again after a way too long hiatus.  I am now a year older and zero pounds lighter.  I was just too busy celebrating my pre-birthday, birthday, and post-birthday.



I did however, dress up as a squirrel for Halloween.  It was fantastic. 

Back On Track?

I had a very successful week of eating last week.  I followed my WW points to the t.  I had a loss of 4.6 lbs.  I am sure most of that was water weight from my out of control eating but I will take it.  This week had a bit of a bumpy start.  I had a work lunch yesterday with pizza, garlic knots, and salad.  Guess what I ate the least of.... salad.  It was delicious and I used almost all of my weekly point allowance. 

My husband is also following WW... or so he says.  I had him join and download the ap.  So far he has gained a pound.  I feel for him.  He has never had to diet before.  He needs to get his cholesterol down and get healthier.  He doesn't want to but he knows he should.  He hates having to track everything and he needs to learn to do it for himself.  O well... I will just try to be very supportive. 

The hardest part for me is cutting out my Starbux habit that has become a daily indulgence.  I think about it constantly. 

Here's hoping I will report another loss next Monday.

Update, Struggling, Being Honest

Barb is calling out all bandsters to update and reach out if needed.  I am no longer banded since I had my revision to sleeve in 2013.  Let's be real for a minute.  I feel like I am failing.  When I was banded in 2009 I was 260 lbs.  When I had my band removed in 2012 I was 199 lbs.  I then had to gain enough weight to qualify for a sleeve.  It was way too easy and by the time my sleeve surgery rolled around I was 246 lbs.  Today I am 189 lbs.  I am struggling to not plop over the 190 mark.  My sleeve has really gotten much less restrictive and I can eat almost anything.  The summer has been so much fun.  My husband and I have taken multiple vacations and eaten like we are on vacation every day.  There is so much dessert! 




My husband went for his physical recently and was told he needed to lose weight and clean up his eating because his cholesterol was sky high.  He has never really had a weight problem and now only carries around an extra 20 lbs.  We decided we would join weight watchers online and follow it together.  In theory this sounds like a great plan.  It is much harder in reality.  He gets 42 points a day and I get 29.  I am HUNGRY.  I WANT ice cream.  Some days are better than others, some are terrible.  Sometimes I lose complete control and eat a handful of chocolate chips.  But, I am trying and I know it is time to get serious for both our health.  My husband is also struggling.  He likes to eat out and loves beer.  He is realizing how hard it is to eat out and have enough points to be satisfied. 


The good news is that I haven't given up.  I am going to keep on trying and making improvements every day.  I am also going to try to update my blog at least once a week. 

Weight hasn't changed but life is rolling along

I haven't posted in forever.  Life is just being lived and I am enjoying myself.  Today I was cleaning out some old files at work and found some old pictures of myself.  Wow... I was really heavy.  I was uncomfortable and sad.  Now I am a normal person who could lose a few pounds but I am mostly happy. 

I have been exercising a lot more, but you all know that saying about not being able to out train a bad diet.  I don't think my diet is bad.  It just isn't good enough to lose weight.  I drink more wine than I should... eat more carbs than I should but for the most part my choices are healthy.

I finally completed my half sleeve tattoo that I have been planning for some time.  I love to garden.  I have multiple large gardens.  I have wanted a vegetable garden half sleeve for some time.  After roughly 6.5 hours of tattooing it is done!  I LOVE it!

 

That's all for me!  Happy hump day.

Broken Record

This is me saying the same thing I have said for the last few months.  This is so f*ing hard!  I am struggling.  I am hungry again.  I am not losing... I am sort of maintaining and I have gained a little.  I am bouncing around roughly 183 these days.  I hate it... it is frustrating that I know what I need to do but just can't seem to do it. 

I am exercising and trying to count calories.  However, my life keeps getting in my way.  I have too much fun with friends and family.  I am legitimately hungry.  I can't seem to make it a day with less than 1400 calories, and that is a good day.  The full feeling I used to get after a cup of food is long gone.  Granted, I could always eat more than most sleeved folks.  My surgeon explained that revisions often have a much harder time than first timers and I think that has been the case with me.

The good news is that I still can't eat nearly what I used to be able to.  It seems to limit the damage I can do.  I am trying to eat lots of fruits and vegetables to minimize the damage but I am just so hungry! 

I have a fit bit and have been doing great on the activity front, but I think that just adds to my hunger.  Argh... the funny thing (not in a haha funny way) is that so many folks are struggling on the blogs.  It just proves that weight loss surgery is not the "easy way".  We all have to work for it and it is always a struggle.  I am hoping to get 5 lbs off in the next month.  I can do that right?

Take care all!

What Am I Not Doing?

Losing weight, that's what.  I am such a slacker.  I don't want to work any harder, therefore nothing is happening.  Do I have an excuse?  Yes a list a mile long.  But they aren't any good.  I mean stuff has been happening and life has been busy, but isn't that life?  I am just being a big baby.

I was really sick this entire last week and once I am back to feeling 100% (hopefully by the weekend) it is time to get my ass in gear.  I need to stop being a puss bag baby.  That is all!