Tuesday, February 19, 2013

I hate myself and everyone else today

A bit dramatic right... yeah.  I am not sure what is wrong with me but I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.  My husband is home on midwinter break (he is a teacher) and I have to work.  I wasn't going into work today until noon.  For some reason, him being there threw off my morning.  I also forgot to take my zoloft last night, am still having back problems, and I haven't lost any weight in the last week.  I want to eat normal people food and not have to plan complicated stupid meals for myself.

Ok, now that I have whined... let me get real.  I know I will not lose weight every day or every week.  I know I lost 7 lbs last week which means I probably won't lose much this week.  I know I am learning to eat again and that this is all a process.  I know I am not being rational.  But, today, I feel sorry for myself, and I hate the person I saw in the mirror.

My husband asked me why I was having a bad morning and I burst out crying.  I told him I hate myself today and I just want to eat something without thinking about it.  I know I am being hard on myself... I know I need to stop, but I am giving myself permission to feel this way today.  I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me, I am just keeping it real.

1 comment:

TracyZ said...

You are not the only one that has these kinds of days. I refused to leave the house yesterday and I just wallowed in my own misery. I think it is pretty normal this close out from surgery to feel bad about things. It is hard to not have food as an escape or even as a normal part of your life.

Hang in there!!