Everyone is MIA including myself

I haven't posted in such a long time.  Maybe it is because I am busy.  Maybe it is because I haven't lost a drop of weight and have only maintained.  Or maybe, it is just because I haven't had much to say. 

I had a nice Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas is quickly approaching.  I started exercising hardcore for a couple weeks and then got really sick.  I have been fighting off the sickness for the past 2.5 weeks.  I have not be exercising at all.  My eating hasn't been the greatest, but good enough not to gain.  My plan is just to make it through the rest of the month without gaining and get back to losing in January.  I have 4 holiday parties next week along.  Despite not losing, I am happy with my current weight situation.  The fact that I haven't gained while going to parties, eating cookies, and social drinking is a small miracle.

The best part about this "winter" though it isn't actually winter yet, is my new tall boots.  They are not wide calf, they look amazing, and they even have some room to spare.  I love it.

Happy Holiday season all!

Coming to Terms with Exercise

I hate exercise.  Maybe I just haven't found the right one, but I am pretty sure I hate it all.  I am now realizing the farther down the road I get from my revision date the more I want to eat.  This is normal, I am told.  However, that means additional calories.  I used to be able to get by on 1000 calories pretty easily.  Now I am lucky to get by on 1200.  On the weekends it is probably more like 1400.  This means, to continue to lose weight I need to make up the difference. 

My doctor has always told me that fitness is a vital part of success post op.  He said that it is especially important the further out your are.  He said he has never seen someone be successful long term without being active regularly.  I hear this, and I ignore it.

I know I need to start moving.  I have committed to working out 4 days a week every week.  I have done it 2 days this week.  I hate it.  I want to cry.  I want to punch people.  It is not fun.  This is my starting point and I committing. 

When I was in my really successful losing faze with my Lap Band I was exercising almost everyday.  I did it for months.  I never skipped.  I hated it then but it was just part of my life.  I guess I need to get to that point again.

Missing: My Motivation

Let me start by saying I have gained a couple pounds.  My birthday was the end of October and I haven't been back on track since.  I just can't find my motivation.

 It is so much easier to have a social life when you can just pick up and go out to eat and not worry about only eating what you planned for lunch.  Having a glass or two of wine each night is so relaxing.  And... I have so enjoyed not obsessing about food.

However, it is time to get back to work.  I need to shed the pounds I put back on and try to get a few more off.  Part of my problem is that I have gotten to a weight where I sort of like my body and like the way my clothes fit.  I think I look pretty good.  Sure, I would love to lose another 35 lbs... even 10 or 20.  But that means I really have to work for it.  I remember this feeling when I had my band.  I got to roughly this same weight and thought, "I could just work at staying right here".  Of course, I still have days where I think I am disgusting and fat and hate myself and then I just feel bad for ever being okay with my current weight. 

Ugh, this whole weight loss this is such a head game. 

Normal

We had a staff training on Monday and there were lots of pictures taken.  I was looking through them today and all the pictures of me were okay.  I looked normal.  I didn't look fat or uncomfortable.  I wasn't avoiding the camera, and I wasn't stressed about seeing the pictures.. but I was still pleasantly surprised when I saw myself.  I look normal.

Nearing Month 9

I am coming up on my 9 month sleeve post-op-aversary.  I had another good loss this week.  I am down another 2 lbs.  I am down 72 lbs in nine months, and 85 from my highest pre-band weight.  That is an average of 8 lbs per month.  This last month I have lost 6 lbs and I am thrilled with that!  I also hit another exciting milestone today.  My BMI is officially under 30 and I am no longer obese and am just plain old overweight.  In the next 3 months I would love to lose another 10 lbs.  That should be doable, and would bring me 5 lbs from my goal.

I am so happy with my sleeve and the freedom it allows me.  I am so pleased with the life I am leading.  I still have days where I get so frustrated and realize how hard weight loss really is, but I think I am understanding how my body works (for now).

Happy weekend!

Weigh in/ fat bitch

First of all, I had an amazing week for weight loss.  I weighed in this morning at 176.  That is a 3 lb loss!!  I am not sure what I did to make this magic happen, but I am thrilled!  I am only a couple pounds away from a BMI under 30... which will mean overweight and not obese.  That is extremely exciting.  I am also creeping closer to my goal.  I thought it was time to add a photo, so I took one this morning.  My face looks a little odd but it is hard to concentrate on taking a photo and smiling at the same time.  This isn't the most flattering dress in the world but I really like it.

On to the fat bitch portion of this post.  Last night at work a teenage boy called me a fucking fat bitch.  It was a strange experience because it made me feel, just for a moment, the way I felt in middle school and high school.  I wasn't even very fat... I was 164 lbs in high school.  Now a little over 10 lbs heavier, it was kind of terrible... for a minute.  And then I realized that I am pretty okay with my body, and he was a stupid teenage boy looking to hit me where it hurt.  The part that bothered me the most is that he said this in front of a teenage girl who was with him.  I hate that this is the go to for hurtful comments.  I hate that she heard that and probably starting thinking negatively about her body.  Anyway, I am going to clarify.  I am not a fat bitch.  I am a bitch who has lost over 80 lbs and is strong and healthy.

Update/Weigh-In

Wohoo!  Sitting at 179 lbs!!  Down 1 lb this week!  Out of the 180's and a solid 80 lbs down from my highest.  Now just to keep the losses coming.  I would like to be at the 100 lb down mark by my 1 year.  That means 20 lbs in just a little less than 4 months.  That should be doable... but there are A LOT of holidays between now and then!

Happy weekend.