It is week 16 and I had a big whopping loss of 1 lb this week. That brings me to a grand total of 52 lbs. I have been thinking a lot about my weight loss lately. First off, I am still 30 lbs heavier than my lowest Lap Band low. I am also 50% less motivated this time around. I was religious about exercise and much more cautious about my eating. I just don't have the desire or energy to be that anal this time. I feel like I am living my life and losing the weight on the side. Before I was losing the weight and living my life when it fit in. Don't get me wrong, I am still very active in my weight loss and have to work at it to keep it going. However, I don't make every decision based on the impact on my weight loss.
Last night I worked until 9 pm. My husband called me and told me he was meeting some friends for drinks at 8:30 and asked if I could meet them after I got off work. I had eaten perfectly that day, had 900 calories, got all my protein...and for one second I thought about how I didn't want to "screw up" my perfect day. But then I thought about how much I wanted to enjoy the company of these people and have a drink. So I did... I had a drink ate a few fries and "messed up" my perfect day. I am not really sure how many extra calories I had, and frankly I didn't care. I had a good time. This is why I will probably never be skinny. I may never make my ultimate goal of 145 lbs, or at least take years to get there. But I think I would rather live my life have some fun and eat "perfectly" 80% of the time instead. If I really strapped down I could probably lose 3 lbs every single week. I could be at my goal in 16 weeks. But I know that isn't going to happen. I know I enjoy food, enjoy social drinking, and I don't want to lose that. That is the struggle.
This struggle is also why I love my sleeve. I can't eat too much in one sitting, I can't get too out of control. I am forced to check myself. I am hoping for a bigger loss this coming week but thankful that the number continues to move down.