Restriction, how I love thee.

First of all, I stumbled apon the picture which may have been my "last straw". I remember when I saw this picture of myself... I was wearing a sweater I thought was slimming (I guess cause it was black).. not so much. The picture next to it is my last update photo at 189. I am not weighing a few pounds less but nothing significant.

On to other news, I have actually been able to manage with much smaller portions for the past couple days. It feels incredible. The scale is back on its way down... only a half a pound or so... but hey those add up. I felt so good about my eating I started working out again today... did a good hour of step aerobics and felt amazing.

Unfortunately my husband's step-grandfather died today. It has been expected for some time now, he has been very ill for many years. We will be at the viewing on Thursday and the funeral on Friday. We aren't really that close to that side of the family, but I am sure it will still be stressful and emotional.

I am now counting down the days until my next fill... 9 as of today. I think (if my doctor is willing) I can get back to my sweet spot this fill. I was only there for about a month before I had my complete unfill. I barely got to enjoy it. I just want to get it back.

Take care all!

PB made my day!

I have NEVER been so happy to pb in my life. I was eating my salad today at lunch and noticed it was going down a little "rougher" than usual. So I slowed down but continued eating. All the sudden I took a bite and knew I was in trouble. I barely made it to the bathroom in time... the slime was so bad and then up it came.

Why does this make me so happy?! This is the first sign of restriction I have had in a month. It always takes me a little while to tighten up after a fill (usually about a week). Last night I was eating with no problem... today.. problems. I know I am not at my sweet spot and had already scheduled an appointment for another fill... but man, I am so glad to have some restriction! My next fill is July 8th and I wasn't sure how I would make it that long.

I have really been struggling to lose any weight at all and have pretty much just been maintaining. Hopefully now I can start to see that scale move down down down.

Happy Monday all!

Finally... a fill, restriction however.. I am not sure.

So today I saw my doctor for another fill. He gave me 1.5 ccs. That puts me at 4.5 ccs. When I was having trouble with my stomach a few weeks ago and he completely unfilled me I was at 5.25 ccs. I felt like I was sitting pretty in the green zone, minus those horrid stomach pains. I really wanted 2 ccs today but the doctor was afraid to fill me too quickly so I had to deal with 1.5. I am sure I will see a difference with this fill, however so far nothing to report. I am on liquids though and unless I am at my sweet spot I really can't tell with liquid. My fills also take about a week to kick in normally so I may not be able to tell until late next week.

I was up a few pounds and still hanging around 186, but I am okay with that. I have been back on track for the last week and that is all I need to get that weight back off. The liquids today will also help to jump start things again. I do need to start working out again. The only real exercise I have been doing is walking my dog and that really isn't that impressive. I did order the zumba fitness kit and can't wait to get that. I really don't have a lot of opportunities to take classes because my work schedule is crazy and ever changing.

I have a really fun weekend ahead. Friday we are going to a folk festival with some of our friends and out to dinner. I am sure I will do some drinking and hope not to do too much damage. We are also planning to spend a day at the beach which is my all time favorite thing to do in the summer!

Anyway, only one more day of the week before the weekend! Hope you all are doing well!

Summer Reading Sign Up

Monday was the first day of summer reading here at the library. Here is a picture from this year (on the left) and one from last year +75 lbs (on the right).

Tomorrow is my fill!! Can't wait! I have dropped some of the weight I gained but still up. My doctor is not going to be impressed! :)

Happy Wednesday!

First day of summer...

and I am really enjoying the summer weather, gardening, and hopefully beach soon. We have been having some really beautiful Michigan weather! Lots of sun and warm temps.. I am truly enjoying it. Actually, I just haven't had the time to blog because I have been out living my fabulous life.

I did talk to my doctor last Friday about my impending gallbladder doom. He said he looked at the ultrasounds and didn't feel like I really needed my gallbladder out right now. He said it certainly has stones but the fact that I haven't had many problems and that the stones have probably been there for a while... he thinks we should just wait. I LOVE this plan. I have had so many surgeries in the last couple years, I just don't feel like recovering again.

My weight is still up but I am working at it. I have an appointment for a fill on Thursday and hopefully this will get me back to my sweet sweet sweet spot. He isn't usually stingy about big fills so I have my fingers crossed.

I have to say... I am also really loving being much thinner this summer. I don't mind wearing warm weather clothes or participating in summer activities.. Wow, I forgot what that felt like.

Lastly, I wanted to say that I am still stopping in and reading everyones blogs... I just haven't been commenting. You are all doing amazing, even those of us who are having some bumps in our roads!

Up, Up, Up, and Hopefully Soon Away

I noticed a gaining trend in blogland lately. I am not sure if it is just because we have all been so busy... are tired of working at it and took a break... or like me have no restriction and have been eating things I shouldn't. I am up about 5 lbs in 3 weeks. I updated my ticker today because I needed to face the music.

I have been eating really good all day at work but then seem to blow it when I get home. I am just so hungry and haven't dealt with hunger like this in some time. My motivation is so far gone and I am tired of dieting (why I got the band). I will see my doctor a week from tomorrow (And hopefully get a big fat fill) and I am going to work really hard to get these 5 lbs back off in the next week.

We are dealing with some big family drama... my husband's grandmother is very ill and we have been driving to her house everyday (about an hour drive). We don't get home until late and often pick up something on the way home. Obviously I am not making the best choices. And, you know what, I am tired. When I am tired I don't want to have to think about making good choices. I just want to eat and go to bed.

And all of this sounds like a bunch of excuses. Time to face the music and get my crap back in line.

Just surviving!!

I am having such a hard time with the lack of restriction. I have lost all of it... not even drop of it left. I am hungry and eating tons. Blah... can't wait to get a fill again. I am waiting for my doctor to call me about my gallbladder.. as I said before.. I am hoping to wait a few months before having surgery. I want to get my restriction back and have a great summer while I am preparing for surgery.. again.

Happy Sunday all!

Abdominal Ultrasound

Had my abdominal ultrasound today and.... my gallbladder is full of stones. Not good... I am hoping to hold off on surgery until September but I am pretty sure that isn't going to happen. I have an appointment with my doctor next week to talk about it. So it seems like so many banders have had gallbladder problems... add me to the ranks!

Boo... o well... that thing has to weigh at least a few ounces right?

It is possible I may eat my arm...

because I am starving!! This fill is certainly not doing it for me! I need WAY more restriction! I have been working really hard to count my calories and stay on track during this time of limited restriction. It is working for me... sort of. I am debating if I should call and make an appointment with my doctor for next week or if I should wait a couple weeks. I know he wanted me to be patient.. but he didn't give me any time line and I am hungry!

I am thinking I am going to call and see what I can get in to the office... it will probably be a couple weeks before I can get an appointment anyway. I am feeling good otherwise, and am not having any problems with eating. Tomorrow morning is my ultrasound... I can hardly wait.

In other news, my sister and her mass of children (3) are coming to visit this weekend. I am going to be so tired by Sunday evening! But... we do have a good time and I enjoy seeing her family.

I desperately need a vacation!

Upper GI, Dr. Katz, and Tuesday Tuesday

So I had an upper GI this morning at 8 am. My doctor is about an hour away and with morning work traffic I had to get up EARLY. I was so tired by the time I got there. Dr. Katz checked everything out and said my band looked just right. He decided he would give me 4 cc's, I had 5.5 cc's when I had great restriction.

I really wanted 4.5 so he decided to fill me under flouro. At 4 cc's I couldn't even get the barium down! How is this possible?! He said restriction is so strange and sometimes it takes time for the saline to settle in. I ended up with 3 cc's and all seems fine. I had some yogurt and cottage cheese today and didn't have any issues. I am staying full (I had it at about 10 am and am still feeling satisfied). I am sure in a couple weeks I will be begging for another fill. I am just glad everything looked okay and I am willing to go slow if that means the band is safe and sound.

I have my abdominal ultrasound on Thursday to check out the gallbladder. I doubt that is an issue because I haven't had any problems since the unfill. I am however, willing to do anything to make sure I am good to go and can continue to get fills and lose weight.

In other news... a whole lot of nothing. The weather has been really nice here and I have been working in my gardens. I am already harvesting some of my veggies. Yumm-o!

Hope all of your are doing well!

Updated my ticker... blah!

So, I finally sucked it up and updated my ticker. I am up 2.something lbs. Honestly, I am really happy that is all I gained. If I can keep it at that until I get my fill I am good. I have been trying to be very careful about the choices I make but it hasn't been easy.

My husband is a teacher and we have been going to tons of graduation parties.. in fact we have another tonight. I am working both today and tomorrow so that should keep my eating reasonably under control because I am so busy. Only 3 more days until my upper GI. I have been feeling fine so I am guessing I am going to be good to go on the fill. At least I am praying I am good to go!

No real other updates to post. Hope you all are having a fantastic weekend!

June 8th?!

Okay, so the doctor's office called me back today to let me know that my appointment for my upper GI will be at 8 am on June 8th! June 8th!!! That is a week away. I know really... a week isn't THAT long to wait. But it so is... I am struggling here. I had hoped I could get in before the end of the week.. but of course.. no go.

I am hungry all the time. It isn't head hunger... it isn't emotional eating. I am hungry. I know I am eating things I wasn't eating before.... because I can. I have had lots of bread and know I need to cut back on that again. I am so scared I am going to get off track and will have to do all this backpedaling once I have restriction again.

When I was going through the first 6 months of bandster hell I had lots of motivation and that helped to keep me on track. Now that I am almost 9 months into my weight loss, it is so much harder to find motivation inside myself.

I know all I need to do is go back to the "band rules" and in theory I should be good to go. But I feel so out of control. It is amazing to me that after all the weight loss, after being so happy about the progress I have made, that I can still let food have such a hold on me.

I have a plan.. but now I need to follow it. Seven days... I can do anything for seven days right?!

OMG...

Life is really hard with a full unfill! I don't remember how I did it before... ugh! I am hungry!