Tuesday, March 1, 2011

It is time to talk.

I lived off of orange juice and ice cream last week. The scale was up. I have been clean for 2 days and it is hard! I still struggle with food choices, though some times it seems so easy. Most of the time I still have to work really hard to make good decisions. My weight problem is primarily a mental problem. At some point in my life I starting thinking of food in a different way. I would fantasize (still do) and dream about it.

I start to think that maybe I don't have these problems anymore... and then wham... something happens and I want to feel good and I think,"Ice cream will make me happy". 7 days later and and a few pounds up I realize food does not make me feel better. I had heartburn and stomach aches...and general shit feeling. Ice cream has become my go to when I want a fix. It tastes really fantastic and it doesn't stick.. I don't have to chew it.. and I can eat it as fast as I want. Something about all those things makes it my dream food.

I am in therapy, and I am learning strategies, but I will always struggle with food. I wish I could say Lapband "fixed" my problems, but it didn't. It has only helped me manage. Here is to two days ice cream free! Happy Tuesday!


Libby said...

I think you are doing great. I know what you mean about the band not fixing everything. It is so wasy to want to believe that but the head hunger is the real killer. I totally commend you for getting therapy. An option I should be pursuing but have been too lazt to.

Good luck on shaking that ice cream money off your back. I'm on day 2 of the ouch test and ready to chew the corner of my desk off.

amandakiska said...

Every one of us has those moments where we struggle to make good choices and feel like eating compulsively. I KNOW you're different now because you pulled yourself out of it after a couple of days.

Amy W. said...

truer words were never spoken (in regards to the fact that it didnt fix our problem, it only helps us manage).