My birthday is tomorrow

and I am trying to wrap my mind about a new way of thinking. I haven't been blogging much, or even reading blogs because I am really trying to focus on myself. I am confused about my feelings about this whole weight loss experience. I love my band... love that I have lost nearly 90 lbs, and feel amazing. However, I just don't know if this was what I thought it would be. As I had said in a previous post I am seeing a therapist again. I really like here and feel like I had a major "ahah" moment this week.

I think I am going to take a break from the numbers, take a break from the scale and just live my life. I spend so much time counting calories, obsessing about what I am going to eat, and just not trusting myself. It is time for me to learn how to trust myself, rely on myself. So my goal is to try not to weigh myself for two weeks. I am going to just do what feels right and see how that works. I am going to just be me.

I hope you are all doing well! Have a great end of the week.

Friday Weigh In

Down 1.2 lbs. I had a less than banner eating week so I am happy. Now to get below 170 by next week... I can lose 1.8 lbs in a week right?! I think so!

Happy Friday!

Protein

I read a post about Protein on *I think* Dreams of Skinny High Heels blog. She was talking about how she got 100+ grams of protein a day. I also try to get about 100 or grams a day. I feel like I lose much better when I am getting more protein. So, I thought I would tell you all about my favorite little protein supplement. Protidiet, it is a drink mix with 70 calories and 15 grams of protein. It is sort of like a gel you mix into water and it tastes pretty good. I have tried most of the flavors but my favorite is orange. I usually drink 1 or 2 of these a day (I am actually drinking a mango peach one as I type) to get me to where I need to be with my protein. Now that I have good restriction I really can't eat before noon. This is the way I get my morning meal in and it sort of tastes like crystal light. I buy mine from mydietshopz.com.

Why?

Why do I always take one bite too many?! For the love of God... I need to learn to stop when I am ahead. Now I have that horrid upper back pain again. Grr...

If you don't have anything good to say...

I really haven't been a banner blogger lately. I am not sure why. I think mostly because I just don't feel like I have anything great or exciting to say. I have been par for the course with my band lately. Though I did some not so awesome eating over the weekend, I am pretty much on track.

I did see my therapist today and really feel like I could make some great progress with her. She is in my face just enough to push my limits (which is just what I need). I am scared to go back because I think she is going to push my limits and there are lots of feelings I have been avoiding.

In other news, my birthday is just a little over a week. The last year of my 20's!

Weigh In

And I have a loss of 2 lbs to report. I am creeping up on the 160s! I am so pumped!

Back to therapy...

I am a therapy hopper. I never stay, but I always go back... to someone new. This time I am seeing a therapist who deals only with eating disorders and eating related issues. (ME) I decided to go back because the longer I am on this weight loss journey, the more challenging I am finding things. Not just the weight loss part... but the "who am I?" part. I am not having relationship issues, or having problems accepting the change... I just don't know what I want.

I don't see myself at my current weight... I see myself as fat. I don't know what I want to weigh because I think I will always want to lose more. Don't get me wrong, I feel so much better.... but I still don't know who this new body is.

I also have some other issues.... I still can't figure out what to do with that hole that eating has left. I still want to turn to eating for comfort... but I really can't anymore.. it just isn't possible. I have a lot of questions for myself that I just don't know how to ask... so I turn to the therapist. Here we go again!

Happy Tuesday!

Just a quick note..

To say that I finally got below that 176 mark. I am now at 174.8! I finally met another goal and feel great about it! I am hoping to be 173 by next Friday... should be doable but I seem to be losing very slow these days. All my clothes are way too big lately. I had to buy a couple pairs of pants to get me by for work. I think I am going to have my mom take in a couple of sheath dresses the next time my parents visit.

Tonight I am going to a big birthday party for a friend. I am looking forward to relaxing and having a good time. I really feel like I can so much better of a time now at my weight. It isn't something I am constantly thinking about and I feel confident (most of the time).

Anyway, I have been so busy, I haven't been a very good blog buddy. I hope you all are doing great!

Freak'n A!

Okay, I am back from my conference/speaking engagement/mini vacation. I had a good time, enjoyed my long weekend and so on. I came home, stepped on the scale... 177. WTH?! I have really good restriction, have been making good choices and can not get away from the freaking 177-179. It is really pissing me off. I want to see 175 or lower by Friday... is that really so much to ask?! I guess it is.

Grr...