Thursday, December 23, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Now to the rational part... I know that I am not really gaining weight and that I must of had a lot of salt or some other strange thing. I know the weight will drop again but it still makes me angry. I wanted that 167 bad and I am not getting it. Boo... o well. Maybe tomorrow the scale will show me something better.
Monday, December 20, 2010
The scale continues to slowly move downwards I did see 168.6 at one point but it didn't seem to stick. I am still hoping to get to 167 by Thursday. We will see if that happens.
I wanted to attach the most fantastic soup recipe I have ever made. It is so tasty and hearty and a good source of protein. Click here for the Cheeseburger Soup of my dreams. I make is with organic 4% fat ground beef.
Hope you are all well!
Friday, December 17, 2010
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
However, my goal is to get to at least 169, ideally 167 by Christmas. As of this morning I was 171.4. I better get my ass in gear. Tomorrow is my departments holiday party, and next Monday is our all staff party. I need to stear clear of all the yumness if I am going to make this happen.
I plan to eat whatever I feel like eating at our family Christams get togethers (which probably won't be that much). Anywho... Happy 11 days til Christmas.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Thursday, December 9, 2010
I am still aiming for 167 by Christmas. That is 6 lbs in 2 weeks. It may not be possible, but I at least think it is worth a try. If I can make it to 169 I would be really happy, and that may be more doable. My band is really tight this week, due to the always loved "lady time". I actually love having this one week a month where my band gets tight. I could probably not live with it this tight, but for one week I do a lot of liquids and mushies, and solids only at dinner. It works.
In other news, I am counting down to my 11 days off starting December 23rd. I need a vacation people!!
Saturday, December 4, 2010
So, I have been eating lots of ice cream. Ice cream never sticks and goes down like a champ no matter if I scarf it or eat is slow. There is no "small bites" involved. Now, some of you may be thinking that I need an unfill because there are classics symptoms of too tight. But... it is just classic laziness symptoms. And of course, I am turning to the ice cream to make me feel better too. I am not sure what my deal has been emotionally but I am not feeling like myself.
Today, I have been sticking with great yogurt and soup.. if I am going to be lazy, at least eat things that are not so calorie laden. So far it is working.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
My husband took this picture last night. I look very strange and short but it is the angle... at least I hope it is! :)
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
Saturday we visited family and did some shopping. Yesterday was just a recovery day, we laid around and watched movies and bad tv. I weighed myself yesterday morning and I was 172. So, I actually woke up Sunday weighing less then Friday. This NEVER happens, so that was a good weekend. I have been working really hard to work out and eat well 95% of the time. I am hoping to get off a couple more pounds before the end of the week.
I am planning on eating whatever I want on Thanksgiving... I can't eat very much anyway.. but I will have dinner and desert. I am cooking and I plan to spare no calorie! I am doing some good old fashion home cooking!
Keep on keeping on all!
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
The other issue is that my therapist wants me to focus less on the weight loss and more on my relationships with food. This sometimes entails eating things on impulse for the mental benefits. I just don't know... it is hard when she wants me to do one thing and the surgeon is telling me something entirely different.
All in all... I am happy... I like me... and though I would love to be 30 lbs lighter, I know I will get there eventually. It is okay if it takes a while. I will admit... I still want to be 169 by Thanksgiving and I could totally do it if I would stop screwing around on the weekends.
Cheers to Hump Day!
Friday, November 12, 2010
So yesterday I quickly went shopping on my lunch break for a new something to wear with a pair of leggings I bought on a whim. I didn't have anything to wear with the leggings... well nothing appropriate at least. So.. I found a really cute long tunic and I had the perfect pair of boots. I decided to wear this outfit to work today and OMG... everyone commented on how great I looked. I really think it is because I have been wearing clothes that are way too big. I probably look like I lost 10 lbs over night because my clothes actually fit today. The bonus to this outfit is that it is outrageously comfortable! I will try to remember to have my husband take a picture of my tonight when I get home so I can post it.
I will need to try to do some more shopping this weekend.. I really need a few things that fit. I feel SO MUCH BETTER in cl0thes that actually fit me.
My restriction has been really strange. I am extremely tight right now and getting full fast. It is great except that in the morning liquid even kind of hurts the first couple of drinks. I am pretty sure this change in restriction is because of my special lady time. It is interesting.. since my last fill each day is a new adventure. A couple weeks ago I ate a sandwich... on a pita.. which I haven't been able to do in a long time. O well, I am going to enjoy the restriction while it lasts!
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
I forgot how bad liquids sucked.
Monday, November 8, 2010
I did weigh myself this morning to get an idea of where I am at so that I can compare with my post pouch test results. I am up.... up about 5 lbs. This freaks me out because it just sort of proves that I can't trust myself without the regular weighing and calorie counting. I will have to talk to the therapist about this tomorrow.
So, anyway... today is day one of the pouch test. So far I have had a sugar free pudding, a protein drink, and I am currently sipping on chicken broth. I am also trying to get lots of water in. Hopefully by the end of this pouch test I can get things back to normal... stop the pouch abuse and lose some of the lbs I have gained.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
I still haven't weighed myself, but from the way my clothes fit, I would say I am staying right about the same... with maybe a few pounds gained from the weekend. I am not planning on weighing myself again until November 16th and I hope to see at least a small positive change by then.
I have had a really weird change in restriction. I have loosened up considerably and made an appointment for a fill. However, I am sort of liking the fact that I was able to eat 1/2 piece of whole wheat toast and an egg for breakfast (which has stayed with my since I ate it at 9 this morning, no lunch yet). I feel like sometimes I get so tight I am limiting good foods out. Of course when I have less restriction I must use more self control to make good decisions. I purposely scheduled my fill a couple weeks out.. the 18th... so that I could decide what I really wanted.
That is pretty much all I have to report! Hope you are all great, I am going to get to reading the blogs now!
Thursday, October 28, 2010
I think I am going to take a break from the numbers, take a break from the scale and just live my life. I spend so much time counting calories, obsessing about what I am going to eat, and just not trusting myself. It is time for me to learn how to trust myself, rely on myself. So my goal is to try not to weigh myself for two weeks. I am going to just do what feels right and see how that works. I am going to just be me.
I hope you are all doing well! Have a great end of the week.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
I did see my therapist today and really feel like I could make some great progress with her. She is in my face just enough to push my limits (which is just what I need). I am scared to go back because I think she is going to push my limits and there are lots of feelings I have been avoiding.
In other news, my birthday is just a little over a week. The last year of my 20's!
Friday, October 15, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
I don't see myself at my current weight... I see myself as fat. I don't know what I want to weigh because I think I will always want to lose more. Don't get me wrong, I feel so much better.... but I still don't know who this new body is.
I also have some other issues.... I still can't figure out what to do with that hole that eating has left. I still want to turn to eating for comfort... but I really can't anymore.. it just isn't possible. I have a lot of questions for myself that I just don't know how to ask... so I turn to the therapist. Here we go again!
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Tonight I am going to a big birthday party for a friend. I am looking forward to relaxing and having a good time. I really feel like I can so much better of a time now at my weight. It isn't something I am constantly thinking about and I feel confident (most of the time).
Anyway, I have been so busy, I haven't been a very good blog buddy. I hope you all are doing great!
Monday, October 4, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
On the band front... things are good. I have great restriction, am hardly ever hungry, and can get full on 1/2 cup. That is a first for me, and I sort of love it.
Friday, September 24, 2010
My new fill is fantastic, and is keeping me right on track! I have also started working out again which is making a big difference.
Have a great weekend!
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
Myself (lower left) and my husband (lower right) and our best couple hanging out at a bar on Friday. Obviously, I just can't kick that drinking. I also had some fried pickles.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
I essentially went back to my doctors pre pre-op diet. It is very bland foods like oatmeal, cream of wheat, plain sugar free yogurt, skim milk, and veggies. There are a few other things in there but this is what I am eating. It is designed to bring you sugar levels back to normal and your salt level back under control. I suspect I should see some weight loss after a few days on this. I am not planning on weighing myself until Friday so I can see some actual results (hopefully).
Thursday I am going to get a fill, which I have mentioned, I need desperately. I can eat a whole lot these days with little trouble. It is funny how your restriction slowly starts to go and you just slowly eat more and one day you realize you need a fill fast.
Anyway, back on the journey!
Hope you are all well!
Monday, September 13, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
I would be sad to leave my current position and location but I would also like a new kind of challenge. We will see where this all goes... but anyway, things are a-okay for now.
On to my one year... I have pretty much stayed at 80 lbs down. I feel like this is something to celebrate! I would have liked to be 100 down... but honestly.. I am just going to keep on working on it and I know I can get there.
So much has changed in the past year... I feel so much better both physically and mentally.
I can do things I couldn't (or didn't want to) like hiking and biking and just walking around a festival. I am not out of breath or breathing hard. I sleep well, I don't snore, and I wake up refreshed. I feel like a somewhat normal person. I enjoy life much more. I make good eating choices MOST of the time. I enjoy clothes and shopping more.
However, I still have some work ahead of me. In the next year, I need to lose another 40ish lbs. I need to continue learning to use my tool for good and not evil... and I need to continue down a path of positive lifestyle... all still challenging, though less so.
I could not have made it this far without all my blog friends. Thank you for everything!
Monday, August 30, 2010
So anyway, I am only a few days away from my 1 year bandiversary... where has the year gone. Hope you are all well... I am going to try to catch up on all that I missed while I was gone!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Lately, I have been so busy having a social life I have pretty much just been maintaining my weight. I have been doing drinks with friends, dinners out, and parties left and right. The most fantastic thing about this is that I have been maintaining my weight loss. I may bounce up or down a .5 lb (177.5-178.5) but I am thrilled. I certainly want to continue getting the weight off... I really want to see my goal, but I am also really enjoying the spoils of my work so far. I feel like I am so much more social now... I have always been social, but now I am looking for any opportunity to go out with friends.
I have a nine days work free coming up here as well as my husband's birthday and our seven year wedding anniversary. I don't expect to have any earth shaking loses in the next couple weeks... maybe even a small gain. But I am so excited with how far I have come!
Monday, August 16, 2010
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Have a great Saturday all!
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
My band has been very strange the last few days. Just when I think I can eat anything, I eat something that is usually really easy for me and ~stuck~. Monday night I had a taco (usually really easy) had two bites and had to stop, about a half an hour later I pbed. I actually think my restriction is right where I want it to be. If I am very very careful I can eat a bit of bread, but still can't over do it.. even on chips.
One week from Friday I start my nine day vacation. At this point I am just counting down the days. I can not wait to enjoy the beautiful weather and spend time with my husband! Summer is such a busy time for me at work.. I can't wait to take a break.
Hope you are all well!
P.S. Thanks to all who follow me, and welcome to the new folks!!
Friday, August 6, 2010
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
I was also down on the scale this morning and I only have 1.6 lbs let to get to 80 down. I hope I can make that happen in the next couple days!
Thanks everyone for the advice, and welcome to my new followers!!
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Monday, August 2, 2010
I generally chart everything I eat because I enjoy being in control. I have an appointment with my band doctor on Thursday and I am trying to decide what I need. I feel like I could use a little tweak because I am not staying full for more then a couple hours... however, I am also pretty restricted and have to be very aware when I eat.
Anyway, Happy Monday all! Hope you all had a great weekend!
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
I am scheduled to see my doctor next Thursday and I am wondering if I need a fill. I feel like I have decent restriction but I can still eat more then a cup at a sitting. I also am not staying full for 4 hours. I am thinking maybe I will get a small tweak.. maybe .25 cc.
Anyway, I have been thinking about my impending 1 year bandiversary. It is just shy of 5 weeks away. I had hoped to be 100 lbs down, obviously that will not happen. I would have even settled for 90 lbs down, but I don't think that will happen either. Now I am shooting for 85. I have to say, earlier on in my journey I would have been devastated by the thought of only being 80 + lbs down in a year... but now.. I am thrilled. I know I will get the rest of the weight off and more importantly, I know I will keep it off.
I also feel pretty good about myself at my current weight, though I still have a ways to go. Bottom line is, I feel good! I had quite a few struggles this year. I didn't have any real restriction until about 6 months out and then was forced to have an entire unfill a month later. Now I have finally gotten good restriction (at month 10.5) and am really enjoying my band.
In the beginning I always felt pressure to keep up and to lose fast... but now I know that each journey is different and mine is still a huge success.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
I got to work, sat down and started going through email and ect. I slowly ate my pudding and about half way through I realized there was a problem. I threw my pudding away and thought it would pass. I had to be on the reference desk at 1 and realized right about that time I was not okay. I was sliming really bad so I went to the bathroom but just mostly slimed. I knew there was more to come. I started walking to the reference desk and realized I was in trouble. I ran back to the bathroom.. more slime. I thought it would pass so I went to the desk. I was there for about 5 minutes and knew I need to get someone to cover for me so I didn't have to keep running back and forth.
I went out to my car (my usual puke plan because it is just too weird when my co-workers are walking in and out of the bathroom) and proceeded to puke pudding 3 times. Now, I am wondering... I kind of struggle with my pbs. I am jealous of those of you who just open your mouth and out the stuck thing comes. It usually takes me multiple pbs to get unstuck.
Anyway, another lesson learned. I guess eating pudding after a meal is alot like drinking. At least it had the same effect for me.
Only tomorrow and a half day left for me to work this week... then I have a few days off! Woohoo!
Monday, July 19, 2010
I can him on my way home from work today (about 5:20ish) to make sure leftovers are okay for dinner. He says he would rather go out. I don't want to do this for a couple of reason, 1. I don't want to spend the money 2. I don't want to eat extra calories which always seems to happen when we go out 3. we will be eating out a lot over the weekend. So I bring up leftovers again.. he doesn't want it (honestly I don't either, it is leftover shrimp and I don't even like shrimp that much the first time around). So, I say I will make a turkey meatloaf and sweet potato fries. He says that sounds good. So I make dinner, it is all in the oven and his cell phone keeps ringing. Finally he answers and it is some of the guys he coaches with... they want him to come play basketball.
He gets off the phone and says to me, "I have to go play, they are begging me". I instantly become irate. I don't say anything but he knows I am pissed. He goes upstairs and changes clothes and comes back down and says, "are you mad at me?" I tell him I am and that he hurt my feelings. I worked all day (he was at home since 12:30 playing video games *I didn't say that* and I came home and made dinner). I was tired and didn't feel like cooking. I just wanted to eat leftovers so I could relax but he didn't want that so I made something else and he is leaving?!
I am so pissed. I am tired... I was hungry (ate dinner myself) and I feel like I am not appreciated. I am probably totally overreacting but I am so tired of doing all the cleaning and cooking while working so that he can go out with friends and play video games when he gets home. Don't get me wrong, my husband is an extremely hard worker and always does extra stuff (lunch duty, coaching, summer school) to make some extra money but for some reason I can't get over this. I even started crying... it really hurt my feelings.
Anyway, thanks for listening to my rant.
Hope you all have a good night!
Saturday, July 17, 2010
I think I feel better so I go back and sit with my co-workers. At this point I am still hoping maybe I can eat the rest of my lunch (I am still hungry). So I sit and wait... start sliming again... go the bathroom and big time PB. The stuck chicken comes back up. I feel better right away. So I wait a few minutes and decide to just eat the pasta. One bite... stuck. I start sliming right away, am hurting bad... back to the bathroom.... tons of slime and pbing but not feeling any better. This goes on for an hour! I finally drive to the store to get some papaya enzymes. I take 9 of those and start to feel better.
Finally at 3:45 I try to eat the yogurt I brought with me for a snack. It went down... no pb.. I feel better. Looks like mushies for dinner.
What did I learn from this:
~Do not EVER eat frozen meals with meat.. it is too tough
~Do not try to eat regular foods again after a pb.. go easy
~Papaya seems to actually help.. take it as soon as stuck
~I am much tighter at lunch then at dinner
Ugh... what a miserable way to spend a couple hours at work! Anyway, no other real weekend plans. Hope you all are enjoying your weekends!
Thursday, July 15, 2010
This week I have been very mindful and have lost all the extra weight I gained in the past few weeks, however, I still need to lose a few more to get to my all time low. I just really want to get to that 80 lb mark. Being that the weekend is soon apon us I always get more worried about eating. I have a really hard time staying on track on the weekends... we eat out a lot more and I am just not on my regular schedule.
I am hoping to go somewhere for some good fish this weekend. I like fish but I do not like it when I or my husband cook it. I am really weird about fish... I grew up in a very rural area and never ate fish from a store... I only ate fish that was fresh caught and I got to be a very picky fish eater. I was too spoiled.
Anyway, I have to work Saturday but am off tomorrow. I think we are going to go mini golfing.. I haven't done that forever!
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
I ate pretty bad on Sunday, but it seems to have all worked itself out as I didn't gain anything. I am still hovering around the same weight. Any restriction I once had was gone. The weird thing about this is the last time I was at this fill level I had okay restriction. On Sunday I ate a hot dog on a bun and a sloppy joe on a bun. No issues... oww... and I was drinking while eating (just call me a model bandster). It kind of freaks me out that I am not feeling anything. I am not sure if the unfill changed things for me and if it will take more fluid to get me to good restriction.
I have a fill on Thursday and I can't wait! I just hope he is willing to give me a good fill. Now I am going to try to catch up on all your blogs! Happy Tuesday.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
Why does this make me so happy?! This is the first sign of restriction I have had in a month. It always takes me a little while to tighten up after a fill (usually about a week). Last night I was eating with no problem... today.. problems. I know I am not at my sweet spot and had already scheduled an appointment for another fill... but man, I am so glad to have some restriction! My next fill is July 8th and I wasn't sure how I would make it that long.
I have really been struggling to lose any weight at all and have pretty much just been maintaining. Hopefully now I can start to see that scale move down down down.
Happy Monday all!
Thursday, June 24, 2010
I was up a few pounds and still hanging around 186, but I am okay with that. I have been back on track for the last week and that is all I need to get that weight back off. The liquids today will also help to jump start things again. I do need to start working out again. The only real exercise I have been doing is walking my dog and that really isn't that impressive. I did order the zumba fitness kit and can't wait to get that. I really don't have a lot of opportunities to take classes because my work schedule is crazy and ever changing.
I have a really fun weekend ahead. Friday we are going to a folk festival with some of our friends and out to dinner. I am sure I will do some drinking and hope not to do too much damage. We are also planning to spend a day at the beach which is my all time favorite thing to do in the summer!
Anyway, only one more day of the week before the weekend! Hope you all are doing well!
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Tomorrow is my fill!! Can't wait! I have dropped some of the weight I gained but still up. My doctor is not going to be impressed! :)
Monday, June 21, 2010
I did talk to my doctor last Friday about my impending gallbladder doom. He said he looked at the ultrasounds and didn't feel like I really needed my gallbladder out right now. He said it certainly has stones but the fact that I haven't had many problems and that the stones have probably been there for a while... he thinks we should just wait. I LOVE this plan. I have had so many surgeries in the last couple years, I just don't feel like recovering again.
My weight is still up but I am working at it. I have an appointment for a fill on Thursday and hopefully this will get me back to my sweet sweet sweet spot. He isn't usually stingy about big fills so I have my fingers crossed.
I have to say... I am also really loving being much thinner this summer. I don't mind wearing warm weather clothes or participating in summer activities.. Wow, I forgot what that felt like.
Lastly, I wanted to say that I am still stopping in and reading everyones blogs... I just haven't been commenting. You are all doing amazing, even those of us who are having some bumps in our roads!
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Happy Sunday all!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
I really wanted 4.5 so he decided to fill me under flouro. At 4 cc's I couldn't even get the barium down! How is this possible?! He said restriction is so strange and sometimes it takes time for the saline to settle in. I ended up with 3 cc's and all seems fine. I had some yogurt and cottage cheese today and didn't have any issues. I am staying full (I had it at about 10 am and am still feeling satisfied). I am sure in a couple weeks I will be begging for another fill. I am just glad everything looked okay and I am willing to go slow if that means the band is safe and sound.
I have my abdominal ultrasound on Thursday to check out the gallbladder. I doubt that is an issue because I haven't had any problems since the unfill. I am however, willing to do anything to make sure I am good to go and can continue to get fills and lose weight.
In other news... a whole lot of nothing. The weather has been really nice here and I have been working in my gardens. I am already harvesting some of my veggies. Yumm-o!
Hope all of your are doing well!
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Of course this week happens to fall on a huge eating holiday. It is funny, before the unfill I had this big plan. I knew I could do with or without restriction. How quickly things change when you start to feel the hunger again. However, I had a salad with boiled egg and chicken for lunch and had no pain. This is the first time in 3 days I have eaten solids and it wasn't painful. I am so happy about that. But man, I could eat as fast as I wanted, and probably as much as I wanted. So far so good... but this is going to be a TOUGH weekend!
Thanks for all the comments and concern, you all are great!
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
He doesn't really know what it is, but he said he will probably do an unfill. I am not sure if we are talking a full unfill or just a partial. I haven't had a fill in about 7 weeks and this is the first issue I have had. I have been feeling progressively tighter over the last few days. I hope it is not something bigger like a slip or something else... however, I am glad I am going in. I don't want to let any problem fester so that it turns into a problem.
I have only been able to comfortably have liquids (no pain) and have had a couple of protein shakes today. The Dr. said to stay away from solids until I see him. I am not devastated or really even freaked out about an unfill... even if it is a full unfill. I am way more freaked out about doing damage if I leave it the way it is.
I am not going to lie though.... I have thought once or twice about a brat on a bun this weekend! :)
I will keep you all posted! Happy middle of the week!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
2009, 259 lbs
2008, 199 lbs
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
We talked about how to handle it and they gave me some good options. The first was a radical mastectomy with an equally radical price tag. He said this surgery should work well for her but that no matter what someday this cancer will kill her. The thing is, we just can't afford this surgery. It is MANY thousands or dollars and it will be a really hard recovery for her.
I was pretty upfront with the vet and told him we can't afford the surgery. He then told me he thought we could have great results with switching to a different chemo. The hope is to push her into remission and give her some good quality of life time. It could be years, it could be months. All that is unknown.
I feel better today knowing we have a plan.
On the food front, I have been really good about staying on track. I bought some of my favorite protein standbys today and feel pretty good. I really really want to get another 6-8 lbs off in the next few weeks. Easier said then done!
Hope you are all well!