Friday, January 28, 2011

Weigh In

So, Amy W posted a post about fighting the scale to get and stay below 170. It is funny, because I am having a very similar struggle. Her and I are the same height and right now, about the same weight. When I read her post I was pretty sure she had snuck into my mind and stolen it.

I have spent months bouncing between the low 170s and high 160s. I just can't seem to stay in the 160s and keep the momentum going. It is frustrating... it is anger inducing. However, I am working really hard to do. So the past couple weeks I have committed 150% to getting the weight off. I really want to hit my goal by summer. I have been doing hardcore cardio, counting my calories and protein, and working on sculpting. So, what does the scale say... anything from 171-169.

I know all the rational reasons for this, and I know the weight loss is coming. But man, it can be so frustrating! This morning I weighed in at 168.8 lbs. I lost a whole .2 lbs from last week. At least the scale is moving in the right direction.

I know there are lots of us struggling with that number on the scale right now, but like many have said... it is just a number and we will do it.

Have a great weekend all!

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Barbara, In Our Thoughts and Prayers.

Sending you love and support from blogland.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Happy Monday!

Back to the grind today. I had a fantastic weekend of relaxing, cooking, and exercise. I ate really well, worked out 5 times last week and hope to see some continued movement into the 160's. I have a busy week ahead of me, and a really strange schedule because I work Saturday and Sunday this week. The weather is extremely cold here...6 degrees this morning and I just can't get warm!

Sending you all good vibes for the week ahead!

Friday, January 21, 2011

Friday Weigh- In

Down 1 lb to 169 lbs. I will take it. I am back in the 160's and I am staying. I am not going back to the 170's again!

Happy Friday!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

I Can Totally Relate!

After I read Amy W's post about her "naked cry" I felt like I could have written that post. Lately, I have been bouncing back and forth between how much progress I have made and how I will always be fat. I feel like I just can't get out of the 170's and stay out. I keep bouncing up and down in the 160's back to the 170's. I have a really good week and feel great, just to be followed by a really hard week.

I know I have come a long way, I know I have lost a lot of weight. But I am really struggling now. I know who and where I want to be but I just can't seem to get there. I have had a great week. I am back to working out and feeling strong and making good food choices. But I still can't help but feel like I just haven't done enough, that I will never get there.

Blah... I talked to my therapist about this today. We are working on this together. I don't want to compare myself to others or decide on a goal weight based on what other people expect of me or think is a good weight for me. I want to be happy being me... and I will.

Step aerobics at 6 am tomorrow, hell yes!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Pizza= yum

It is my typical Tuesday night.. I work until 9. Tuesday are always interesting for me because I usually eat two meals at work. For lunch I had one of those DiGiorno 200 Calorie Portions pizzas. It was really good and the perfect size for a Lap Bander. It isn't the most nutritious thing I could eat but it is 200 calories and 10 grams of protein. For dinner I had this salad with cucumbers, chick peas, cheese, and vinaigrette. It was delicious!

I am still having that adjust period to my current fill level. I pb much easier now (verses when I was really tight). I am not sure why this is, but it has always been the case for me when I am a little looser. I have to be more aware of the way things are going down because it is way more possible they will come back up.

This week has already been a busy one for me and I suspect it is only going to get busier. It is also my annual review on Friday... something I never look forward to. We are assigned new yearly goals and it is always really overwhelming.

On the weight front, I haven't really seen much movement of the scale but there will be no official news until I weigh myself on Friday.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Restriction update

So as I sit here eating my "big salad" lunch (lettuce, cucumbers, egg, feta, chicken, craisins, and vinaigrette) I am trying to get a good sense of my restriction. In all honesty, I had gotten used to REALLY TIGHT. I had been overfilled since my last fill in late September and just figured I would work with it until it loosened up.

I learned a very important lesson from this all... when you are too tight you eat what you can and what is easiest. This makes it very hard to eat what is *best* for you body and health. I was shying away from "real foods" and instead eating things mushy... in fact, I had been putting chicken in the food processor to make what I like to call "chicken dust" to add to other mushy foods. It actually wasn't that bad, but when I would tell people about, of even looking back now, it is a little bizarre.

I am happy to be able to eat nutritious and filling foods again, I am happy to think about all the healthy options I can welcome back to my diet. It really is exciting. However, with this new looser band I will have be a far more responsible eater because I can eat a lot more. I am probably even on the looser side of restriction even. I can eat without too much chewing and I can eat relatively fast. I can drink while I eat... but I still have the gurgle when I eat yogurt in the morning.

At this point I am just going to roll with it and make the weight loss happen. Looking back I did my most excellent losing when I had ZERO restriction (granted that was the first 6 months after surgery and I was committed to the extreme).

Happy Saturday!

Friday, January 14, 2011

Weighed in this morning at...

170 lbs which is 4 down from my holiday gain of 6lbs! I am happy with that and feel like I am on a path to better things. I also got a .5cc unfill this morning. SO MUCH BETTER! But... also maybe too good. I will update you all tomorrow when I am able to feel it out better.

Happy Weekend for those who are lucky enough to have it... me.. I have to work tomorrow. :)

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Quick Update and Horrifying Picture

So I called my doctor today to see if I could get in for the unfill sooner then next Friday and I have an appointment for tomorrow morning. I am really having trouble with my current level and have been getting heartburn and a lot of pain while eating. I am so relieved to be getting it taken care of tomorrow!

Also, I wanted to post this horrible picture my mom sent me from June 0f 2009 with a current picture. Obviously the before picture couldn't be more horrible or less flattering but I thought it was a good likeness to who I was (both inside and out).

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Last week... eating FAIL.

Last week I had big plans for cleaning up my eating but it just didn't happen. I was still so sick and feeling horrible and unmotivated. I missed a couple days of work and stayed in bed. I also ate a few pints of ice cream (too tight with all the ick to get anything else down). I didn't lose much last week... maybe .5 lb of the 5 lbs I had gained.

So, this week I am feeling better and have the energy to get "clean". I have been making really good choices and even exercising. I feel better and hope to get the rest of the weight I gained off ASAP. I am really feeling like I want to put in the effort to lose my last 30ish lbs before summer. My new goal is to get to 145 by June 10th. It is a somewhat ambitious goal but I really think I can do it.

I have seen others recommitting to losing their weight and I am inspired by you guys as well. Here is to lbs lost in the new year!

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Quit Playing Games With My Pouch

I am getting so tired of my strange restriction. This morning I am stuck on yogurt. I am dying here.... the worst back pain ever. I am also menstrual which does make a huge difference on band tightness... but I am WAY too tight this morning. I finally decided to schedule an appointment for an unfill. I couldn't get in until the 20th, they asked if it was an emergency, which it isn't.

Normally I can get down mushies in the morning and at lunch time but still can struggle at dinner. Some days I can eat solids for lunch and dinner. However, I have started having heartburn occasionally and think that eating the way I have been is not helping my weight loss. I want to be able to eat good solid proteins again. I am thinking a small unfill will make a big difference. Looks like I am doing liquids for breakfast and lunch this week.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Vacation is over- Boo!

Back to the real world again. I have been off for the past 12 days and now I am back at work. Unfortunately, my vacation time wasn't so super because both my husband and I were sick the entire time. We seem to have contracted some miserable virus that just won't go down without a fight. I am still feeling crappy, though less, today.

All in all I had a restful and food filled vacation. I am back to the straight and narrow today. I had one too many alcoholic beverages as well as cookies and candy. Blech.. I gained about 5 lbs over the last couple weeks though I suspect a few of those lbs aren't for real. I have had soo much salt and junk that I think as soon as I have a couple good days of eating it will all melt back off.. at least most of it.

Here's to a healthy and happy New Year, I am going to try to catch up on blogs!

P.S. I didn't spend a single minute on the Internet for the last 12 days. That is crazy!