Monday, August 6, 2012

I feel fat.

So... to qualify for my sleeve I have to go through the same insurance requirements I did with my original Lap Band surgery.  I am not even going to get started on my rant of how ridiculous this is and how I am required to gain oww... 30 lbs so that I can revise because me band FAILED.  Anyway... I have gained about 15 lbs.  I feel fat and am starting to hate living in my body again.  I keep telling myself it is short term and will lead to long term success.  I do not plan on actually gaining anymore weight but instead wearing really heavy clothes and such when I weigh in.  I am pissed about the whole thing and everyone at my surgeons office agrees that this is complete bull, but again... the whole insurance system is a cluster...  Also, at five weeks out it has been only too easy to average a 3 lbs a week gain.  Mind you I have used very little good choice making because I know I have to gain weight and I figured I might as well enjoy it.  But.. it makes me sad too. 

At one point with my band I was 6 lbs shy of 100 lbs down.  Now that didn't last long and I gained a good 15 back and lived at that weight for a while until I started having slip trouble which led to many complete unfils and weight gain.  But through it all, I kept a good 65 lbs off.  Until now...now I am at the 50 lbs down mark and I don't want to slide any farther back.  Without my band I feel like I am back to pre-band life.  I am hungry a lot.  I also feel slightly angry and eat out of anger.  Thank God I will be able to get the sleeve, even after all this bullshit.  I can't imagine living life like this long term.  I am so sorry to those who have gone through this and have no option to revise.  I am jealous of those who have been able to convert right from the band removal.  None-the-less, I do believe I will have success again.

6 comments:

Sarah G said...

Having to re-gain is really stupid! Keep faith that with the revision you will lose it again and then some. Hang in there!

Theresa aka Tessie Rose said...

That sucks! Put some fishing weights in your pockets!!!

Lap Band Gal said...

Yes, you WILL see success again :) I know you will. Onwards my friend.

adorkbl said...

I would not want to gain anything just to re-qualify. That is nuts. Hang in there.

jennifer said...

Ugh! That seems silly even for an insurance company. Maybe wear some big jewelry?

lori said...

i know people who have put rolls of quarters in their pockets and weights on their ankles. having to gain weight on purpose is just not good for you physically or mentally.