Tuesday, December 22, 2009


There, I said it. I am struggling! I am, hands down, having the hardest week since being banded. I have never gone a week without a loss since my surgery. I know I am lucky and that is not the norm. But this week I am certain I will gain. I hate that idea. I have been avoiding my blog because I just don't want to be faced with the truth.

I saw my therapist this morning ( I see him once a week) and we talked about my current state. I can't help but feel like a failure. I am having a horrible time saying no to all the temptations and am eating junk at all these parties. I know rationally that I will not gain my 53 lbs back in a week or even two or even a month. But it scares me. I feel a little out of control. For the first time having no restriction is really challenging to me.

My therapist pointed out that this is not a failure but a struggle. He explained that it is like being in a storm and that I am trying to find my way. Yes, exactly. I want two things. I want to stay on track, continue to lose weight, be healthy, but I also want to be like everyone else and indulge. I was to feel "normal" at holiday get togethers. However, I am missing the restriction to remind me not to over do it.

I wish I could just let go, enjoy this time and not worry about the number on the scale. I know I will get back at it whole hog, I have no question that I will come through this. I am just worried about the damage I will do in the mean time.

Grr... why can't this whole weight loss thing be easy?! :)


Amy W. said...

I hear ya girlfriend. But it is totally normal. I haven't met one single bandster who doesnt have their off moments. For real. Can you think of one? Even the "rockstars" or those super close to goal had weeks where they made bad choices or gained. It's not easy for us...I mean HULLO! We had surgery to help us. Whatever gene or enviroment that produces thin people who can look at food as fuel and not some binge inducing orgy...we are not those. At least I am not :)

My first week of no loss was three week in...so you are lucky! You are right. You will get back on track.

I am glad you blogged about it!

Dinnerland said...

You're not alone-- but try to use some of your knowledge to your advantage. If you know you can't stop with just one, proverbially sew your mouth shut at any holiday party.
I am just on the pre-op diet, but I've made a 'no chew' rule and it is working great. Maybe do that for yourself for 1 day and see if that resets you in motion.
Don't get obsessive and crazy about the scale- if you've been losing consistently all along, you are bound to have some times where things slow.

Good ideas to break through plateauing weight:
1) Journal what you're eating
2) increase your excercise time by just 10%
3) Institute a no chew day and just do shakes to kick start yourself.

Just some thoughts-- good luck, you'll get there!!

Debi said...

I agree with Amy & Dinnerland. You have been doing so great. You are definitely one of the lucky ones to not have had a loss until now!

Just remember, the Holidays are almost over & the worst of the temptations are almost gone. You will get through this & start losing again!!

The Dash! said...

I know exactly where you are coming from, exactly... but really, what you are going through is SO normal it's not funny. Would be so much nicer if we could just cruise 24/7 with no crap in between but life just doesn't seem to deal that way - which is actually quite shit.

Once you get past Xmas and New Year you will probably slip back into your new better patterns. Just ride this wave and know that it will get better again. It is such a mental thing - our heads take over and can wreck it for us. But it won't stay like that - I promise you.

Cara xxx