There, I said it. I am struggling! I am, hands down, having the hardest week since being banded. I have never gone a week without a loss since my surgery. I know I am lucky and that is not the norm. But this week I am certain I will gain. I hate that idea. I have been avoiding my blog because I just don't want to be faced with the truth.
I saw my therapist this morning ( I see him once a week) and we talked about my current state. I can't help but feel like a failure. I am having a horrible time saying no to all the temptations and am eating junk at all these parties. I know rationally that I will not gain my 53 lbs back in a week or even two or even a month. But it scares me. I feel a little out of control. For the first time having no restriction is really challenging to me.
My therapist pointed out that this is not a failure but a struggle. He explained that it is like being in a storm and that I am trying to find my way. Yes, exactly. I want two things. I want to stay on track, continue to lose weight, be healthy, but I also want to be like everyone else and indulge. I was to feel "normal" at holiday get togethers. However, I am missing the restriction to remind me not to over do it.
I wish I could just let go, enjoy this time and not worry about the number on the scale. I know I will get back at it whole hog, I have no question that I will come through this. I am just worried about the damage I will do in the mean time.
Grr... why can't this whole weight loss thing be easy?! :)