Friday, April 30, 2010

My Lunch!

So Yummy... now stop talking about delicious things in your blogs so I don't have to go out and eat them!!

Working out paid off...

With a 1 lb gain! :) O well... I know it isn't real. I am going out to dinner tonight with a bunch of girl friends and am certain I will probably drink too much. However, I am also certain I will not eat too much because my restriction is top notch and it just isn't possible.

I plan on hitting some consignment shops this weekend to find me some new pants/capris. It is suposed to be in the 80's this weekend and all I have is jeans... and even those don't fit that well.
Happy Friday all!!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Step Aerobics- So We Meet Again!

I don't go into work until after noon on Tuesday and Thursday so I decided today was a perfect day to start getting in some exercise. I was feeling lazy and just wanted to lay on the couch with the dog. I watched my DVRed episode of Ruby (guilty pleasure) and actually got some motivation. I am not sure if it was Ruby or the fact that my dog was snoring which snapped me back to reality.

I got up and did an hour of my favorite step aerobics dvd. I felt good after, I forgot how good that feels. I am still planning on taking the pole dancing class... I even found a studio a couple miles from my house (Amy my ultimate goal is to get my own pole so I can practice anytime I want).

So... I decided to get ready for work early so I could try on some of my stockpiled "too small" clothes I have in bins in the closet. I got out 5 pairs of cropped pants and started trying them on. They were mostly 16s but there was a pair or two of 14s. The 16s were all way too big.. and the 14s just fit. I was bummed I had missed my window to wear those clothes but totally okay with the fact that they were too big.

Bad news... I need new clothes!!

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Exercise is not my strong point

I haven't really been doing much of it. For the first 5 months post op I worked out a lot. I would exercise for at least an hour five days a week. I did high impact things like step aerobics and kettle bell. Now... nothing. I don't know what happened but I just didn't like giving up the time it takes.

I am now trying to motivate myself to get back at. I know it is good for me... I know I lose weight faster. I know that sitting on the couch is doing me no good. But I still don't want to exercise.

So.. I decided I am going to find something I enjoy doing and do it. First on my list to try is pole dancing. It looks like fun and involves a pole... what is not to love. I am looking for a class that works with my work schedule. I also want to take the Bolly fit, bollywood dance class.

My current plan is to work out twice a week to start with... I can do that right?!

Monday, April 26, 2010

A weekend of fun fun fun and now I am fat fat fat.. not really.

I really enjoyed my weekend... too much! I went out for dinner with my husband on Friday... ate reasonably but followed it up with ice cream. Saturday I worked but had plans that evening and ended up downtown Detroit at Mexican Town and ate the most amazing Mexican food ever... and lots of margaritas. We went with another couple to this amazing Vaudeville Review... of course there was more drinking.

Yesterday would have been a great opportunity to eat well but... no. More wine (an entire bottle) more ice cream and amazing mac n' cheese. So bad!

Today I was up a couple of pounds. Time to clean up... I am drinking tons of water and doing protein protein protein. I am hoping to get my extra couple of pounds off as well as a little more before the weeks end. All is all I had a great time... and P.S. I so want to be a burlesque dancer.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

How did I get so fat?!

Me on my wedding day!

I started thinking about how I got to nearly 260 lbs. I have thought about this off and on and talked to a therapist about it but I am still not sure. I did not have a particularly traumatic experience or a tough childhood. I did struggle in high school with not feeling like I fit in. I grew up in rural Northern Michigan community and was somewhat limited. I was always very creative and artist which eventually led me to art school.

I was always told I was a very mature teenager, young adult, college student, and so on.... and I was. I loved the arts and literature and culture. I believed we are all equal and that we all deserved to be treated the same. I loved being around people of all religions, races, and sexual preferences. It was exciting and liberating. My small town was not liberating... it was lovely.. but very white bread.

I moved to the metro Detroit area to go to college and loved it. I got my Bachelors of Fine Art... tried to find a job... didn't... and ended up getting my Masters of Library and Information Science. I finally felt like I had found a job where I belonged and where I could relate.

In elementary school I was not fat... I was not even overweight. I was pretty normal. I have always enjoyed food. I grew up eating hardy meat and potato meals, delicious pies, and biscuits. However, everything was home made. My mom worked full-time, as did my dad, but she still had time to make all the bread, jams, dinners, deserts, etc and it was all wonderful.

In high school I was a little heavier. I remember the first time I joined Weight Watchers I was a sophomore in high school and 146 lbs. I am 5'4"....I begged me mom to sign up with me. She did. I lost 24lbs... then started back sliding. This is where my real weight problem began. I am not sure what it was but I started eating like it would be my last meal... I think I had the diet mentality already at this point.

I did weight watchers 3 more times before my Junior year of college, by that point I was 186 (when I met my husband). I wanted to lose weight before my wedding so I did WW again and got down to 148 lbs. I was 154 the day I got married and thought I looked great. That was the last day I saw that weight.

At some point I started using food to cope. I am not quite sure when this happened. I still have a hard time not using food to make myself feel better. The fact of the matter is... my band just won't let me. Thank Goddess for that!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Interesting... very interesting!

This is a very interesting article on obesity discrimination... a serious problem!

A New Problem...

Good restriction seems to mean less water for me. I have a really hard time getting in more then 40 ounces of water a day. I am so tight in the morning until about noon even water takes forever to go down. I am not complaining, just trying to figure out how to get more water in. I need to really make an effort to even get in close to what I need.

Then there is the whole peeing issue. Someone had told me the longer you drank water regularly the less you would have to pee all the time. This is a lie. I still have to pee all the time... which makes me hate the water.

Lastly, I am wearing an awesome dress today. I walked past a store window and saw my reflection and I actually looked thinner and normalish. It was great. I will try to take a picture.

Oww... and P.S. Did anyone watch Ruby where they were doing the eating technique? All the women were complaining about eating so slow and NOT DRINKING. All I could think was "welcome to my world".

Monday, April 19, 2010

Seriously?! Would you want this?!

This is one crazy scale.... and I know I wouldn't want it reporting on me!

Amazing Mother Of All Glory...

I have hit that sweet sweet spot! I have waited so long... I have dreamt about it and fantasized about the day we would meet. I have hoped and prayed, and it is finally here. This is so amazing... and it only took me 7 months! I am rarely hungry, fill up after only a few bites and stay full (not quite for 4 hours but I will take it). I am learning how to eat all over again. I have pbed a few times over the weekend and slimed a LOT! But it is all so so worth it.

My weekend was so nice, we had dinner with friends on Saturday and visited my husbands grandma yesterday. We also had lots of down time to just relax. The weather was terrible... very cold. However, today we are back to the mid 60's and it is wonderful! I ate less then awesome but with my new restriction I really can't sneak too much crap in. So, even though I didn't eat all that great and drank a ton of wine I didn't gain an ounce. I am hoping to get another few pounds off this week (or 5).

In other news, I will be going to Chicago in September and can't wait to meet everyone. We aren't very far (about a 3 hour drive) and my husband and I are going to drive there and continue on to visit some family in the Chicago area. My husband says you will all make fun of me for bringing the "ole ball and chair". But I think you are nicer then that! I am hoping to be 100 lbs down by that time. It will be a true celebration!

Happy Monday!

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Pictures are now clickable... and giant

So... I was having some issues and ended up just posting my pictures to photobucket. You can now click on the GIANT photos and it will take you to the proper photo!


Friday, April 16, 2010

Updated Before and During

These photos are a little sketchy because they weren't taken in the same place or in the same way each time but I tried my best. They still show a difference though. They are first @259 lbs, then 229 lbs, then 209 lbs, and lastly now at 189 lbs.

OMG! 70!!!

Ladies and gents I have made it to that fabulous 70 lb down place! I am officially out of the 190's and standing firmly in the 180's. I am exactly 189 lbs this morning and it feels amazing! This is the lightest I have been in years! A lot of my 16s are now to big and I am wearing some 14s! Woohoo! I am now looking to the 170's!
Happy Friday!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

For comparison purposes...

I decided to find a photo from before that I could use in a side by side with the face shot I put up yesterday. Here it is:I pretty much look like a different person. I am so close to 189= 70 lbs down. I am hoping to get there in the next day or so. I can't wait to update my full body before and during photos!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010


Not the food, but instead my latest head shot!

Feeling Pretty Darn Great!

So far my restriction is A+. I ate a Cliff bar this morning, it took me about 45 minutes and I stayed full for quite a while. I just finished my lunch of 1.5 ounces of chicken and I am stuffed. I also brought some greek yogurt which I will have to eat later. I am for sure tight, but so far not too tight. I did struggle with the chicken and probably will have to stick to softer foods before dinner.

I am just very pleased that I am getting full and staying full. I am also pleased that I can eat solids at all. I was so worried I was going to be way too tight. So far so good. Hope you all are having an awesome super terrific hump day!

P.S. What do you guys usually do about breakfast? I have a hard time with lots of breakfast foods.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Fill and Too Tight and then Not Too Tight... well maybe

Today I visited Dr. Katz. As always, a pleasure to see him. I only lost 3 lbs this month... he told me I am doing great but need to get some more off. He asked me how I was eating. I told him last night I ate 8 ounces of chicken and some asparagus... which I did. By the way, the chicken was enchilada stuffed chicken from Trader Joe's and it was AMAZING! It is 150 calories per 5 ounces and tastes like a dream. Anyway... back to my original story. So Dr. Katz thinks my ability to eat that much is crazy and decides to give me a fill. He doesn't tell me how much until I sit up and take a drink. He gave me 1.5 cc!! Dear God! Right away the water started coming back up... yikes. I lay back down he sticks me again and takes out .25 cc... not enough still pbing on water. Back in with the needle and out with another .5 cc. Better... the water is sssslllloooowww going down but it is going down.

He tells me to sit for a while and decide if I am okay. I decide I am. On the way home (about an hour drive) I decide to drink a vitamin water. Okay... tiny sip... then is very slowly goes down. Another sip... slowly down. I decided to try my protein shake just to see if I would have trouble (yeah I know, he tells me clear liquids but I can't handle it). It took me about 1/2 hour to drink my protein shake. So, I know I might be swollen... but I think I might be too tight... maybe not. I don't want to wake up not able to swallow my spit. After experiencing that right after the first 1.5 cc fill it scared the pants off me.

I hope I am going to find this to be my wonderful terrific sweet spot. I hope I can get into the 180's soon and shake the 190's. I guess we will soon see. My biggest fear is that usually at about 1 week after the fill I get even tighter. If that happens I will be in big trouble!

In other news, all my shoes are getting too big. I was wearing 8.5 wides or 9 medium and now the 9s are WAY too big and the 8.5 wides are way too wide. I need new shoes. Of course I do have some shoes from my skinnier days, but they aren't things I love. I guess this is a good problem to have though!

I also wanted to mention that I have seen all of your bloggers (or lots of you) struggling and wanted to give you a supportive pat on the back. You will all get over this (including me and my 3 lbs loss this month) and we will achieve our goals. We just have to keep at it!

Sunday, April 11, 2010

I have been MIA....

This is a picture of my and my award and my always supportive sister. :)

because I have been out of town at a library conference. I was planning on eating really well so I could lose 5 lbs in a week. :) Of course that didn't happen. I ate lots of crap. Every where I went there was chocolate and cookies and ice cream and yummy yummy goodness. So, of course, I ate it. I don't feel too bad about the whole thing, but of course, now I feel like I should have used some restraint. I didn't gain anything, but I didn't lose either.

I wasn't really looking forward to attending this conference, but something amazing happened. One of my co-workers (with the help and support letters of A LOT of other people) nominated me for Michigan's state award for Teen Service Librarian of The Year. I won the award. I had no idea, it was a complete and total surprise. I cried! This was a huge honor and felt amazing. I can't help but think that it was that much more amazing because I had lost weight and felt better about myself.

All and all a really amazing experience. I do however, now need to catch up on all your blogs!! Look for my comments soon!!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Exciting, Thrilling, Amazing.... Library Conference

I am heading out tomorrow morning for a three day library conference. Thought these conferences can be somewhat interesting and enjoyable... I am dreading going to this one. I am not sure why.. I think it has to do with the stressful work situation and the horrible communication at my place of employment. It makes it really hard to be positive about work lately. I am also worried about the eating while away from home. I hope I can make good choices and come home a couple lbs lighter, not heavier.

On another note... I ate lunch before I left for work today. It didn't go down well and was a bit stuck. I sat around for 10 minutes or so trying to decide if I should leave or if it was going to come back up. I decided it was okay and left. Ten minutes after I left my house I had to pull over and find something to PB into. Not pleasant... but I survived..

Happy Tuesday!

Monday, April 5, 2010

Yikes Easter

Wow... Easter was an eating disaster! Prime rib, twice baked potato, roasted veggies, broccoli bacon salad, cheese, 2 pieces of pie (small but still). I ate so bad yesterday! Of course I couldn't eat large quantities of anything but I still ate everything. However, this morning I threw all the leftovers down the garbage disposal. I may have wasted lovely delicious food but we don't need it in our house. Instead I defrosted some shrimp for dinner tonight and brought a good healthy lunch to work.

I did not get on the scale this morning. Too scary!

Welcome back to the work week!

Friday, April 2, 2010

I confess... I ate a McFlurry.

Yup... I couldn't handle it... a co-worker brought me a McFlurry last night and I ate it. And it was good. Fortunately the scale was still where it was yesterday. No guilt here.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Thursday, and Success!

Yesterday was a true test of my commitment. I ate good all day... great breakfast, great lunch, and planned ahead for a healthy dinner. Well, yesterday I somehow lost my phone.. and was all freaked out about it. So when I got home I asked my husband if he wanted to go out to dinner and get me a new phone. He, of course, was game.

We went to a really nice seafood restaurant so I looked at the menu and saw that they had an appetizer of coconut shrimp (my absolute favorite and of course not so healthy). I couldn't find anything else that I really wanted so I ordered the shrimp. I ate a couple bites of my husbands salad, a roll (I still can eat bread at night, weird) and 3 of my shrimp and one tiny redskin potato. That was it... and I was happy. Usually when we go out to eat, I have a hard time not using that as an excuse to eat whatever and however much I want. Again, another scale reward this morning. I was down another 1.6 lbs!

Today I had a good breakfast, and got into work with my lunch (I work 12:30 pm- 9:00 pm) and forgot about the department taco bar. So I decided I would have two tacos. One of my co-workers made turkey taco meat so I had that on whole wheat shells. I added my toppings (including sour cream and guac) and ate one taco. I assessed how I felt and realized I was satisfied. I am not hungry so I am not eating anymore. This is huge for me. I have always been so focused on counting points or calories that I haven't been tuned into my own hunger.

Only one more work day this week... sadly we are open tomorrow! Happy Celebrating for those who are celebrating! And here's to a great rest of the week!