Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Day Two Was A Keeper, Now On To Day Three!

Yesterday I was able to stay on track all day plus get in 100 ounces of water! Woohoo!! I was rewarded with another 1.5 lb loss this morning. I am now just .8 lbs away from my lowest low. I would really really really like to lose 6 lbs by April 13th. That is 13 days from now and a pretty big job... especially with Easter eating this weekend. But, I really think I can do it if I stay focused. I will be away from home for 3 days and that will be tough keeping my eating where it needs to be, but I do think I can do it if I work-out.

The weather is supposed to be spectacular here this week. I plan on do lots of outdoor activities. I love this time of year and feel motivated to be active. There are also so many good fruits and veggies lately. Yeah for spring!

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Day 1- So Far So Good!

So, yesterday I did very well and stayed on track all day. I paid attention to portions and fullness. I ate protein first, chewed well, took small bites. I did not get all my water in though... booo... so today I am going to add that to the list. All my hard work paid off and I woke up 1 lb lighter. I am still up about 2 lbs from my lowest but I feel good being back on track.

I have my whole day planned out. I work until 9 tonight so all my food is with my and ready to go. I do feel like I am struggling a little with sugar withdrawals. I was eating lots of candy and ice cream in the last week and now I am trying to get off that cold turkey. I always forget how hard this part is.

I needed a little inspiration so I checked out Khaliah Ali's book Fighting Weight. It is her story about her fight with obesity and the success she has had with her gastric banding. So far the book is very interesting, part bio, part medical information. I will say, this book is so extremely pro gastric banding... which is fine.. but to me she almost makes it seem easy. Anyway, she lost 125lbs with her band and has maintained her weight loss for 9ish years. It certainly is inspirational. Those of you who were lucky enough to have Dr. Ren or Dr. Fielding may enjoy reading this book even more as they were the folks who did Ms. Ali's surgery and follow-up care.
Happy Tuesday!

Monday, March 29, 2010

Coach Rex Ryan is Rocking His Band

He is already down 40lbs!

A Week Of Nightmare Eating... Check!

I have been entirely and completely out of control. I have been eating whatever and whenever I want. It has been all about mindless non-hunger induced eating. I checked out for the entire week. My dear husband was in New York with a field trip group and my mom came down to visit part of the time. My mom is a bad bad enabler. I am certain I have learned my bad eating habits from my family and when I am around them all my eating desires and indiscretions come back.

I weighed myself this morning and I was actually down a couple ounces. I was 196.2 this morning. I did plan out my entire day of eating and even put dinner in the crock pot before work this morning. I am making some delicious looking sausage and lentil stewish stuff. I will report back on it and include the recipe if it is good. Here's hoping this is a good start to a good week. I want to get to 189 before my next appointment with the surgeon which is 2 weeks from Tuesday. I think I should be able to lose 7 lbs in two weeks if I am on track 99%.

I have a library conference to attend next week for 3 days. That will be the sticky wicket. I will have to stay in control and work-out. I can do this right?!

Happy Monday!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Back up....

I weighed myself this morning and I am up 3 lbs. Ugh. I know I will drop it quickly if I just get my ass back on track.... so did I? No... I had ice cream for lunch. Last night I went to my husbands basketball banquette (he coaches high school boys). I ate relatively well... but could have done better. However, I was feel sorry for myself yesterday and had Taco Bell for lunch. Not sensible one taco Taco Bell either.
First of all, I have decided I still need way more restriction. I am hungry a lot (and this is real hunger even though Taco Bell was head hunger). I can eat a LOT. Way way way more than I should be able to. I probably also need to start seeing a therapist again. I am struggling mentally and probably need to work through why I am eating.
In other news I had my first PB last night. I made it 6 months and 3 weeks without one pb. And what brought it on you ask... a piece of dark chocolate and milk. I ate the chocolate... obviously didn't chew well enough.. then drink of milk. Panic set in... slimming and 3 heaves. Out pops the chocolate followed by a deluge of milk. Gross!

Monday, March 22, 2010

Making Good Choices... Or Not

I had a really great weekend, it was relaxing and enjoyable, and wonderful. However, I ate like shit. I was too lazy to cook so we ate out a lot which is always a problem. I had too much chocolate and other yumness. Today I am back to eating the usual way and hopefully I didn't do too much damage over the weekend (also to lazy to step on the scale).

Not much else to say... it is Monday again!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Really Wonderful Fantastic Amazing World of Restriction

Holy Hannah! I had an amazing restriction day. I am thinking (as I am getting close to that magical 2 week kick in) that I may have good restriction for real. Last night my husband and I went out for dinner and I had fish, fingerling potatoes, and beans and peppers and carrots. I ate maybe half of everything. I took the leftovers home and decided to have it for lunch today. I had half of the fish (I weighed it out and it was 2 oz) one tiny tato, and like 4 beans. I was full... for real!

I had a couple cheese sticks around 4, I wasn't really hungry but needed some more protein. I ate half my chicken salad for dinner and I was full. I am noticing that when I get full I get a pain between my shoulder blades. I think I have finally found my "soft stop". I am so excited to really be feeling the benefit of my band!!

On that note, I just wanted to tell all the newly banded or those struggling with the band that it takes time and LOTS of follow-up. I am 6.5 months out and am really feeling the glory of the band for the first time. I have had 6 fills. I have seen my band doctor 11 times since my surgery. I could not have gotten to this point without him. Your doctor is one of the most important factors in your success.

Keep at it all!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

I won the battle but can I win the war?!

I sure hope so. Last night I got home from work and I was starving. Real honest to goodness hunger. I was making dinner but it wouldn't be done for about an hour so I started looking for snacks. I had 1/4 c of cottage cheese... waited a while.. still starving... then I had a vita top... still hungry... and finally a slice of cheese. I felt content at that point and hadn't done too much damage. By the time dinner was done I wasn't that hungry so I ate half as much as I had planned and was very pleased.

I survived all that but I hit a wall later. I was feeling sad... the weather was nice and I wanted my husband to go for a walk with me. He was tired and had just taken the dog for a walk and didn't want to go again. I could have taken the dog myself, but instead I just felt like pouting. After working all weekend I kept thinking how I didn't get to do anything fun (I am such a baby sometimes) and thought I deserved something sweet. I sat on the couch thinking about eating the chocolate that was in the pantry. I had even rationalized it all in my head. But then I started thinking about how I would feel after I ate the chocolate.

Now, let me say... it didn't make me feel any better last night not binging. But this morning I felt like a huge success. I had overcome something that I would have given into so many times before. I know I won't always win the temptation/binge fight. But each time I successfully make it through I chalk that up to a good experience.

Ironically, when I got into work today I saw this picture of me at my heaviest (I hate it so so much):

Binging and emotional eating are exactly what got me to that weight. I never want to go back there again!

Monday, March 15, 2010

Monday Moring, Day Light Savings Time, and Ugh

So, I worked all weekend and Saturday night we had to turn our clocks ahead an hour. This is always a really hard time of year for me. I am one of those people who really needs to get a good amount of sleep or I just don't function well. I was lucky enough to have my work weekend fall on this weekend. I am so tired this morning. I try not to drink coffee and stay away from caffeine but this morning I had to give in. I mixed my fat free hot cocoa mix with half decaf and half regular coffee and a couple tablespoons of skinny vanilla creamer. It was delicious and I am hoping it will get me through the morning.

This week may seem like the longest week of my life because I don't have another day off until Saturday. I used to work retail and worked many 7,10, and even 15 day work weeks. The issue here is that work is so stressful and tense lately. Some weeks are good, some are really bad. But, I will survive, and I will continue to lose weight (which makes me happy).

On the weight loss front I am still holding steady at 195. I was not a good eater over the weekend (as you know I had the ice cream incident) so I am extremely pleased I haven't gained. I have gotten back on 100% since and should see the scale start moving sometime this week. I am really working to get in my 80 oz of water (at least). That seems to make a HUGE difference.

I am not sure what to think about my restriction. Saturday night we had pizza for dinner. I was a little scared, I didn't know if I could even get it down. We had thick doughy crust pizza with lots of toppings. I cut it up into baby size bites and was able to eat 3/4 of a piece and I was FULL. Great, that was awesome... but an hour later I was STARVING. Seriously... could have eaten my arm off. So... obviously I need another fill right? This doesn't just happen with things like pizza either. Last night I had a chicken breast with some cheese on it and green beans. I was full when I had finished my portion but was really hungry an hour later. I am already having to be really careful with what and how I eat so I am not sure if I want to be any tighter. And I guess I am wondering... if I do get another fill does that mean I will have an even harder time eating the things I am already struggling to eat or will I just stay full longer?

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Joining the banded ranks!

I just saw an article about the Jets' Coach Ryan having Lap Band. Apparently he had the surgery on Saturday (who does surgery on Saturday). I hope he has great luck with his band! I am always happy to see the "famous" faces of Lap Band. I will certainly be on the look-out for updates about his success.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

It's A Working Weekend & Thanks for Following

First and foremost, I want to, again, thank all my followers who post (and don't post) and support me through my journey. I really couldn't do it with out all of you. Yesterday when I was making poor food choices (read on for details) I thought about all my followers and knew I would have to confess. You are the people who keep me on track, and even when I get off track, you guys get me back on. I could not do this without you. So Thank You! Now on with my regularly scheduled post....

It's Saturday, and I am working. I work tomorrow too. I was off Thursday and Friday this week. Thursday the weather was SO beautiful and I enjoyed every minute of it. Yesterday I was in a funk because I know I won't have another day off until a week from today. I know I will survive but with all the stress at work lately I just feel burnt out. I had a REALLY bad eating day yesterday. I wanted food to make me feel better and I may or may not have eaten 2 pints of ice cream. I am not proud of my behavior... but I am not beating myself up about it either.

I am back on track today and will continue with my band rules. I do have pretty good restriction and as long as I eat carefully and do protein first this fill is working just the way it should. I have found I can only eat chicken when it is cold. It doesn't matter if it is white meat or dark meat but as long as it is cold I can get it down. If I heat it up, I am in big trouble.

As my lunch is almost over, I better get back to work! Happy Weekend all!

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Visit With The Wonderful Dr. Katz

As always, I was so happy to see Dr. Katz today. I weighed in 6 lbs lower then the last time I saw him and he was very pleased. I was able to drop another pound this morning and am sitting pretty at 195. I have lost 48% of my excess weight. Wow! If I can keep this roll going I can get myself into the 180's in a few weeks. Anyway, Dr. Katz asked me how I was doing and I told him wonderful, except that I am still able to eat too much and don't stay full as long as I would like. He asked me what I wanted to do and I said, "how about a half cc." He agreed.

I know I have said before that I am not interested in being super tight. I like to be able to eat and want to be able to eat most things in moderation and with proper chewing. I felt like with a little tweak I could maintain my current eating but in smaller amounts. We will see if this proves the case. I will say that I had a yogurt today and it was really gurgling and taking its time going down. It has also kept me pretty full for about 3 hours. We will see. I am probably swollen and some of my restriction may go.. but so far so good.

I am feeling much more upbeat today and the weather is beautiful. My parents are coming to visit tomorrow (they life 8 hours away) and I am so excited to see them. Hope you all are having a good week!

Monday, March 8, 2010

Yeah, my Monday Sucked....

But I looked damn good the whole time. One thing I had going for me today is that I felt good in the clothes I was wearing. I wore a red sweater with brown pants and leopard print heels. I thought I looked thin and I was rocking my clothes. I even got multiple compliments. Of course, my favorite part of the outfit were the shoes. Here for you viewing pleasure is my outfit. Oww... don't mind my weird face or the strange lighting.


Do you ever have one of those mornings where you feel like you are trapped in a giant shit storm? You get up and everything just starts coming at you... that has been my morning. It is only 11:15 and I already feel like I have been reamed out, chastised, micromanaged, ect.

So, I am trying to remain positive, not get bogged down by the drama. Lately I am wondering about the path I have chosen. I am not feeling like myself. I am not satisfied, I don't feel appreciated, and I am not where I want to be. Many things in my life are amazing. For example, my husband, my family, my friends, my pets. I love all these things and couldn't be happier. I am also very happy with the changes I have made in myself and the direction my health has taken. My career on the other hand, I just don't know. I went to school for a lot of years to do this, and I just don't feel happy about it. I am considering going back to school.

On a happier note, I am heading to see Dr. Katz tomorrow and get a fill. I have done okay on the weight loss front the past week and a half and was able to shake off some pounds. I have been having some really good restriction lately, just not staying full as I had hoped.

Happy Monday all!!

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Weekday Dish

So in the spirit of Jen's post... I am posting my food intake for today.

Breakfast-nothing (I have trouble with solids in the morning so I start out with water)

Lunch- 4 oz pulled pork, 1 cup salad, 1/4 c chick peas, 2 tbsp bacon pieces, 2 tbsp light ranch dressing

Snack- 2 mini york pep patties

Snack- 1/2 c 2% cottage cheese

Dinner 2 c lentil soup (I am working late tonight and I have been have some stuck issues and wanted a safe food)

I keep following the rules

And good things seem to be happening. I was down to 196 this morning! This puts me at a total of 63 lbs lost! So exciting. I am hoping to get another 2 lbs off by next Tuesday. That means 4 days to shake 2 lbs. Yikes... I hope I can do it!

My doctor had wanted me to lose 10 by the next time I saw him (he told me this nearly a month ago) so if I can drop 2 more, I would be down 6. I would be VERY happy with that. The hardest part of this is still to come... the weekend. I have a very hard time eating well on the weekend and we have a birthday party Saturday.

The weather is much nicer here lately and that has really helped me stay on track. I want to look good for the summer and seeing it get closer each day keeps me facing reality.

Only one more day until the weekend!! Wohoo!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Todays picture

Here is my picture from today. I love these shoes.

And then a comparison just for fun. This was me at my starting weight of 259 lbs. 61.4 lbs ago.

Looking Back, Six Months With My Band

I have been thinking about what I have learned in the past 6 months with my band. It is funny because the past 6 months have gone by so fast. But, I have also made so many changes in that time. I still have LOTS of struggles but also many successes. I have not lost as much weight as I dreamed I would. But I have also lived my life in a way that I could enjoy myself and not feel constantly deprived. I have made some really good choices, and some really bad choices.

The first and most difficult hurdle for me was the pre-op liquid diet. Mine wasn't even that long, only one week. I swear there was more then one day when I was pretty sure I wasn't going to make it. If any of you are going through this now... know that you will make it. Know that it is so worth it. My liquid diet just happened to fall on my anniversary. That was really hard. I was already starting to mourn food and that felt like an additional slap in the face. During my pre-op faze I started seeing a therapist. That was a huge help. He made me see what some of the real issues were, helped me with what felt like a death of a friend (food).

The second tough spot for me was my port revision about a month after my surgery. I was so upset when I found out my port had flipped and that I needed another surgery. My surgeon was so kind and scheduled me for surgery the same week so that I could get on with things. The surgery was relatively minor but the recovery was more painful. I had pretty much no pain when I had my lap band installed. I had a lot of pain with the revision. I also had serious issues with the wound healing. It took much longer that time around and was so frustrating.

All these problems made it impossible to get fills, but at that time I was determined to lose the weight and nothing was going to get me down. I never experienced bandster hell like some folks do. I did really well without restriction for a long time. Now I am struggling a little more.

I have had 5 fills and have decent restriction but still am not staying full as long as I should be. I have another fill scheduled for next week and hope this is the fill that will bring me to that special place.

What I have learned so far is:

This isn't easy... you still have to do your part. No matter how many times I was told that I still thought it would be easy. It isn't easy, but it is manageable.
Chewing and taking small bites leads to good experiences. Not doing this leads to sliming and pbing in the work bathroom... not fun.

I am still dealing with the mental factors of my eating issues. My band doesn't help me with what is going on in my head.

I have good weeks and I have really bad weeks but as long as I keep trying I keep making progress. I have often felt like I was doing the whole 2 steps forward 1 step back. My therapist insists that this is very normal.

I must make healthy new life long habits. The more I do them the easier they are.

Exercise is not an option, you must do it in some form. To keep the weight off that is essential.

It is not all about how I look but more about how I live.

Low carb is not the only way. Unless your doctor says it is.... you can have carbs and you will not stop losing weight. It may be a little slower of a loss but you may be happier and find the journey easier. I know I did. ** My doctor totally supports eating all kinds of food but in the correct way, protein first, healthy carbs, and sweets and treats in MODERATION.

And lastly, and most importantly to me... my eating can not determine my social life. I know some people talk about how they will avoid social events so they don't have to eat. That is the kiss of death for me. If I feel like I have to stay home I get sad and will not continue making good food choices. Instead I try to work on good choices at these events. They are not always possible so you make up for it at the next meal if that is the case.

Good luck to all on this journey no mater what stage you are at. We are all in this together and we will all make it to the end. It just might take some of us longer and that is okay.

So... this crazy thing happened...

I followed the band rules and I actually lost weight. After the past month of screwing around I got myself back on track and woke up today to a 1.4 lbs loss. That puts me at 197.6 lbs for my 6 month bandiversary. That means I dropped 61 lbs plus change in 6 months. Would I like it to be more... yes... but am I happy as hell. YES!

I am also wearing a new favorite outfit today.... I have these awesome shoes... I will take pictures later and put them up. I am thinking about a 6 month blog... maybe it will happen, maybe it won't.

Have a good one!

Monday, March 1, 2010

My Doctor Isn't Going To Be Impressed....

So a week from tomorrow I go in for a fill. My doctor had told me he wanted to see a 10 lb loss by the next time I saw him. How much have I lost so far you ask? I have lost 0 lbs. I was down a couple then put it back on then down again and then up. I am not sure what is up with me lately but after my last fill I had some struggles. I ate a lot of sliders because I was afraid of getting stuck the first couple weeks. I was always starvings and was taking in too many calories. The past couple weeks have been better but just too much eating out and socializing.

I am still not staying full very long... maybe 2ish hours after solid protein. Hopefully this fill will give me some more staying power. Tomorrow is my 6 month anniversary. I am disappointed I didn't do better this past month, but I am also so pleased with what I have done. It still averages out to about 10 lbs a month and that is amazing.

I am really struggling with all the dreary cold weather here in MI. It makes me want to eat and stay inside. I don't want to exercise and I just want to sleep. I often have a lot of trouble with February and am glad to say goodbye for another year. 19 days an counting until the first day of spring!

Happy Monday!