Monday, November 30, 2009

Monday, Oi!

Back to work after my nice long holiday weekend. I always feel sort of bummed out to have to go back to work after having some time off. I really like my job, but I also really like my time off. I am also back at the good eating, though that wasn't easy either. All I can think about it all the delicious things I ate while I was celebrating the holiday weekend. It was soooo good but soooooo bad for me.

My incision is still looking really shady. The doctor told me to put hot compresses on it a few times a day. I have been doing that all weekend. Saturday night another little hole opened up towards the middle of the incision. It looked weird so I gently picked at it (I know, not a good idea). Well out came a good inch or more of stitches with a big ole stitch knot. It is still attached and hurts if I pull on it. I called the doctor and he said to leave it until he can look at it tomorrow. I can't wait to go in. I just want him to tell me something is wrong and how to fix. I was so looking forward to my next fill but I am sure there is no way he will give me one with the current situation, and that is fine.

Wednesday is my three month bandiversary and I have only had one fill to date. I am proud of the weight loss I have had despite the set backs. I am still thankful for my band. I just wish it would start earning it's keep!

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Thanksgiving Confessions and WARNING potentially gross picture

Ugh, I have just been catching up on blogs and feel so guilty about my super bad eating week(end) from hell. It all started on Wednesday (yup 4 days ago) when my sister and brother-in-law came into town. Drinking and eating commenced at once. I ate way too much on Thursday and haven't stopped since.

As you can see from the photo, I am still have big issues with my port. I called my doctor again yesterday because I am still have a ton of pain and my incision looks bad. He said he is certain it is a seroma (fluid trapped below the incision) and is not an infection. He asked if I wanted him to have one of his people meet me at the hospital or if I just wanted to wait until Tuesday and he could drain it. The hospital is an hour away and my family is in town so decided to just wait, though I am not sure if that was the best choice. He said to put hot compresses on it and try to get it to drain.

I have been on a double dose of antibiotics for a week now (prescribed on Sunday when I went in). This has been a disaster. It is so painful and I just don't know how it is every going to heal. All this crap hasn't helped me in keeping motivated either and exercise is pretty much impossible because it causes too much friction.

My plan of attack is to focus on getting back on track tomorrow and making good choices with food. I have come so far and have done it pretty much on my own so I know I can continue being successful. I just fear I am headed for another port revision.

Hope you all had a great holiday weekend!

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Thanksgiving and so close yet so far

Happy Thanksgiving! I weighed myself today to see if I made my goal. I did not. Sadly I missed it by .8 lbs. Happily I lost 2.2 lbs! I am good with that!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Thanks for the good vibes!

Thanks to all who commented to give me encouragement. I am feeling a little better today. My incision is still really sore and still red. It does look better and it seems to be getting smaller. Unfortunately the superhuman dose of antibiotics are taking their toll on me stomach. I get so dizzy and nauseous. Just in time for the holidays! Maybe that will keep me from eating too much!

My sister and her family are coming to stay with us tonight-Saturday. I am looking forward to it, but it is a huge lifestyle change for us because my sister and brother-in-law have 3 kids. They are energetic and loud and crazy. They are also a lot of fun. I am sure by Saturday I will need a LONG nap. We are also planning on doing some black Friday shopping. We are considering starting at midnight tomorrow and keep on going. My sister is pretty hardcore, I hope I can keep up.

I have a feeling I won't make my 3 lbs goal this week. I haven't been exercising or really watching what I am eating. We will see tomorrow!

Monday, November 23, 2009

I worry...

I have this problem where I worry about the what ifs. I always think of the worst case scenario and then stress about. I actually take medication for generalized anxiety and that has made it considerably better but I still have times when I am overly concerned. Right now I am really stressed about the infection. I am taking a really high dosage of antibiotics and it seems to look a little better but it started draining this morning. It is not pussy or anything but I am still freaking out. I talked to the nurse at the surgeons office and she said it sounds normal because the fluid would need to drain out somewhere.

I have had so many issues with my band early on. I just want to be healthy and happy and successful with it's help. I know I should not worry and that the antibiotics take time but I just don't want it to get worse.

In other news, I didn't sleep very well last night. I woke up at four and tried to fall back asleep couldn't. I am not sure what the deal was but I realized I wasn't making any progress just laying there so I got up. Now I am tired and at work. What a Blah Monday!

Sunday, November 22, 2009


So, I had to the see the doctor this week because I was having a lot of pain at the bottom of my incision from my revision. I have an infection and am on an obscene done of antibiotics. I hope to God this clears it up and I don't have any other issues.

I am ready for next week, I only have to work three days and then will have four off. I need a break. I am, of course, concerned about the eating but I will survive. I have a mini goal of losing another 3 lbs before then. I would like to 212 by Thanksgiving. We will see if that happens.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Forty Four!!

All in all I am very pleased with my week. After my last weekend of disastrous eating I was still able to pull off a 1.8 lbs loss for a total of 44 lbs down! Wow! The big 5-0 is just around the corner and I can't wait. I am also only 16 lbs away from onederland.

I have to go to my surgeon's office today because my incision from my revision looks slightly suspect. Hopefully it is nothing. I am tired of set-backs! Happy Friday all!!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Thursday update, and my new obsession

So, my incision from my port revision is draining. I called the surgeons office today to ask if I should be concerned and they said no but that I should come in just in case I need an antibiotic. I am not thrilled about this, I wish I could get a fill but don't want a needle anywhere near that area right now, and there is no way I would get the Dr to do it anyway. I am so jealous of Jennifer's 4 cc fill she got (I am also supportively happy for her :)). My doctor is ultra conservative and would never do 4 ccs at one time. I am so looking forward to going in for my next fill Dec 1st and hopefully I will get a couple ccs.

Anyway, I am obsessed with fat free hot cocoa! Every day, when I am getting tired and hungry at about midday I have a mug of this. It is amazing. But here is the confession part, we have this bottle of whip cream in the fridge at work... Yup, I have been hitting that up too. It is just SOOOOO good. We will see how this impacts the scale tomorrow on my official weigh in day. I am expecting bad news after my weekend of eating hell.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Tuesday, Dentist, Work

First and foremost, I got my teeth cleaned this morning.... doesn't my smile look bright and shiny?! :) I actually spent a couple of hours at the dentist this morning, one of my favorite ways to spend a morning (not really). I had a 9:45 appointment this morning and I set my alarm for 8 so that I could work out before my appointment. I had to drag myself out of bed and I was so tired. I almost gave in and stayed in bed with the cat and dog but I sucked it up and got in a pretty good workout.
I find that the more I push myself to stay on track the easier it is to push myself. I feel way more guilty skipping if I am ruining a good exercise streak. I got a couple of new exercise DVDs and I can't wait to try them out. I have decided that this is one of the most important ways to keep myself motivated, constantly switching it up and trying new things.
The eating front has been great. I have been right on track and drinking lots of water to undo all the bad karma from the weekend. I haven't weighed myself, I really only do it once a week. I find in times like these it is very helpful in keeping me from getting too discouraged.

Monday, November 16, 2009


My weekend was an eating disaster, and by disaster I mean complete and total out of control eating mayhem. I am so looking forward to a weekend with NO plans so that I can eat really good and get myself under control again. I realized this weekend that I pretty much have zero self control again. I have done pretty great for the first 10 weeks but my will power is quickly dissipating.

I did continue to work out even with the bad eating, that is something I would have never done before the band. I would have just given in to the," this weekend is already screwed" state of mind. I even worked out twice as long so I was able to feel good about that.

The thing is my weekends have been bad for the past few weeks and I have continued to have really good weight loss. I think this has lead me to continue to push the limits. I tell myself, "well I lost 3+ lbs last week and ate whatever I wanted on Saturday and Sunday so what if I eat whatever I want Friday-Sunday it can't be that much worse right?" It scares me that I walking a slippery slope and that I will not be able to rein myself in.

I packed a good lunch today, had breakfast already, and plan to get in all my water, and a good workout. I am hoping for better days ahead!

The bandster quiz

I must admit, I love stuff like this!

1. How long have you been banded?
11 weeks on Wednesday

2. What was your highest pre-band weight? / Current weight now? / Total lost to date?
259lbs/ 216.8 / 42.2 lbs

3. What is your best "go-to" food to get in your protein?
Greek Yogurt

4. What is your favorite protein brand/shake?
Slimfast Low Carb Chocolate

5. What food do you miss the most now being post-band?

6. What is your favorite "mushy" food?
Fat free refried beans with sour cream and cheese

7. What was your worst PB experience?
Eating chicken too fast, terrible!

8. What has been the hardest part of this journey so far for you?
I have encountered some set backs, I had a port flip, had to have a revision, and have only had one fill in 11 weeks. No restriction this far out is a struggle.

9. What is your best NSV to date?
Fitting into clothes I have been saving for "when I lose weight".

10. What is your top non-weight goal for your band?
Being able push my plate away with no emotional issues when I am done eating.

11. What is your goal weight or size? 135, I have been there before many many years ago and I loved it.

12. What band "rule" do you live by (i.e. don't cheat on)? No soda, I tried it once since I had my band and only one sip.

13. What band "rule" do you not follow as much or aren't so good at? Eating slowly, I still scarf but I have no restriction so once I have to slow down I am sure I will.

14. What is your goal "reward"? Probably plastic surgery, a tummy tuck if needed.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Friday Weigh-In

I weighed myself this morning and I am down another 3.2 lbs! That makes a grand total of 42.2 lbs down. Hopefully that will be some inspiration for my challenging weekend to come. Happy Friday all!!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

The weekend, to dread or not to dread?!

First of all, I am posting a picture of one of our adorable cats (we have four). This is Vito.
I am already nervous about the weekend. First tomorrow, we have a staff inservice and will have lunch catered. I can never trust myself in these situations. Being that I have no restriction and an appetite of a wild mongoose I just don't know how I will handle the situation when it comes. I believe we are having soups, and salads, and hummus and pita. It sounds reasonable... it even sounds like good options, but it is still scary. We will also have a reception for the longevity awards, this will include cake, brownies, pie, ect.

Saturday we are hosting a dinner party for three other couples. This is something we do monthly with our friends, however we take turns hosting. It is always themed and since it is November we are doing a Thanksgiving dinner. Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, salad, cheesecake, and lots and lots of alcohol. I usually don't stress too much about eating at these get-togethers. I allow myself to splurge and enjoy the company.

Sunday we are going out to eat my my husbands family for my father-in-laws birthday. We will then follow-up with dessert at someones house. So much going on, so much to navigate. I am sure it will be fine but eating still stresses me out. I can't wait to get some restriction.

On the flip side a co-worker told me "I am becoming a shadow of my former self". What a great compliment!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

These Pants Fit!

Wow, I can't believe I am wearing the pants I am wearing today. I have so many clothes in so many sizes in bins in my closet and basement. Well this morning I wasn't able to find anything that fit so I decided to look and see what was in the closet bins. I pulled out a pair of pants I haven't worn in years and tried them on. They fit perfectly! It made me feel so awesome to be able to get into these pants again, especially because I had tried them on a month ago and it wasn't pretty. I couldn't even get them anywhere near buttoned. Today they are the perfect fit.

On another note, I have been starving all day and wanting to eat everything in site. I don't know why this happens but it seems every once and a while I can not be satisfied. I just ate a protein bar and hope that will keep me happy until dinner. I think I will take my break now and go walk for my lunch hour.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Dare I say it?!

I am actually really enjoying exercise these days. I used to find it extremely annoying when these skinny women would say that "love to work out". Love would be a really strong word, but I am learning to harness exercise as a valuable stress relief. I also enjoy the feeling I get after a good workout, I feel so refreshed and energized. Don't get me wrong, I may still cry during my step aerobics and swear under my breath while jogging. I am just trying to think differently about exercise.

Right now I am at a weird place. I had gotten into a really good pattern and was working out every morning before work. Then I had my surgery and now I am very limited to what I can do. It would be so easy to not exercise at all. I guess I just need to keep at it and just do my walking. Something is better then nothing right?!

On to another topic... I LOVE taco salad. Last night I made some ground turkey taco meat and mixed it with black beans, salsa, cheese, sour cream, and tomatoes on top of a big ole pile of lettuce and... HEAVEN! Mexican food is by far my favorite and has been one of the most difficult things to satisfy. This worked great and was so easy too. Yumm-o, it will surely become a standard meal as long as I can eat it.

Monday, November 9, 2009

My virtual inspiration

To all of you who blog out there, you totally inspire me. I have probably avoided a million binges just because your words have encouraged me! I just read Amy's blog and now feel so much better about my lack of control and restriction. I feel like there is hope for restriction! I follow so many blogs and I read them on a very regular basis. I have picked up so many tips and tricks, as well as a good laugh many times. So thank you!

Today I am back in the saddle again. I made myself some chicken salad sort of thing with eggs and light mayo and onions. I wasn't able to eat all of it, but mostly I think that was just because I got bored. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't awesome either.

I find myself getting into an eating rut more and more lately. I am trying to keep it fresh and exciting but man... I just don't know. I still can't have beef for another 4 months and turkey and chicken are getting boring. I like pork but don't have a whole lot of variety with that either. I don't really cook fish at home... I just suck at it. I have been spending my non-busy reference desk time looking at new recipes. If you guys have anything awesome to share, please do!

My port incision is sore today! Wearing real pants seems to be a problem. I also really want to get back into my work-out routine but have to be so careful, and that makes it hard. I can't help but think if I am not extremely careful I will screw my port up again. I know this isn't the case but I still can't stop thinking about it. I do NOT want to go through another surgery.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Before And After

259 Before
220 After
259 Before

220 After

This weekend has been an eating disaster. I have no change in my restriction after my first fill and I had a crazy weekend. First last night we had dinner with some friends. I drank a lot of wine and ate way more then I should of.

Tonight we had my belated birthday/brother-in-laws birthday celebration and again ate way too much... including cake. I feel guilty and just feel bummed that I haven't gotten more comments on my weightloss. It is 39 freak'n pounds! That is almost 40 lbs and no one seems to be noticing. So, even though I said I wouldn't do any after shots until I hit 50 lbs, I wanted to see progress so I did them.

I can tell a big difference and that made me feel so much better! Here's to getting back on the wagon tomorrow. I plan to start my day off with a 3 mile walk at 6 am.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

I survived my revision!

Yesterday I had to be at the hospital at 5:30 am to have my port revision surgery. That meant I had to get up around 4 am so that we could be there in time (it is about an hour drive). It was rough getting up and I wasn't really looking forward to having this procedure, though I knew it was unavoidable if I ever wanted a fill.

I went through all the drama of pre-op, IV, questions, anti-nausea drugs, and so on. Dr. Katz came to talk to me before the procedure and made me feel comfortable, as he always does ( I love him). Right about 7:30 they rolled me in. The procedure was only about 15 minutes long in total and was a very different experience from my original banding. I was only given local and a light sedative. I got on the operating table myself and remember hearing Dr. Katz and the nurses talking the entire time. I remember having my eyes open but it was weird and foggy. Towards the end everything became much more clear and I felt a great deal of pain as they were finishing up the stitches.

I have been pretty sore but nothing I can't live with. I have been taking my pain meds when it gets too sore. The incision is larger than my original port incision and more sore. The biggest disappointment is the effect this has had on my work-outs. I was getting a good rhythm of working out hard every morning. I can't do a whole lot now and need to take it easy for 3 weeks.

All in all, I am glad this is over and I hope it is the only bump in my journey!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Weighing In Early

I am updating my weight a day early this week because tomorrow I have to be out the door at 4:30 for my port revision. I finally heard back, got all the clearances, and am set to go. I am not looking forward to it, but not really dreading it either. At least it is a step in the right direction!

I spent the last two days at a library conference and had a good time. I learned a lot and met some great people, including a Lap Band pen pal I had never met in real life. I am tired today and looking forward to getting on with the weekend.

On to my weight related information. I weighed myself this morning and was 220 exactly! Woohoo. That is 4 lbs down for the week and a total of 39lbs down. I did weigh in a little heavier at my doctors office this morning but doesn't count cause I don't know that scale.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

The Universe Hates Me!

First off, I am including a couple of pictures that mortify me and made me quite aware of the weight problem I often denied. I am not sure what my weight was in these photos but I would guess I would around roughly 255ish. I plan to take my first after photo when I hit 50 lbs down.

So I am not sure why the universe keeps shitting on me. Last night I got home from work and my husband was outside with the dog. He looks at car and says I have a flat tire. Yeah that sucks, but it sucks twice as much because I got four new tires two weeks ago. So I call the place I got the tires from, at least there is a warranty. I bring it in this morning and guess what... the rim is busted. So, it is obviously not covered plus the rim for my car is in Indiana and costs $300+. They had an after market rim that would fit but not match... it also cost $90. So... I got the after market rim. My car looks lovely!

I will be going out of town tomorrow and Thursday for a library conference. The eating situation sort of stresses me out. I will bring as much as I can, but I am limited. I still haven't heard back from my surgeon about what time I will be going in on Friday for my surgery. Hopefully it is nice and early in the morning and I can relax the rest of the day.

On the good new front, I have been getting up every morning before work to work out. It feels great. I have been doing the C25K, and am on my 3rd week. I feel really good. On the days I don't do that I do step aerobics, which I actually really enjoy. I am wondering if I have the energy to get up at 5:30 am tomorrow to work out or if that is just a bit much. I usually get up around 6 and that is pushing it.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Frustrated, Hungry, and back at it again.

I am really struggling with the fact that I am almost 9 weeks out and have not yet had a fill. As I explained in my earlier post, my port has flipped and is not accessible. I am really having to rely on will power. At this point, I feel like I have none left. I can eat whatever I want, with minimal chewing just like the old days. Hopefully I can get a fill when I have my port repositioned on Saturday.

I have done really well so far and I know that but I feel like I am starting to backslide and lose my "Anna Power". I had a bad eating weekend but have been back at since yesterday 100%. I can do this. Take note of my saggy size 18 pants in the picture (I am obviously the pumpkin). I didn't really realize until I looked at my picture that the crotch of my pants is drooping! Guess I need some smaller pants!

Sunday, November 1, 2009

All I want is a fill!

I went in on Friday to the hospital at the crack of dawn. I had to be there at 8 (it is about an hour drive and traffic is bad so I left around 6:30). I got in to radiology quickly and Dr. Katz was there shortly after. He had trouble accessing my port in his office so he scheduled me for my fill under fluoro. I figured no problem... he will get in and out quickly and I will go on with my day.

I could see the screen and was watching each attempt to access my port.... 10 in total. I could see the port shifting each time he got close. After the tenth time, Dr. Katz looks at me and say," Anna, it looks like your port has flipped on its side, I can't get to it, do you understand what I am saying?." Of course I know what he is saying. I need a port repair. So, he scheduled me for surgery next Friday. Are you freak'n kidding me?! Eight weeks out and already another surgery.

I am told it isn't a very invasive procedure. He will just re-open my incision and tack the port back to where it should be. I am very disappointed though. To add to all this, my parents were in town. They are a bad influence. I spent a good part of the weekend eating crap. I was angry about my port and threw caution to the wind.

I weighed myself today and I haven't gained an ounce but still... I did myself no favors. I need to get back on track today, work-out, eat good. I have come so far on my own, I can continue a little while longer.