Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Coming to Terms with Exercise

I hate exercise.  Maybe I just haven't found the right one, but I am pretty sure I hate it all.  I am now realizing the farther down the road I get from my revision date the more I want to eat.  This is normal, I am told.  However, that means additional calories.  I used to be able to get by on 1000 calories pretty easily.  Now I am lucky to get by on 1200.  On the weekends it is probably more like 1400.  This means, to continue to lose weight I need to make up the difference. 

My doctor has always told me that fitness is a vital part of success post op.  He said that it is especially important the further out your are.  He said he has never seen someone be successful long term without being active regularly.  I hear this, and I ignore it.

I know I need to start moving.  I have committed to working out 4 days a week every week.  I have done it 2 days this week.  I hate it.  I want to cry.  I want to punch people.  It is not fun.  This is my starting point and I committing. 

When I was in my really successful losing faze with my Lap Band I was exercising almost everyday.  I did it for months.  I never skipped.  I hated it then but it was just part of my life.  I guess I need to get to that point again.

Friday, November 8, 2013

Missing: My Motivation

Let me start by saying I have gained a couple pounds.  My birthday was the end of October and I haven't been back on track since.  I just can't find my motivation.

 It is so much easier to have a social life when you can just pick up and go out to eat and not worry about only eating what you planned for lunch.  Having a glass or two of wine each night is so relaxing.  And... I have so enjoyed not obsessing about food.

However, it is time to get back to work.  I need to shed the pounds I put back on and try to get a few more off.  Part of my problem is that I have gotten to a weight where I sort of like my body and like the way my clothes fit.  I think I look pretty good.  Sure, I would love to lose another 35 lbs... even 10 or 20.  But that means I really have to work for it.  I remember this feeling when I had my band.  I got to roughly this same weight and thought, "I could just work at staying right here".  Of course, I still have days where I think I am disgusting and fat and hate myself and then I just feel bad for ever being okay with my current weight. 

Ugh, this whole weight loss this is such a head game.