My clothes are really fitting differently these days and I have moved down a size in pants. I fit very comfortably in a 14 and will soon be in 12. It always takes me much longer to change sizes. I feel good and strong and healthy. I am proud of how far I have come.
My sister posted a link from a blog yesterday. I am going to copy and paste it here. I think this is really excellent advice. I truly think my weight became a problem the first time I became aware of my body in a negative light. My mom was often on a diet, talked about losing weight, and disliked her body. She never talked about my body or gave me any fat shaming. She was a great mother, but I joined weight watchers when I was a freshman in high school because I wanted to. I wish she would have told me no. I was 164 lbs. At 5'4" I was over weight... but I looked healthy, was active and had a pretty normal relationship with food.... until I dieted. Every diet I went on from that point on I would lose weight and then gain it all back plus more. It became very dysfunctional and I began having a twisted relationship with food. I am sure most of you can relate. Anyway, I found this blog post really inspiring. Though I don't have any kids of my own (and don't want any), I will be more aware when I am around other. Grown women as well as girls.
How to talk to your daughter about her body
Don’t say anything if she’s lost weight. Don’t say anything if she’s gained
weight.
If you think your daughter’s body looks amazing, don’t say that. Here are some things you can say instead:
“You look so healthy!” is a great one.
Or how about, “you’re looking so strong.”
“I can see how happy you are – you’re glowing.”
Better yet, compliment her on something that has nothing to do with her body.
Don’t comment on other women’s bodies either. Nope. Not a single comment, not a nice one or a mean one.
Teach her about kindness towards others, but also kindness towards yourself.
Don’t you dare talk about how much you hate your body in front of your daughter, or talk about your new diet. In fact, don’t go on a diet in front of your daughter. Buy healthy food. Cook healthy meals. But don’t say “I’m not eating carbs right now.” Your daughter should never think that carbs are evil, because shame over what you eat only leads to shame about yourself.
Encourage your daughter to run because it makes her feel less stressed. Encourage your daughter to climb mountains because there is nowhere better to explore your spirituality than the peak of the universe. Encourage your daughter to surf, or rock climb, or mountain bike because it scares her and that’s a good thing sometimes.
Help your daughter love soccer or rowing or hockey because sports make her a better leader and a more confident woman. Explain that no matter how old you get, you’ll never stop needing good teamwork. Never make her play a sport she isn’t absolutely in love with.
Prove to your daughter that women don’t need men to move their furniture.
Teach your daughter how to cook kale.
Teach your daughter how to bake chocolate cake made with six sticks of butter.
Pass on your own mom’s recipe for Christmas morning coffee cake. Pass on your love of being outside.
Maybe you and your daughter both have thick thighs or wide ribcages. It’s easy to hate these non-size zero body parts. Don’t. Tell your daughter that with her legs she can run a marathon if she wants to, and her ribcage is nothing but a carrying case for strong lungs. She can scream and she can sing and she can lift up the world, if she wants.
Remind your daughter that the best thing she can do with her body is to use it to mobilize her beautiful soul.
If you think your daughter’s body looks amazing, don’t say that. Here are some things you can say instead:
“You look so healthy!” is a great one.
Or how about, “you’re looking so strong.”
“I can see how happy you are – you’re glowing.”
Better yet, compliment her on something that has nothing to do with her body.
Don’t comment on other women’s bodies either. Nope. Not a single comment, not a nice one or a mean one.
Teach her about kindness towards others, but also kindness towards yourself.
Don’t you dare talk about how much you hate your body in front of your daughter, or talk about your new diet. In fact, don’t go on a diet in front of your daughter. Buy healthy food. Cook healthy meals. But don’t say “I’m not eating carbs right now.” Your daughter should never think that carbs are evil, because shame over what you eat only leads to shame about yourself.
Encourage your daughter to run because it makes her feel less stressed. Encourage your daughter to climb mountains because there is nowhere better to explore your spirituality than the peak of the universe. Encourage your daughter to surf, or rock climb, or mountain bike because it scares her and that’s a good thing sometimes.
Help your daughter love soccer or rowing or hockey because sports make her a better leader and a more confident woman. Explain that no matter how old you get, you’ll never stop needing good teamwork. Never make her play a sport she isn’t absolutely in love with.
Prove to your daughter that women don’t need men to move their furniture.
Teach your daughter how to cook kale.
Teach your daughter how to bake chocolate cake made with six sticks of butter.
Pass on your own mom’s recipe for Christmas morning coffee cake. Pass on your love of being outside.
Maybe you and your daughter both have thick thighs or wide ribcages. It’s easy to hate these non-size zero body parts. Don’t. Tell your daughter that with her legs she can run a marathon if she wants to, and her ribcage is nothing but a carrying case for strong lungs. She can scream and she can sing and she can lift up the world, if she wants.
Remind your daughter that the best thing she can do with her body is to use it to mobilize her beautiful soul.
2 comments:
Congrats on doing so well with your sleeve!
And THANK YOU for reposting this. I have 2 daughters (11 and 12 years old) and I have really worked at NOT giving them body issues, or food issues based on what I have had to endure. They are both pretty healthy and strong (and play sports) but it's surprising to me how many negative body images they receive OUTSIDE of the home. Startling and sad. I always say a little prayer that they will escape girlhood without a host of issues related to being a woman in this society.
My first WW meeting was in 4th grade. My mom took me. She was trying to help me, but looking back, it was all kinds of messed up.
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