Saturday, January 25, 2014

Making progress... slowly

I am down 5 of the 8 lbs I gained over the holidays.  That means still 3 lbs to go.  I am making progress, eating better, exercising, tracking my food.  That doesn't mean I am perfect and that this is easy.  I have had a few less than good days.  I have eaten chocolate, had too many drinks, and maybe even a cheeseburger.  But.. I am making progress. 

The weather is really making me struggle lately.  It is SO cold, and so snowy.  I think it is ramping up my seasonal affective disorder.  I have been really anxious and stressed lately.  I have also had some minor life drama that seems to be adding to it.  Don't get me wrong, I am not making excuses for the way I am eating.  However, when I look at the whole scope, I can see I am still using food as a coping mechanism. 

When I was seeing a therapist I remember talking to her about using food as a coping tool.  She explained to me that it isn't entirely bad as long as I am only doing it when I have no other tool to cope.  She said to keep it in my "tool belt" for emergencies.  I think I have cut back a great deal on food as comfort, but I am not sure I will ever be able to cut it out for good.

I am working all weekend which also makes me feel sorry for myself.  There is no reason I should feel sorry for myself.  Many people work weekends, I knew I would work weekends when I was doing my Masters program.  I am a big baby.

Friday, January 17, 2014

1 Year Out Photo

I decided to take a picture this morning to document what I look like at my 1 year out sleeveaversary.  I don't look very different than I did a few months ago, but I think I look pretty good.  Also, I am wearing the boots I love that were a huge NSV.  They are regular boots.. not wide calf.  That is something I couldn't have worn before.  Happy Friday all.

Thursday, January 16, 2014

1 Year Out From Revision

Today I am exactly one year out from my revision to sleeve.  I have had a pretty good year.  As many of you may already know... I had my Lap Band out 6 months prior to my sleeve procedure.  My insurance company would not cover the sleeve procedure because my BMI was too low.  So... I had to gain weight (totally ridiculous and pisses me off still).  I gained a lot of weight... almost all my weight back.  On my surgery day I weighed 249.  That was just 10 lbs below my highest weight. 

Today I am 179, 70 lbs down from sleeve day and 80 lbs down from my highest weight.  I am living a pretty normal life.  However, I think I could maintain somewhere in the 175-180 range relatively easily.  I am sure you have all heard the theories on "set weight".  I am pretty sure I am at my set weight.  I would like to lose 20 more lbs in the next year.  That is so little compared to what I have already lost.. however, it is so much harder than it was earlier on.

I gained a good chunk of weight over the holidays and have been working hard to get it back off.  I have really cleaned up my eating, but I did have a couple days where I lost my will and ate a cookie or two.  I have been doing really great the last 5 days but I am still having cravings.  I joined WW online to give me some guidance because I felt like I was getting in a rut.  So far I like it.  The funny thing about WW is that in the past (pre surgery) I never felt like it was enough food.  I would fail because I was always hungry.  Now with my sleeve it feels like just the right amount of food.

I can eat a lot compared to many other sleevers.  I can eat 2 pieces of pizza.  For lunch I eat a sandwich with lots of veggies, some meat, and cheese.  I also eat a cup of raw veggies with that.  I am satisfied when I am done but by no means is it too much food.  I am hungry (for real hungry) every 3 hours.  I eat something every 3 hours during the day.  Usually it is fruit or veggies or a boiled egg.  Even when I was first sleeved I could eat a cup of food without any issues.  I was able to stay at about 800-1000 calories for the first 6 months.  Now I need about 1200-1300 to make it through the day.  My doctor is one who believes in eating many times a day and thinks I am right on target with my calories.  However, I need to increase my movement a lot to get a good loss at this point.  I also tend to fall off the wagon on the weekend.

Everyday I do choose between my love of food and my desire for weight loss... some days food wins.  No matter what, my sleeve has given me the life I had wanted.  I am comfortable in my body for the most part.  I am healthy, active, and eating a pretty balanced diet.  I could have never done that on my own.

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Day 3 on the clean eating

Dear God, shaking the sugar can be HARD!  Yesterday I thought I might die. 

I had 4 egg whites with green pepper and green onion and a banana for breakfast, almonds and an apple for a snack, an open face turkey sandwich on gluten free bread (which was surprisingly tasty) for lunch with some pineapple, and chicken, rice, and green beans for dinner. 

I should have been satisfied, but my cravings were out of control and I was a crabby biatch.

Today, I am feeling better.

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

New Year, Same Me?

Ugh, I am relieved that the holidays are over, but not relieved to go back to work.  I really enjoyed having as much time off as I did.  I was, however, ready to get back to a normal schedule.  My husband is a teacher and we are getting his with some bad winter weather.  He was supposed to go back to work on Monday but won't be going back until this Thursday.  Even I had a snow day on Monday.  So today is my official first post holiday day back to work (though I did work a few days in between). 

The holidays were nice and we spent them with family.  I enjoyed seeing everyone, and getting to spend an entire week with just my husband doing whatever we wanted.  We sort of had a little staycation.  With that staycation came careless eating and minimal physical activity.  The only real exercise I got was when I was lifting my cocktail or wine glass to my mouth.

My goal was to maintain my weight, but I gained.  I weighed myself this morning and was.... gasp... 181.  That is like a 7 lb gain since October.  Yikes.  I spent my Monday snow day drinking and eating so I am hoping some of it is just bloat. 

The good news is that I am back on track.  I am doing the 3-1-2-1 diet for at least a week to get the sugar out of my system.  There are pre set menus and I will be following them to the T!  The premise is that you eat clean, and it is very clean.. only lean proteins, complex carbs, fruits and veggies, no dairy (other than yogurt) and no corn or white starches.  No soda or coffee... dear god.  Anyway... the "clean" eating is for 3 days, then you have 1 cheat day (though cheat is relative and very limited) and then 2 more clean days and then another cheat.  I saw the book at work and really liked the menus.  I figured there was no harm in giving it a try.

Today I ate: a pretty gross smoothie for breakfast (1 c unsweetened almond milk, 1/2 c unsweetened frozen berries, handful of spinach)

turkey breast with quinoa and steamed green beans

apple, almonds

chicken, celery, onions and olive oil mixed and wrapped in lettuce leaves and another 1/2 c of quinoa


I feel technically satisfied but I want to punch people because I am detoxing. 

I looked back to where I was at this time last year.  I don't actually have my weight documented but I was getting ready for my sleeve surgery and had gained a bunch of weight after having my band removed.  I believe I was 246 lbs on surgery day.  That was 14 lbs from my pre-band weight.  So, all in all, I have kept off that 14 lbs and lost an additional 85 (from today's 181).  That puts me at 79 down.  I am happy, but I really want to keep going in a downward direction over the next year.  If I am 20 lbs down by this time next year, I will be very happy.  That would put my at 161.  Here me now universe.  I want to be 161 by 1/6/15 and I am going to make it happen.

Wow, that was long.  Thanks for sticking with me!