Saturday, July 31, 2010

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Thinking about the future

I weighed myself this morning and I am already losing my vacation weight. I am hoping by next Monday I can be 179. I am not sure if it will really happen, but I would love it if it did. I am trying to be very aware of what I am eating and eating only when I am hungry. So far so good.

I am scheduled to see my doctor next Thursday and I am wondering if I need a fill. I feel like I have decent restriction but I can still eat more then a cup at a sitting. I also am not staying full for 4 hours. I am thinking maybe I will get a small tweak.. maybe .25 cc.

Anyway, I have been thinking about my impending 1 year bandiversary. It is just shy of 5 weeks away. I had hoped to be 100 lbs down, obviously that will not happen. I would have even settled for 90 lbs down, but I don't think that will happen either. Now I am shooting for 85. I have to say, earlier on in my journey I would have been devastated by the thought of only being 80 + lbs down in a year... but now.. I am thrilled. I know I will get the rest of the weight off and more importantly, I know I will keep it off.

I also feel pretty good about myself at my current weight, though I still have a ways to go. Bottom line is, I feel good! I had quite a few struggles this year. I didn't have any real restriction until about 6 months out and then was forced to have an entire unfill a month later. Now I have finally gotten good restriction (at month 10.5) and am really enjoying my band.

In the beginning I always felt pressure to keep up and to lose fast... but now I know that each journey is different and mine is still a huge success.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Quick vacation... so refreshed

I had a quick little weekend away this past weekend. We drove up to my parents house in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. It was fantastic. Unfortunately, their dog had died the day before we left and it was somewhat unexpected. She was only five and was very much adored by my parents. They struggled with it the entire time we were there but I think our visit was a good distraction.

Anyway, we spent lots of time in the water (they have a place on a small inland lake). I also ate a ton of pie and ice cream... yeah not so good but ooooooohhhh so good! I am up a little over two lbs today. I am a-okay with that. Each pound was so worth it. My band was pretty good, but of course, the pie and ice cream just slid right down.

In other news, I just finished my application to go back to school (again) for a certificate in Competitive Intelligence and Knowledge Management. I hope to be starting the program in the fall. I am not sure exactly what I want to be when I grow up... but I do think that this certificate will help me get there.

Happy Monday all!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

The scale is moving... and in the right direction

Down another 1.2 lbs this morning. I am pushing closer and closer to that 80 lb mark (only 2.2 lbs) !!


Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Tuesday brings a better day.. right?!

So, I am over my little cranky bitchfest last night. My husband apologized and I realized I was being over sensitive. I have been stressed lately and yesterday I just seemed to fall apart. I feel better today and even saw a small loss on the scale (.6 lbs but that is still a loss right). I did however, have a horrific pb again today. I ate lunch before I left for work at noon. I started eating early enough so I would have a half an hour to slowly enjoy my lunch. Everything was fine when I left the house. I was planning on eating a sugar free pudding because I wanted something sweet but didn't have time so I ate it when I got to work.

I got to work, sat down and started going through email and ect. I slowly ate my pudding and about half way through I realized there was a problem. I threw my pudding away and thought it would pass. I had to be on the reference desk at 1 and realized right about that time I was not okay. I was sliming really bad so I went to the bathroom but just mostly slimed. I knew there was more to come. I started walking to the reference desk and realized I was in trouble. I ran back to the bathroom.. more slime. I thought it would pass so I went to the desk. I was there for about 5 minutes and knew I need to get someone to cover for me so I didn't have to keep running back and forth.

I went out to my car (my usual puke plan because it is just too weird when my co-workers are walking in and out of the bathroom) and proceeded to puke pudding 3 times. Now, I am wondering... I kind of struggle with my pbs. I am jealous of those of you who just open your mouth and out the stuck thing comes. It usually takes me multiple pbs to get unstuck.

Anyway, another lesson learned. I guess eating pudding after a meal is alot like drinking. At least it had the same effect for me.

Only tomorrow and a half day left for me to work this week... then I have a few days off! Woohoo!

Monday, July 19, 2010

My non-band rant...

Here's the back story. Okay, so I work full time... some evenings and weekends some "9-5" days. I am a librarian so I work "library hours". My husband is a teacher, so he has summers off... sort of. He also teaches summer school so he works for five weeks in the summer Monday- Thursday 7:30-noon. Next week is his last week of summer school and then he will have 5 weeks off. He also coaches basketball (which he loves but that can also be time consuming). Right now he isn't coaching only teaching summer school from 7:30- noon.

I can him on my way home from work today (about 5:20ish) to make sure leftovers are okay for dinner. He says he would rather go out. I don't want to do this for a couple of reason, 1. I don't want to spend the money 2. I don't want to eat extra calories which always seems to happen when we go out 3. we will be eating out a lot over the weekend. So I bring up leftovers again.. he doesn't want it (honestly I don't either, it is leftover shrimp and I don't even like shrimp that much the first time around). So, I say I will make a turkey meatloaf and sweet potato fries. He says that sounds good. So I make dinner, it is all in the oven and his cell phone keeps ringing. Finally he answers and it is some of the guys he coaches with... they want him to come play basketball.

He gets off the phone and says to me, "I have to go play, they are begging me". I instantly become irate. I don't say anything but he knows I am pissed. He goes upstairs and changes clothes and comes back down and says, "are you mad at me?" I tell him I am and that he hurt my feelings. I worked all day (he was at home since 12:30 playing video games *I didn't say that* and I came home and made dinner). I was tired and didn't feel like cooking. I just wanted to eat leftovers so I could relax but he didn't want that so I made something else and he is leaving?!

I am so pissed. I am tired... I was hungry (ate dinner myself) and I feel like I am not appreciated. I am probably totally overreacting but I am so tired of doing all the cleaning and cooking while working so that he can go out with friends and play video games when he gets home. Don't get me wrong, my husband is an extremely hard worker and always does extra stuff (lunch duty, coaching, summer school) to make some extra money but for some reason I can't get over this. I even started crying... it really hurt my feelings.

Anyway, thanks for listening to my rant.

Hope you all have a good night!

You know what pisses me off?!

Being stuck at 184 for like two weeks. Not just stuck there... but working my ass off to get away from 184 and I just keep seeing it over and over and over. It is like freak'n ground hog day! I know this is normal... but that doesn't make it any less frustrating. It is especially frustrating because I have seen 180 before and I just can't seem to get back there. I want to get to that 80 lb mark so bad... but no, my body just doesn't want to budge.

Anywho... keep on keep'n on. I have some time off the end of this week and will be enjoying my free time... hopefully a few lbs lighter... I am just saying. At least I don't look like this anymore!

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Worst stuck EVER!

I am working today... boo hiss... and I brought a frozen meal for lunch. It is some pasta and chicken thing. I do not have issues with pasta ever. I even kind of feel like it is a slider for me. I am also much much tighter at lunch then I am at dinner. So... I make my little frozen entree and start eating. I get about half way done with it and *WHAM* stuck. I am eating lunch with a couple of co-workers/friends and they know all about my band. I try to fight down the slime but it is BAD. So I get up go to the bathroom and slime and slime and slime.

I think I feel better so I go back and sit with my co-workers. At this point I am still hoping maybe I can eat the rest of my lunch (I am still hungry). So I sit and wait... start sliming again... go the bathroom and big time PB. The stuck chicken comes back up. I feel better right away. So I wait a few minutes and decide to just eat the pasta. One bite... stuck. I start sliming right away, am hurting bad... back to the bathroom.... tons of slime and pbing but not feeling any better. This goes on for an hour! I finally drive to the store to get some papaya enzymes. I take 9 of those and start to feel better.

Finally at 3:45 I try to eat the yogurt I brought with me for a snack. It went down... no pb.. I feel better. Looks like mushies for dinner.

What did I learn from this:
~Do not EVER eat frozen meals with meat.. it is too tough
~Do not try to eat regular foods again after a pb.. go easy
~Papaya seems to actually help.. take it as soon as stuck
~I am much tighter at lunch then at dinner

Ugh... what a miserable way to spend a couple hours at work! Anyway, no other real weekend plans. Hope you all are enjoying your weekends!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Eating and Life

It has been a really great week of eating. I am so happy I have decent restriction, although I do need another fill to get me to sweet spot heaven, but I am not willing to complain too much now! I have been eating less and getting satisfied sooner. The tricky part is that I am not staying full as long as I would like to. This is why I need another fill.

This week I have been very mindful and have lost all the extra weight I gained in the past few weeks, however, I still need to lose a few more to get to my all time low. I just really want to get to that 80 lb mark. Being that the weekend is soon apon us I always get more worried about eating. I have a really hard time staying on track on the weekends... we eat out a lot more and I am just not on my regular schedule.

I am hoping to go somewhere for some good fish this weekend. I like fish but I do not like it when I or my husband cook it. I am really weird about fish... I grew up in a very rural area and never ate fish from a store... I only ate fish that was fresh caught and I got to be a very picky fish eater. I was too spoiled.

Anyway, I have to work Saturday but am off tomorrow. I think we are going to go mini golfing.. I haven't done that forever!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010


Day!! Woohoo!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

What's different this time?

Are there some collar bones starting to show...maybe!

I have been thinking a lot lately about what is different this time around with my weight loss. Obviously, this is the first time I have lost weight after weight loss surgery. But, there are so many things that feel different this time around.

For one thing... I know I am going to succeed. Some mornings I wake up feeling like this weight will never be gone, but most of the time I feel good about how far I have come and know that even if it takes a couple years.... my excess weight will be gone.

I also feel like, for the most part, I have really committed to changing my lifestyle. There are some things (exercise) that I will probably always be fighting but I know I will always keep trying. Which brings me to trying... I keep on trying. Even if I have a couple or few or even a month of sub par eating, I eventually get back to it. Sure I could have lost a lot more weight by this point if I had been on track 100% but I have lost a great deal of weight living the life I can continue living forever.

I have a huge support system. Mostly being all of you bloggers and followers. My husband and family is also very supportive but they just can't relate. Seeing all you folks who are going through the same struggles and understand exactly what this experience is like makes a big difference.

And of course my band is here to help me... I could not do this without my band. Speaking of my band.. my restriction seems to be pretty good these days. I am filling up much faster and am really limited with portions... however, I am not staying full as long as I would like. I probably still need a small tweak to get me to that "ideal" restriction but I am so happy for what I have.

Happy Tuesday!

Friday, July 9, 2010

Friday! Woot!

I am SO glad it is Friday. So far my restriction seems to have improved... however I am still not entirely sold on it... we will see next week if it tightens up. I will say that when I ate my yogurt for breakfast this morning it sort of gurgled down. That is a good sign! I am going to try really hard not to weigh myself for a week... I have been a little scale obsessed lately and it just isn't moving which makes me cranky.

Not much planned for the weekend but I wouldn't mind going to the beach. I am also really looking forward to sleeping in.

Happy Friday!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Had that fill... the numbers aren't adding up... or are they?

Okay, so today I went in for my fill. Dr. Katz gave me 1.5 cc fill. I am on liquids today so I am not sure about the level of tightness but the water was slower to go down this time. I still don't think I am at my sweet spot but I feel like I am getting closer.... again. So the weird thing is... I am now at 6 ccs. When I had a complete unfill a month and a half ago I was at 5.5 ccs (or so my Dr. thought) and I was at perfect fill level... anymore would have put me over the edge. So I can already tell that at 6 ccs I do not feel as tight as I did when I got that final fill to bring me up to 5.5 ccs.

I don't understand... I haven't lost much weight if any. My best guess is that he didn't really pay that much attention when he took the fill out... in fact, I am betting he just guessed. He is not a huge fan of keeping track of the actual number... and I was unfilled at an emergency appointment and I don't even think he wrote it down. So... what is my magical number I wonder?!

I couldn't get another fill appointment until August 5th which is exactly one month from today. I am going out town a couple of times in the next month, both of which were his next available appointments. I do usually get tighter about one week after a fill. I am hoping at that one week point I will a decent and tolerable amount of restriction... isn't that all we ever wish for?!

Happy Thursday, one more day until the weekend!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Holiday Worldwind... and I need a fill (story of my life)

I had a very busy, and mostly fun filled holiday weekend. We had my husband's step grandfather's viewing and funeral on Thursday and Friday.. I had to work Saturday, a family get-together on Sunday and spent yesterday at the beach. Whew... the time really flew by. It was nice to have Monday off so we could relax a bit.

I ate pretty bad on Sunday, but it seems to have all worked itself out as I didn't gain anything. I am still hovering around the same weight. Any restriction I once had was gone. The weird thing about this is the last time I was at this fill level I had okay restriction. On Sunday I ate a hot dog on a bun and a sloppy joe on a bun. No issues... oww... and I was drinking while eating (just call me a model bandster). It kind of freaks me out that I am not feeling anything. I am not sure if the unfill changed things for me and if it will take more fluid to get me to good restriction.

I have a fill on Thursday and I can't wait! I just hope he is willing to give me a good fill. Now I am going to try to catch up on all your blogs! Happy Tuesday.