Thursday, May 27, 2010


So, I went back to see my doctor this morning and he did indeed do an entire unfill. He was concerned about the pain I was having and is scheduling me for an upper gi and gallbladder ultrasound next week. He gave me a very long talk about how I have come WAY TOO FAR to start back tracking now and that I really need to work that willpower for the rest of the week. He said if everything is fine with my upper gi next week he will fill me right back up on the spot so I really only have to be without restriction for a week.

Of course this week happens to fall on a huge eating holiday. It is funny, before the unfill I had this big plan. I knew I could do with or without restriction. How quickly things change when you start to feel the hunger again. However, I had a salad with boiled egg and chicken for lunch and had no pain. This is the first time in 3 days I have eaten solids and it wasn't painful. I am so happy about that. But man, I could eat as fast as I wanted, and probably as much as I wanted. So far so good... but this is going to be a TOUGH weekend!

Thanks for all the comments and concern, you all are great!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010


So, starting yesterday, whenever I try to eat solids I get a massive sharp pain in my stomach. Not up high around my band but down in my lower stomach. I talked to my doctor today and he asked if I wanted to cocme in and meet him at the hospital. I had to work until five and asked if I could come in tomorrow instead. So, I will see him tomorrow morning at his satalite office.

He doesn't really know what it is, but he said he will probably do an unfill. I am not sure if we are talking a full unfill or just a partial. I haven't had a fill in about 7 weeks and this is the first issue I have had. I have been feeling progressively tighter over the last few days. I hope it is not something bigger like a slip or something else... however, I am glad I am going in. I don't want to let any problem fester so that it turns into a problem.

I have only been able to comfortably have liquids (no pain) and have had a couple of protein shakes today. The Dr. said to stay away from solids until I see him. I am not devastated or really even freaked out about an unfill... even if it is a full unfill. I am way more freaked out about doing damage if I leave it the way it is.

I am not going to lie though.... I have thought once or twice about a brat on a bun this weekend! :)

I will keep you all posted! Happy middle of the week!

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Monthly check in with Dr. Katz

I saw Dr. Katz today and weighed in at 181 lbs (down 78)! It felt great! I was down 12 lbs since I last saw him 5 weeks ago. He was very pleased with my weight loss and told me to keep up the good work. I didn't get a fill as I am still sitting with really good restriction. In fact, ever since I got sick I think I am a little too tight. I can keep down solids but get stuck a lot more. I don't pb a lot but it does happen sometimes. I almost wish I would have gotten a tiny unfill today as I had an extremely hard time eating chili at lunch. If I don't loosen up a bit after a week or two I might have a small unfill.

Though this restriction may sound good... it is very limiting and I am not eating as many healthy foods as I would like. I eat a lot of the same softish safe foods and I don't think that is good nutrition. I just keep thinking that once I am over my sickness entirely I will loosen up a bit.

I can't believe I am so close to 80 lbs down! I am hoping to get there before the end of the week, but I don't know if that will happen. I know with the holiday weekend and LOTS of plans I probably won't stay on my A Game. I am okay with that... but I know I will pay a price for it. But, as we always say... "this isn't a diet... it's a new way of life".

Happy Tuesday!

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Down a little a more this morning....

I was down to 181.8 this morning. So close to being out of the 180's! Here are some new photos of me at my before weight and current weight. Below is today's outfit... I felt really good in it.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Woot Woot!

I am not just down 75 lbs, but 76.2 lbs! I had a great number on the scale this morning!! 182.8 lbs which means I am creeping closer and closer to the 170's! I will post update photos soon!!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Not so sick anymore... finally

2008, 225 lbs
2009, 259 lbs
2008, 199 lbs

2007, 189 lbs

So, I am finally starting to feel better. I slept through the night last night for the first time in nearly a week. I got up this morning and I didn't feel groggy or too ickish. I even took the dog for a nice walk this morning around 8. It was so beautiful here, I just couldn't resist. I hadn't really left the house much for the past 5 days. It felt so nice to have some sun on my skin.

Unfortunately, I had such a sore throat over the past week I ate crappy things (ice cream mostly). It was all about what felt good and not so much about what was good for me. I did wake up this morning with a loss and hope to continue on the losing streak now that I am feeling better. I am only .6 lbs away from 75 lbs down. It is funny, I always wonder when I will feel like a "big time" loser. First I thought 50, then 60, then 70 lbs. I was certain 75 lbs would make me feel like I had accomplished something huge... which I do... but not in the way I expected.

It is strange... because I haven't always been fat... but I have always been trying to lose weight. I had mentioned before that the first time I went on a diet was my freshman year of high school and I was 164 lbs. I wasn't thin by any means, but I wasn't huge either. At the time I felt huge. At my highest weight, before surgery, I was 259 lbs. When I met my husband in 2001 I was 186lbs. I thought I could use to lose some weight then too but I wasn't obsessed... I was in love. When I got married I was 152lbs... I wanted to lose more, but honestly, I felt amazing. Looking back, I also looked really good. By the time we went on our delayed "sort of" honey-moon six months later I was 192 lbs. I was always aware of my weight and I always wanted to lose more. I also always compare where I am now to what was going on the last time I was at that weight... like now... I am about the same weight I was when I met my husband.

I am still waiting for the moment where I look in mirror and can't believe it is me... but I have seen myself at so many sizes, it is never that surprising. I think the most shocking mirror image was when I was 259lbs. I didn't feel like that person and it didn't look like me. I am thrilled with how far I have come. I feel so much better, have more energy, enjoy things more, and don't constantly stress about food. But I don't feel much different from the Annas of the past. I wonder when, or if I will.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

I am SO sick!

I haven't been around because I am suffering from a killer case of influenza. I went to the doctor on Monday and seem to be feeling worse each day. Blech... stay healthy all!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Still holding on...

to that 1lb up. I was back down to 186.8 today... hopefully I can kick off that extra pound plus another before the week is over. I worked out really hard this morning, hopefully I will see it tomorrow!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

The scale said what?!

Up 2lbs! I jumped on the scale this morning to check out my amazing progress... I have been 100% back on track... but I was up 2 lbs! I know it isn't real, but seriously?! O well! Happy Hump Day!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Back on track and kitty chemo

So, we have been taking Sophia (our cancer cat) to a veterinary oncologist (doesn't it even sound expensive) for the past few months. She has been having chemo treatments after she had her original mammary tumor removed. As I said before, she now has a new lump. Today I had to take her back to the oncologist to have them look at it. They did agree that it is a recurrence.

We talked about how to handle it and they gave me some good options. The first was a radical mastectomy with an equally radical price tag. He said this surgery should work well for her but that no matter what someday this cancer will kill her. The thing is, we just can't afford this surgery. It is MANY thousands or dollars and it will be a really hard recovery for her.

I was pretty upfront with the vet and told him we can't afford the surgery. He then told me he thought we could have great results with switching to a different chemo. The hope is to push her into remission and give her some good quality of life time. It could be years, it could be months. All that is unknown.

I feel better today knowing we have a plan.

On the food front, I have been really good about staying on track. I bought some of my favorite protein standbys today and feel pretty good. I really really want to get another 6-8 lbs off in the next few weeks. Easier said then done!

Hope you are all well!

Monday, May 10, 2010

This is very interesting

Here is an article from Psychology Today about Stress Eating... I think it is very interesting!

Sometimes It is just SO hard

To be an adult, to live my life, and be responsible. Lately I have been dealing with some stressful situations. My husband's grandmother is very sick... my husband has no relationship with his mom and it has become his responsibility to make sure all is okay with grandma. I LOVE his grandma, she is 86 and the most amazing person. But the family problems strain the whole situation which is stressful enough to begin with.

Also, one of our cats is very sick. She was diagnosed with mammary cancer in February. We were hopeful that with surgery and chemo we could at least push it into remission for a year or so. Well it is back again in full force. We have spent thousands of dollars (that we probably really don't have to spend) on treatment and are now at a place where we have to decide what to do again. It is inevitable that this cancer will be terminal... we were just buying time. This is so hard for me. We love our pets like children. Some days I just cry about it and others I am able to be rational.

We are always dealing with financial stress, as we have so much debt, mostly from student loans. On a side note, we learned a very important lesson about money. After our cat got sick and it got very expensive, we got pet insurance for our other 4 pets. It is amazing. One of our other cats had to have surgery shortly after we bought the insurance and it was covered in full with a $50 deductible. This surgery was over $600. I can't imagine if we would have had to pay for that on top of the health care for the other cat.

Anyway... all of this stuff is making it really hard for me to concentrate on my weight loss. I enjoy the feeling I get from eating ice cream or cookies. Sometimes I feel like it is the only way to find calm and happiness. Obviously, I am abusing food... obviously, this is not healthy. I know this but I just can't find anything else that makes me feel that good. I do try to get back on track every Monday and try to practice good band habits.. and I do for the most part... but I just keep losing and gaining the same couple pounds. So really... I am just maintaining. But, that is still so much better then gaining.

I really do love my band... and all of you who help me on my journey.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

I have been a bad girl..

I have been eating for the wrong reasons. I have been making bad choices... and worst of all.. I am enjoying it.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

So, the weather is beautiful....

Me as a cockroach last year.

It feels like summer and all I can think about is Halloween. Yeah... Halloween. Halloween is my favorite day of the year. I am not sure if it is because I am a October baby... the 29th to be exact, or the fact that I have always loved costumes. In fact, I have been a "rebellious dresser" my whole life. I still try to push the limits at work and take full advantage of things like "International Talk Like A Pirate Day" which becomes dress like a pirate day for me.

This year I will be able to wear a normal size Halloween costume... not one of the stupid plus size ones. My options are limitless! No more boring witch or wench... no statue of liberty or fairy. Instead this year I can be something exciting. Maybe Bat girl (she was a librarian you know) or Cleopatra... or even Scarlett O'Hara.

I can't wait to not worry about covering up and instead enjoy my costume!

Monday, May 3, 2010

Today I feel:

Stressed= tight. Both lunch and dinner yesterday ended with a pb... and I had to struggle to get some mac n' cheese (slider) down at lunch. Grrr... I hope I at least drop some weight. I want to be 183 (at the most) by a week from tomorrow.

Blech... Happy Monday.