Friday, May 10, 2013

Week 16 Weigh In

It is week 16 and I had a big whopping loss of 1 lb this week.  That brings me to a grand total of 52 lbs.  I have been thinking a lot about my weight loss lately.  First off, I am still 30 lbs heavier than my lowest Lap Band low.  I am also 50% less motivated this time around.  I was religious about exercise and much more cautious about my eating.  I just don't have the desire or energy to be that anal this time.  I feel like I am living my life and losing the weight on the side.  Before I was losing the weight and living my life when it fit in.  Don't get me wrong, I am still very active in my weight loss and have to work at it to keep it going.  However, I don't make every decision based on the impact on my weight loss. 

Last night I worked until 9 pm.  My husband called me and told me he was meeting some friends for drinks at 8:30 and asked if I could meet them after I got off work.  I had eaten perfectly that day, had 900 calories, got all my protein...and for one second I thought about how I didn't want to "screw up" my perfect day.  But then I thought about how much I wanted to enjoy the company of these people and have a drink.  So I did... I had a drink ate a few fries and "messed up" my perfect day.  I am not really sure how many extra calories I had, and frankly I didn't care.  I had a good time.  This is why I will probably never be skinny.  I may never make my ultimate goal of 145 lbs, or at least take years to get there.  But I think I would rather live my life have some fun and eat "perfectly" 80% of the time instead.  If I really strapped down I could probably lose 3 lbs every single week.  I could be at my goal in 16 weeks.  But I know that isn't going to happen.  I know I enjoy food, enjoy social drinking, and I don't want to lose that.  That is the struggle.

This struggle is also why I love my sleeve.  I can't eat too much in one sitting, I can't get too out of control.  I am forced to check myself.  I am hoping for a bigger loss this coming week but thankful that the number continues to move down.

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