Updated my ticker... blah!

So, I finally sucked it up and updated my ticker. I am up 2.something lbs. Honestly, I am really happy that is all I gained. If I can keep it at that until I get my fill I am good. I have been trying to be very careful about the choices I make but it hasn't been easy.

My husband is a teacher and we have been going to tons of graduation parties.. in fact we have another tonight. I am working both today and tomorrow so that should keep my eating reasonably under control because I am so busy. Only 3 more days until my upper GI. I have been feeling fine so I am guessing I am going to be good to go on the fill. At least I am praying I am good to go!

No real other updates to post. Hope you all are having a fantastic weekend!

June 8th?!

Okay, so the doctor's office called me back today to let me know that my appointment for my upper GI will be at 8 am on June 8th! June 8th!!! That is a week away. I know really... a week isn't THAT long to wait. But it so is... I am struggling here. I had hoped I could get in before the end of the week.. but of course.. no go.

I am hungry all the time. It isn't head hunger... it isn't emotional eating. I am hungry. I know I am eating things I wasn't eating before.... because I can. I have had lots of bread and know I need to cut back on that again. I am so scared I am going to get off track and will have to do all this backpedaling once I have restriction again.

When I was going through the first 6 months of bandster hell I had lots of motivation and that helped to keep me on track. Now that I am almost 9 months into my weight loss, it is so much harder to find motivation inside myself.

I know all I need to do is go back to the "band rules" and in theory I should be good to go. But I feel so out of control. It is amazing to me that after all the weight loss, after being so happy about the progress I have made, that I can still let food have such a hold on me.

I have a plan.. but now I need to follow it. Seven days... I can do anything for seven days right?!

OMG...

Life is really hard with a full unfill! I don't remember how I did it before... ugh! I am hungry!

Update....

So, I went back to see my doctor this morning and he did indeed do an entire unfill. He was concerned about the pain I was having and is scheduling me for an upper gi and gallbladder ultrasound next week. He gave me a very long talk about how I have come WAY TOO FAR to start back tracking now and that I really need to work that willpower for the rest of the week. He said if everything is fine with my upper gi next week he will fill me right back up on the spot so I really only have to be without restriction for a week.

Of course this week happens to fall on a huge eating holiday. It is funny, before the unfill I had this big plan. I knew I could do with or without restriction. How quickly things change when you start to feel the hunger again. However, I had a salad with boiled egg and chicken for lunch and had no pain. This is the first time in 3 days I have eaten solids and it wasn't painful. I am so happy about that. But man, I could eat as fast as I wanted, and probably as much as I wanted. So far so good... but this is going to be a TOUGH weekend!

Thanks for all the comments and concern, you all are great!

WTH?!

So, starting yesterday, whenever I try to eat solids I get a massive sharp pain in my stomach. Not up high around my band but down in my lower stomach. I talked to my doctor today and he asked if I wanted to cocme in and meet him at the hospital. I had to work until five and asked if I could come in tomorrow instead. So, I will see him tomorrow morning at his satalite office.

He doesn't really know what it is, but he said he will probably do an unfill. I am not sure if we are talking a full unfill or just a partial. I haven't had a fill in about 7 weeks and this is the first issue I have had. I have been feeling progressively tighter over the last few days. I hope it is not something bigger like a slip or something else... however, I am glad I am going in. I don't want to let any problem fester so that it turns into a problem.

I have only been able to comfortably have liquids (no pain) and have had a couple of protein shakes today. The Dr. said to stay away from solids until I see him. I am not devastated or really even freaked out about an unfill... even if it is a full unfill. I am way more freaked out about doing damage if I leave it the way it is.

I am not going to lie though.... I have thought once or twice about a brat on a bun this weekend! :)

I will keep you all posted! Happy middle of the week!

Monthly check in with Dr. Katz

I saw Dr. Katz today and weighed in at 181 lbs (down 78)! It felt great! I was down 12 lbs since I last saw him 5 weeks ago. He was very pleased with my weight loss and told me to keep up the good work. I didn't get a fill as I am still sitting with really good restriction. In fact, ever since I got sick I think I am a little too tight. I can keep down solids but get stuck a lot more. I don't pb a lot but it does happen sometimes. I almost wish I would have gotten a tiny unfill today as I had an extremely hard time eating chili at lunch. If I don't loosen up a bit after a week or two I might have a small unfill.

Though this restriction may sound good... it is very limiting and I am not eating as many healthy foods as I would like. I eat a lot of the same softish safe foods and I don't think that is good nutrition. I just keep thinking that once I am over my sickness entirely I will loosen up a bit.

I can't believe I am so close to 80 lbs down! I am hoping to get there before the end of the week, but I don't know if that will happen. I know with the holiday weekend and LOTS of plans I probably won't stay on my A Game. I am okay with that... but I know I will pay a price for it. But, as we always say... "this isn't a diet... it's a new way of life".

Happy Tuesday!

Down a little a more this morning....

I was down to 181.8 this morning. So close to being out of the 180's! Here are some new photos of me at my before weight and current weight. Below is today's outfit... I felt really good in it.