I don't know what is going on...

So my restriction is totally odd. Some days I can eat anything, other days I pb on everything. I know I am not being nearly as careful as I need to be with chewing and taking my time, but I am also annoyed with my fluctuating restrict. I haven't lost anything... and I haven't really tried either. I have a friends wedding coming up in August and I would like to be 150 by then. That is also my new goal (at least for now). That is the number my surgeon said would be good for my frame. It is less than 20 lbs, and I know I can do that. Time to get motivated. Last night I went to the Detroit Red Wings vs Toronto Maple Leafs game. OMG! So much fun and craziness. We had amazing seats 7th row... right on the ice. Detroit won, and much beer was had. I am just having way to much fun lately (hence the stagnant weight loss!).

WAY TOO LOOSE!

I just can't seem to get this fill thing right lately... I have .4 ccs out and can now eat ANYTHING. Well... maybe not quite, but I can eat pizza and bread without really chewing. So here we go again... I need a fill. :)

Unfill.

I had my appointment with my doctor today. I have said it before, and I will say it again, I adore that man. He is so sweet and caring. I told him about my eating issues and explained my tightness. He took out .4 ccs. I haven't really had an opportunity to test it yet, I had soup for lunch and dinner because I had to go straight to work from my appointment (I work noon-9 today). I plan on having some hardy protein for lunch tomorrow and see how that goes.

I hadn't lost much weight since the last time I saw him (1 lb) and I mentioned that I didn't do much good. He said it was still in the right direction. I told him to expect great things from me the next time I see him and he said, "I always expect great things from you." I believe him, he is such a great doctor!

I have no big plans for this weekend but the weather is getting much nicer here. I plan on riding my bike!

Put that piece of heaven in my mouth.

First, since Amy W commented that my last post title sounded like a dirty movie, I decided I would try to make every title an ideal dirty movie title.



Okay, there really wasn't anything adventurous about my Tuesday except for the fact that I tried something new and wonderful. I was at Whole Foods getting some soup for my strictly soup tightness situation and say this Icelandic yogurt called Skyr.is. It is a piece of heaven in your mouth. It is better then Greek Yogurt, but it is also $3 for 6 oz. I will not be making it a habit (of will I?). I did have some trouble getting it down, but it was worth every second of struggle.


p.s. I had strawberry but would love to get my hands on pear!

Edit as requested: 150 cals, 0 fat, 20 carbs, 19 sugar, 16 protein per 6 oz.

Dear God, I am tight.

I am struggling again. I don't know what is going on. Everytime I get sick, it seems it has residual effects on my restriction. I got sick again a couple weeks ago, have finally recovered and pretty much can only eat semi-solids unless I have some wine first. Bad habits can come about pretty fast with this kind of restriction. Since it isn't an emergency, I just scheduled an appointment later in the week (on Thursday) for a small unfill. The same thing happened last time I got sick. I had a 1cc unfill that time (and was perfect until I got sick again) and now need another one. I am tired of not being able to eat good solid protein. I am living off of soup, but that is getting old.

Blech... hope you are all well!

It is true...

I gained 3 lbs. Boo hiss... I have been having WAY too much fun and drinking WAY too much wine (and other adult beverages). Time to get back to serious. I am starting the 17 day diet tomorrow with a friend of mine... it is essentially good lap band eating. I can be stellar for 17 days right?!

It is time to talk.

I lived off of orange juice and ice cream last week. The scale was up. I have been clean for 2 days and it is hard! I still struggle with food choices, though some times it seems so easy. Most of the time I still have to work really hard to make good decisions. My weight problem is primarily a mental problem. At some point in my life I starting thinking of food in a different way. I would fantasize (still do) and dream about it.

I start to think that maybe I don't have these problems anymore... and then wham... something happens and I want to feel good and I think,"Ice cream will make me happy". 7 days later and and a few pounds up I realize food does not make me feel better. I had heartburn and stomach aches...and general shit feeling. Ice cream has become my go to when I want a fix. It tastes really fantastic and it doesn't stick.. I don't have to chew it.. and I can eat it as fast as I want. Something about all those things makes it my dream food.

I am in therapy, and I am learning strategies, but I will always struggle with food. I wish I could say Lapband "fixed" my problems, but it didn't. It has only helped me manage. Here is to two days ice cream free! Happy Tuesday!