A Christmas Miracle

I am down another pound. 168 today! Wohoo! I did not make my goal of 167 by today but hey, close enough for me. Hope you all have a great weekend and Happy Holidays!

Ranting

So.. I have shown unbelievable restraint and not eaten all the holiday goodness that surrounds me every day. I have been very strict, counting calories, and staying on track 100%. I get on the scale today and what do I see....170 lbs. What the hell?! I should have just eaten all those cookies I wanted.

Now to the rational part... I know that I am not really gaining weight and that I must of had a lot of salt or some other strange thing. I know the weight will drop again but it still makes me angry. I wanted that 167 bad and I am not getting it. Boo... o well. Maybe tomorrow the scale will show me something better.

I am...

A brunette again.

My band is being fickle and other news.

My band has so tight for the past few weeks. I am not sure if it is too tight or just right but I am finding myself really having to eat slowly and softer mushier foods work best. I am going to see how it goes during the holidays and if it is still problematic, I may get a small unfill. I have no issues with liquids and most soups are fine too. So really.. I am sure I could just ride it out. I just feel really limited right now. Maybe that is my Christmas blessing.

The scale continues to slowly move downwards I did see 168.6 at one point but it didn't seem to stick. I am still hoping to get to 167 by Thursday. We will see if that happens.

I wanted to attach the most fantastic soup recipe I have ever made. It is so tasty and hearty and a good source of protein. Click here for the Cheeseburger Soup of my dreams. I make is with organic 4% fat ground beef.

Hope you are all well!

90 Down + some

I am finally down 90lbs! (90.8 lbs actually). Wohoo!

170.2 lbs this morning...

I am making progress. Only 1.2 lbs to make my reasonable goal and 3.2 lbs to make my "pushing it" goal. In the next 7 days I would like to get to 167lbs. That may be a stretch but I will be happy with any loss! I am also only .2 lbs away from the 90 lbs down mark that I have been chasing for forever! Hopefully by tomorrow I should see it!

11 Freak'n Days Til Christmas!!

Holy Hannah! First off.. I am a total grinch. I hate Christmas. To me it is just over spending, over eating, over guilting, ect. But, I do have a big chunk of vacation coming up around that time.. so I am excited for that.

However, my goal is to get to at least 169, ideally 167 by Christmas. As of this morning I was 171.4. I better get my ass in gear. Tomorrow is my departments holiday party, and next Monday is our all staff party. I need to stear clear of all the yumness if I am going to make this happen.

I plan to eat whatever I feel like eating at our family Christams get togethers (which probably won't be that much). Anywho... Happy 11 days til Christmas.

I Hate...

Winter. Grumble grumble.

Just a quick post

I have had a really nice weekend so far. I was supposed to get my Christmas shopping done but ended up attending an all day event at my tattoo artists studio yesterday. Every year she does a toy drive called Toys for Tats. I got an email from her on Friday saying I should go so I told my husband we had new plans. We spent all day at her shop and I came home with a fabulous new tattoo (as did my husband). I love love love well done tattoos and have big plans to continue to add to my body. So, with no further ado... my new tattoo.

P.S. All is realitively well in band land... I am still pretty tight and food can be a struggle.

It has been a busy busy week.

I haven't been at work because I was lucky enough to be chosen for jury duty. I ended up on a criminal case full of sexual assault and abuse. It was interesting to see the process of the court system. It was also a stressful experience, and pretty emotional. None the less, I am back and work and back to the real world. The good news is, I was so busy Monday-Wednesday, and had worked the weekend before, that I have been eating really good. I also dropped all the weight I had gained from the ice cream drama and a little more.

I am still aiming for 167 by Christmas. That is 6 lbs in 2 weeks. It may not be possible, but I at least think it is worth a try. If I can make it to 169 I would be really happy, and that may be more doable. My band is really tight this week, due to the always loved "lady time". I actually love having this one week a month where my band gets tight. I could probably not live with it this tight, but for one week I do a lot of liquids and mushies, and solids only at dinner. It works.

In other news, I am counting down to my 11 days off starting December 23rd. I need a vacation people!!

Do I hate my band today?

Lately I have been having this frustrated feeling sorry for myself thing going on. First off... since Thanksgiving I have been eating like shit. But, it is more because I am too lazy to find the things that work well for me and chew and take small bites. I hate babying my band. Lately, I just want to eat like a normal person. I am frustrated because my band has been temperamental.. but this is mostly because I am not following the rules.

So, I have been eating lots of ice cream. Ice cream never sticks and goes down like a champ no matter if I scarf it or eat is slow. There is no "small bites" involved. Now, some of you may be thinking that I need an unfill because there are classics symptoms of too tight. But... it is just classic laziness symptoms. And of course, I am turning to the ice cream to make me feel better too. I am not sure what my deal has been emotionally but I am not feeling like myself.

Today, I have been sticking with great yogurt and soup.. if I am going to be lazy, at least eat things that are not so calorie laden. So far it is working.

Thanksgiving was a good time....

too good in fact. I am up a few lbs again. However, I enjoyed my time with my family and ate some really fantastic food. Now back to living healthy... easier said then done!

My husband took this picture last night. I look very strange and short but it is the angle... at least I hope it is! :)

A little pissed.

So I have been working out hardcore for the past couple weeks. I have really been trying to do lots of cardio and sculpting. So I have been putting in a good hour each day. This morning I decide to step on the scale to see what little treat I am in store for... UP 1.5 lbs.

Now I know logically all the reasons this could happen... muscle gain, retaining water, not eating enough calories... blah blah blah. But for any and all of you who have had this happen.. it is just so frustrating. So.. I didn't exercise this morning. Instead I sat around watching tv and pouting. I wanted to get to 170 or lower so bad this week... yeah.. that ain't going to happen. And it isn't as if I haven't been putting in the work.

Okay.. so after all that whining, I am done. I am over this and will get back to the exercise tomorrow. I will stay away from the scale for a few more days and see what happens.

I also thought I would include this ridiculous picture of me and a co-worker/friend from last Friday's staff inservice. We were trying out a "turn around" technique for a perfect picture. Umm.. not so much. But hey... I look like a normal person (minus the face I am making)!

Gearing Up For Thanksgiving

I am recovering from a fantastic and fun filled weekend. Friday, after work, we had dinner with friends to celebrate my birthday (very late it was 10/29). We went to a delicious Indian place and had a wonderful variety of dishes. Then we went back to the other couples place and they had made the most amazing apple pie. This is my FAVORITE apple pie. It is made with.... bacon grease. Yeah... so not healthy but incredibly tasty!

Saturday we visited family and did some shopping. Yesterday was just a recovery day, we laid around and watched movies and bad tv. I weighed myself yesterday morning and I was 172. So, I actually woke up Sunday weighing less then Friday. This NEVER happens, so that was a good weekend. I have been working really hard to work out and eat well 95% of the time. I am hoping to get off a couple more pounds before the end of the week.

I am planning on eating whatever I want on Thanksgiving... I can't eat very much anyway.. but I will have dinner and desert. I am cooking and I plan to spare no calorie! I am doing some good old fashion home cooking!

Keep on keeping on all!

What I have eaten/will eat today...

Okay, so since we are all talking about what we eat... here I go. I am not very exciting and eat sort of strange but I think that is sort of standard for Lapbanders. Also, my restriction has loosened slightly so I am able to eat cereal again and I have been enjoying it for breakfast.

Breakfast: 3/4 c Honey Nuts and Oats with Almonds and 1 c skim milk

Lunch: 3 ounces chicken breast chopped up with 2 cups lettuce, cucumbers and Asian Sesame dressing

Snack: low carb chocolate slim fast (This is a creepy guilty pleasure, I love this crap)

Dinner: 3 ounces chicken breast chopped, 1 boiled egg chopped up, craisins, 2 cups lettuce, cheese, and Raspberry Pecan Dressing

I don't usually eat salads 2x a day but I wanted to use up the rest of the lettuce, and I work until 9 tonight.

I will say... salads are sort of standard for me.. I love them and they go down well. I often also eat soup for lunch because I am pretty tight that time of day.. and often Greek yogurt for breakfast. I also eat tuna out of the can mixed with some mayo and chopped pickles, anything I make for my husband (spaghetti, lasagna, stir fry, tacos, chili) all made with white meat. I rarely eat red meat.. not because it is a problem but more because I got out of the habit. Also, pasta has never been an issue for me... no matter how tight I am.. in fact it tends to be a slider.

Welcome to the gun show...

Or not actually... but being that it is nearly Thanksgiving I thought it would be a good idea to start telling the blog world what I am thankful for. 1. I am thankful that my arms made it through 86 lbs of weight loss with minimal damage. Yeah that wobble a bit... but hell, I love them.

What Can I Say?

I have been doing super well during the work week and then pretty much blowing it all on the weekend. So.. I am pretty much just maintaining right now. I am annoyed, but I know how to fix it, and I am not devastated. October starts the "holidays" for my husband and my family. We have a birthday or holiday every single week October- the first week of January. I am just enjoying myself too much. I really need to step up the working out to make up for the eating crap. But... I am too busy enjoying life. I did have a fill scheduled for tomorrow and even though a small tweak might be good.. I know that really isn't the problem.

The other issue is that my therapist wants me to focus less on the weight loss and more on my relationships with food. This sometimes entails eating things on impulse for the mental benefits. I just don't know... it is hard when she wants me to do one thing and the surgeon is telling me something entirely different.

All in all... I am happy... I like me... and though I would love to be 30 lbs lighter, I know I will get there eventually. It is okay if it takes a while. I will admit... I still want to be 169 by Thanksgiving and I could totally do it if I would stop screwing around on the weekends.

Cheers to Hump Day!

Happy Friday!

Wohoo! I am so excited it is Friday. I have worked the last 7 days and I am exhausted! I weighed myself this morning and I am back down all but .8 lbs of the weight I gained. I feel a great deal of relief! I was worried it was going to take weeks to undo what I had done. Hopefully I can get off another 3 or 4 lbs by Thanksgiving.

So yesterday I quickly went shopping on my lunch break for a new something to wear with a pair of leggings I bought on a whim. I didn't have anything to wear with the leggings... well nothing appropriate at least. So.. I found a really cute long tunic and I had the perfect pair of boots. I decided to wear this outfit to work today and OMG... everyone commented on how great I looked. I really think it is because I have been wearing clothes that are way too big. I probably look like I lost 10 lbs over night because my clothes actually fit today. The bonus to this outfit is that it is outrageously comfortable! I will try to remember to have my husband take a picture of my tonight when I get home so I can post it.

I will need to try to do some more shopping this weekend.. I really need a few things that fit. I feel SO MUCH BETTER in cl0thes that actually fit me.

My restriction has been really strange. I am extremely tight right now and getting full fast. It is great except that in the morning liquid even kind of hurts the first couple of drinks. I am pretty sure this change in restriction is because of my special lady time. It is interesting.. since my last fill each day is a new adventure. A couple weeks ago I ate a sandwich... on a pita.. which I haven't been able to do in a long time. O well, I am going to enjoy the restriction while it lasts!

Happy Friday!

OMG, I need new clothes...

Everything feels too big!

Yeah... the five day pouch test... just kidding

I didn't even make it through an entire day of the pouch test. I made it all day at work and then got home and felt TERRIBLE. So... I ate a big salad with chicken and cheese and nuts. A good choice... just not my original plan. I decided I was not going to try for day two today. I am not sure why, but instead I have been back on the calorie counting track... so far so good.

I forgot how bad liquids sucked.

5 day pouch test

I have been wanting to give this a try for some time now... this week seemed like the perfect time. I don't know what my deal is lately but I have been pbing quite a bit lately. I think it is because I keep trying to eat foods that just don't work (toast in the morning) drinking while eating... ect. I also think I have gotten into a nasty cycle of pbing... eating... pbing because I am swollen, ect. It is just so strange... I had excellent restriction a couple weeks ago... then one day... much much less.

I did weigh myself this morning to get an idea of where I am at so that I can compare with my post pouch test results. I am up.... up about 5 lbs. This freaks me out because it just sort of proves that I can't trust myself without the regular weighing and calorie counting. I will have to talk to the therapist about this tomorrow.

So, anyway... today is day one of the pouch test. So far I have had a sugar free pudding, a protein drink, and I am currently sipping on chicken broth. I am also trying to get lots of water in. Hopefully by the end of this pouch test I can get things back to normal... stop the pouch abuse and lose some of the lbs I have gained.

Happy Monday!

Catching Up

I had a very busy weekend, my parents were in town and we celebrated my birthday (for three days straight). I did a lot of eating, not always good choices, but hey... my birthday only comes once a year. I am now trying to get myself back on the straight and narrow so that I can have a few good weeks before Thanksgiving eating comes about.

I still haven't weighed myself, but from the way my clothes fit, I would say I am staying right about the same... with maybe a few pounds gained from the weekend. I am not planning on weighing myself again until November 16th and I hope to see at least a small positive change by then.

I have had a really weird change in restriction. I have loosened up considerably and made an appointment for a fill. However, I am sort of liking the fact that I was able to eat 1/2 piece of whole wheat toast and an egg for breakfast (which has stayed with my since I ate it at 9 this morning, no lunch yet). I feel like sometimes I get so tight I am limiting good foods out. Of course when I have less restriction I must use more self control to make good decisions. I purposely scheduled my fill a couple weeks out.. the 18th... so that I could decide what I really wanted.

That is pretty much all I have to report! Hope you are all great, I am going to get to reading the blogs now!

Size 12!

I found this really great size 12 dress in my closet I bought a couple years ago as a goal dress for one of my failed diet attempts. I put it on today and it is perfect. Sorry about the blurry picture... my battery died mid photo shoot!

My birthday is tomorrow

and I am trying to wrap my mind about a new way of thinking. I haven't been blogging much, or even reading blogs because I am really trying to focus on myself. I am confused about my feelings about this whole weight loss experience. I love my band... love that I have lost nearly 90 lbs, and feel amazing. However, I just don't know if this was what I thought it would be. As I had said in a previous post I am seeing a therapist again. I really like here and feel like I had a major "ahah" moment this week.

I think I am going to take a break from the numbers, take a break from the scale and just live my life. I spend so much time counting calories, obsessing about what I am going to eat, and just not trusting myself. It is time for me to learn how to trust myself, rely on myself. So my goal is to try not to weigh myself for two weeks. I am going to just do what feels right and see how that works. I am going to just be me.

I hope you are all doing well! Have a great end of the week.

Friday Weigh In

Down 1.2 lbs. I had a less than banner eating week so I am happy. Now to get below 170 by next week... I can lose 1.8 lbs in a week right?! I think so!

Happy Friday!

Protein

I read a post about Protein on *I think* Dreams of Skinny High Heels blog. She was talking about how she got 100+ grams of protein a day. I also try to get about 100 or grams a day. I feel like I lose much better when I am getting more protein. So, I thought I would tell you all about my favorite little protein supplement. Protidiet, it is a drink mix with 70 calories and 15 grams of protein. It is sort of like a gel you mix into water and it tastes pretty good. I have tried most of the flavors but my favorite is orange. I usually drink 1 or 2 of these a day (I am actually drinking a mango peach one as I type) to get me to where I need to be with my protein. Now that I have good restriction I really can't eat before noon. This is the way I get my morning meal in and it sort of tastes like crystal light. I buy mine from mydietshopz.com.

Why?

Why do I always take one bite too many?! For the love of God... I need to learn to stop when I am ahead. Now I have that horrid upper back pain again. Grr...

If you don't have anything good to say...

I really haven't been a banner blogger lately. I am not sure why. I think mostly because I just don't feel like I have anything great or exciting to say. I have been par for the course with my band lately. Though I did some not so awesome eating over the weekend, I am pretty much on track.

I did see my therapist today and really feel like I could make some great progress with her. She is in my face just enough to push my limits (which is just what I need). I am scared to go back because I think she is going to push my limits and there are lots of feelings I have been avoiding.

In other news, my birthday is just a little over a week. The last year of my 20's!

Weigh In

And I have a loss of 2 lbs to report. I am creeping up on the 160s! I am so pumped!

Back to therapy...

I am a therapy hopper. I never stay, but I always go back... to someone new. This time I am seeing a therapist who deals only with eating disorders and eating related issues. (ME) I decided to go back because the longer I am on this weight loss journey, the more challenging I am finding things. Not just the weight loss part... but the "who am I?" part. I am not having relationship issues, or having problems accepting the change... I just don't know what I want.

I don't see myself at my current weight... I see myself as fat. I don't know what I want to weigh because I think I will always want to lose more. Don't get me wrong, I feel so much better.... but I still don't know who this new body is.

I also have some other issues.... I still can't figure out what to do with that hole that eating has left. I still want to turn to eating for comfort... but I really can't anymore.. it just isn't possible. I have a lot of questions for myself that I just don't know how to ask... so I turn to the therapist. Here we go again!

Happy Tuesday!

Just a quick note..

To say that I finally got below that 176 mark. I am now at 174.8! I finally met another goal and feel great about it! I am hoping to be 173 by next Friday... should be doable but I seem to be losing very slow these days. All my clothes are way too big lately. I had to buy a couple pairs of pants to get me by for work. I think I am going to have my mom take in a couple of sheath dresses the next time my parents visit.

Tonight I am going to a big birthday party for a friend. I am looking forward to relaxing and having a good time. I really feel like I can so much better of a time now at my weight. It isn't something I am constantly thinking about and I feel confident (most of the time).

Anyway, I have been so busy, I haven't been a very good blog buddy. I hope you all are doing great!

Freak'n A!

Okay, I am back from my conference/speaking engagement/mini vacation. I had a good time, enjoyed my long weekend and so on. I came home, stepped on the scale... 177. WTH?! I have really good restriction, have been making good choices and can not get away from the freaking 177-179. It is really pissing me off. I want to see 175 or lower by Friday... is that really so much to ask?! I guess it is.

Grr...

First....

I am so jealous of the BOOBS! I wish I could have been there... it looked amazing! Secondly, I will not be missing next year even if I have to sell my precious jewels (o wait I don't have any). I am back from my conference but am leaving on Wednesday for another speaking engagement. I won't be back until the following Sunday.

On the band front... things are good. I have great restriction, am hardly ever hungry, and can get full on 1/2 cup. That is a first for me, and I sort of love it.

Happy Monday!

Wishing you all a great BOOBS!

Hope you all have any amazing time at BOOBS! I will be thinking of you all this weekend. I am happy to say I lost 4.5 lbs this weekend bringing me to a new low! I am also officially out of the obese category and into overweight. That feels wonderful!

My new fill is fantastic, and is keeping me right on track! I have also started working out again which is making a big difference.

Have a great weekend!

Wish I was going to BOOBS

But I am not.... sadly, I will be speaking at a conference about 7 hours away. I hope you all have a good time, but seriously... reading all your blogs is making me want to stick a fork in your eyes! :) Yeah, I am jealous!

Update update

It seems that my fill is doing good things for me. I am much tighter in the morning then I am in the evening and need to eat semi soft foods for lunch. That is okay with me, I don't like to really push things at lunch (at work) and it is just easier to eat softish. I have also been much more active the past few days. I had a great weekend and took a couple long bike rides as well as walks. I am hoping that by Friday I will be down a couple more pounds.

Myself (lower left) and my husband (lower right) and our best couple hanging out at a bar on Friday. Obviously, I just can't kick that drinking. I also had some fried pickles.

Happy Monday!

Back on my way down

I got my fill yesterday and am SO glad! My doctor is great, he isn't afraid of a big ole fill now and then (even though I am). He gave me a .8 cc fill which scared the crap out of me at the time. I am at roughly somewhere between 7- 7.5 ccs now in my 10-11 cc band. My doctor is never quite sure how much is in my band but I have been trying to keep track myself.

Anyway, he was asking me about how much I could eat, what I was eating, ect. He decided a little less then 1 cc was what I needed. So he fills me... I take a sip of the water and it sits there and slowly gurgles down. This always makes me nervous. I asked him 10 times if this was okay.. he said it was great. I left and was on liquids all day yesterday.

I had yogurt this morning for breakfast and had to take it very slow, but no real problems. I am feeling good, and am excited about having better restriction. I am also on the losing side of things again getting myself back down to my pre-vacation low. I am hoping this fill is going to get me there faster.

On the not so good news side... my cholesterol was high. It was 259, something I have never seen before. I honestly think this isn't right, or it was a result of all the ice cream I ate this summer. I talked to the doctor about it and he said we will just recheck it in 3 months. I promise you this, it was be much lower in 3 months... there is no way I am losing 80 lbs and gaining a cholesterol problem!

Anyway, I am so looking forward to the weekend. I have hardly seen my husband this week (we have both been soo busy) and I want to spend some time with him.

Happy Friday!

Do you drink milk?

I was just reading this article about how milk drinkers may have a healthy weight advantage... I started thinking..a lot of people I know who drink milk with meals are thinner. I grew up in a rural part of Upper Michigan, where milk was just part of the meal time ritual. However, so were meat and potato meals with bread and real butter. The funny thing is... I didn't have a REAL weight problem until I moved out.

Just food for thought!

I weighed myself yesterday... and it wasn't good

I have gained 5 lbs. Yes, 5 whole entire pounds. Too much drinking and ice cream and general no good behavior. Now, I will repent. My sugar free cleanse seems to be going okay. I am not going to lie and say I enjoy it... I don't... but it also isn't as bad I as I thought it would be. I also feel good because I am making good choices again and going in the right direction.

I essentially went back to my doctors pre pre-op diet. It is very bland foods like oatmeal, cream of wheat, plain sugar free yogurt, skim milk, and veggies. There are a few other things in there but this is what I am eating. It is designed to bring you sugar levels back to normal and your salt level back under control. I suspect I should see some weight loss after a few days on this. I am not planning on weighing myself until Friday so I can see some actual results (hopefully).

Thursday I am going to get a fill, which I have mentioned, I need desperately. I can eat a whole lot these days with little trouble. It is funny how your restriction slowly starts to go and you just slowly eat more and one day you realize you need a fill fast.

Anyway, back on the journey!

Hope you are all well!

grumblebiscuit

I am a big ole pile of grumble biscuits today. I am hating this Monday more then most. Maybe it is because I started my week of "sugar cleansing". I have been getting way carried away with inappropriate foods lately. I have put myself on a strict cleansing eating plan... blech!

Thursday update

So, I am not sure what my deal is lately... first of all... I can eat way too much. So, I need a fill, that a certainly true. But secondly, I am just feeling so lazy about the whole weight loss thing lately. It is like I went on vacation and have never come back. I am not eating horribly, but I am also not making the best decisions. I am not really seeing any scale movement and I am not surprised.

I find myself thinking things like, "I don't really mind the weight I am at, why keep trying?" or "I will have to buy all new clothes once I lose more weight". Both of these things are true, but not a good reason to stop losing. I want to be healthy, I want to get into a normal weight category... I want to make good choices.

So I am wondering what my "real" issue is. I wonder if I am scared to lose more weight. I wonder if I have been comfortable at this weight and now am hesitant to push forward because I don't know if I will be comfortable at other weights. I am trying to look inside my mind and figure out what my real hold-up is. I am seeing now that the mental challenges are really coming to the surface. For the first year I was motivated, I was excited, this was all new. Now that real life has set in and the band has become old news I am faced with different feelings.

Maybe it is time to go back to that therapist!

Happy Thursday all!

One year + some days

So, I have been insanely busy and entirely missed my one year bandiversary last Thursday. I was busy updating my resume and applying for a new job. Things at my current place of employment are going down hill financially. As a library, we are funded by property tax. Property tax is falling in MI (and else where) which means WAY less money for us. The management and library board have almost agree (will vote this month) on a balanced budget for 2011, however, 2012 looks really bad. It looks like we will be laying people off... cutting hours.. furlough, or other things that will impact my income. I can't afford to work part time or not at all and some job opportunities have been opening up elsewhere... so I had to get my stuff together.



I would be sad to leave my current position and location but I would also like a new kind of challenge. We will see where this all goes... but anyway, things are a-okay for now.



On to my one year... I have pretty much stayed at 80 lbs down. I feel like this is something to celebrate! I would have liked to be 100 down... but honestly.. I am just going to keep on working on it and I know I can get there.



So much has changed in the past year... I feel so much better both physically and mentally.

I can do things I couldn't (or didn't want to) like hiking and biking and just walking around a festival. I am not out of breath or breathing hard. I sleep well, I don't snore, and I wake up refreshed. I feel like a somewhat normal person. I enjoy life much more. I make good eating choices MOST of the time. I enjoy clothes and shopping more.



However, I still have some work ahead of me. In the next year, I need to lose another 40ish lbs. I need to continue learning to use my tool for good and not evil... and I need to continue down a path of positive lifestyle... all still challenging, though less so.

I could not have made it this far without all my blog friends. Thank you for everything!

Vacation... and I am back

I was on vacation for one whole fabulous week. We went to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan (where I grew up) and visited family and friends. My parents have a cabin on a lake and we stayed there for the week. Lots of swimming, kayaking, boating and so on. It was so great! I did come back 3 lbs heavier.. but I don't care. There was so much great homemade pie and other wonderful things... also some grape soda... adult beverages.. ect. Now I need to get back to it. I also need a fill. I called today and scheduled an appointment with my doctor and the soonest I could get in is September 16th. That is okay though... maybe I can get my eating back on track and know exactly where my restriction is.

So anyway, I am only a few days away from my 1 year bandiversary... where has the year gone. Hope you are all well... I am going to try to catch up on all that I missed while I was gone!

I am a versatile blogger...

I must do the following:

1. Thank the person giving the award.

2. Share 7 things about yourself.

3. Nominate 15 bloggers.

4. Let your nominees know about the award.

First of all, Thank You so much miss Suzieq4givn! It is an absolute honor, and you have been a huge inspiration to me!

7 things about me:

I grew up in a very rural part of Upper Michigan. I loved it but couldn't wait to move away. Now I wish I could move back.

I have two first names, one middle name, and a last name. My first name is hyphenated so my initials spell ASS.

My favorite food is Ethiopian.

My favorite day of the year is Halloween, I love costumes!

I was in speech therapy a good chunk of my childhood for a lisp. I refused to change my ways, I like my lisp, eventhough many folks don't even notice it.

I like animals more then people.

I grow a very large organic garden every year. I always get so excited to plant everything in the spring but despise taking care of it by July.

Nominate 15 bloggers: Okay, so I have done this before... I cop out. Honestly, it is so hard to pick 15 bloggers. All of the blogs I follow inspire me and keep me motivated. So here is to all of you out there in blog land!

H&M Really?!

I had to return a couple things at the mall today and decided to wander into H&M since I had some extra time before I had to be at work. I have always loved H&M but since we got our first store in MI some years back I have never been able to fit into any of their clothes. Today I decided I would try a couple of shirts on. I ended up buying three shirts... two size 12!! And one size L! OMG! They looked great, felt amazing, and I was so excited.

Lately, I have been so busy having a social life I have pretty much just been maintaining my weight. I have been doing drinks with friends, dinners out, and parties left and right. The most fantastic thing about this is that I have been maintaining my weight loss. I may bounce up or down a .5 lb (177.5-178.5) but I am thrilled. I certainly want to continue getting the weight off... I really want to see my goal, but I am also really enjoying the spoils of my work so far. I feel like I am so much more social now... I have always been social, but now I am looking for any opportunity to go out with friends.

I have a nine days work free coming up here as well as my husband's birthday and our seven year wedding anniversary. I don't expect to have any earth shaking loses in the next couple weeks... maybe even a small gain. But I am so excited with how far I have come!

Sara Rue weight loss

I just read this article from People Magazine. She looks really great. I thought she was always beautiful and looks just as lovely now. I do wonder though... how will she keep this weight off? Will she continue on Jenny Craig forever? I believe I read, at one time, that she had always struggled with weight. I hope she is able to keep the weight off! I hope she continues to have a good relationship with food.

Okay... today's picture isn't great...

I had been outside all day, sweating and tired. However, it is still a great comparison picture from last year. The first picture was taken 8-15-2009 (just 1 day shy of a year ago) and the second one today. We have an end of the summer celebration at the library and both photos are from that event. I wish I would have worn a shirt that wasn't as big on me... but you can still see a difference!

Down a little..

I dropped just under 1 lb (.8 lbs) this week and I am happy with that. I am now down to 81 lbs down, well on my way to 85 down (my 1 year goal). I am working today, we have a huge end of summer reading celebration and I will be out in the hot hot sun today. I remember last year, I was 259 and miserable. I was hot, my feet hurt, and I felt huge. Today I feel pretty good about myself and don't mind wearing my summer clothes. Hopefully I will have a comparison photo for you later today!

Have a great Saturday all!

Have I Ever Told You?

You all who blog and comment and even just read, are all so amazing. I am inspired everyday by the honesty and care that this group puts out. Thank you!

Happy Tuesday!

On the weight front, I am still hanging right about the same place as I was last week. No real movement on the scale, but I am have been busy socializing so I haven't been eating as carefully. I am okay with that as long as I don't gain. I am hoping to get 1 or 2 lbs off by the weekend though, so it is time to start focusing.

My band has been very strange the last few days. Just when I think I can eat anything, I eat something that is usually really easy for me and ~stuck~. Monday night I had a taco (usually really easy) had two bites and had to stop, about a half an hour later I pbed. I actually think my restriction is right where I want it to be. If I am very very careful I can eat a bit of bread, but still can't over do it.. even on chips.

One week from Friday I start my nine day vacation. At this point I am just counting down the days. I can not wait to enjoy the beautiful weather and spend time with my husband! Summer is such a busy time for me at work.. I can't wait to take a break.

Hope you are all well!

P.S. Thanks to all who follow me, and welcome to the new folks!!

I did it! 80+ down!!

Woohoo!! I weighed in today at 178.8 lbs. That is a grand total of 80.2 lbs down! I hope I can keep this ball rolling right on to 169. It feels great to be the in the 170's again!

Seemed to have losened up...

Magically, I feel a little loser this morning. I did liquids yesterday as many of you suggested and I will be doing mushies today. I think I may have had some swelling. Knock on wood... I should be okay with my current fill level if things continue this way.

I was also down on the scale this morning and I only have 1.6 lbs let to get to 80 down. I hope I can make that happen in the next couple days!

Thanks everyone for the advice, and welcome to my new followers!!

Confused...

Okay... first of all.. yesterday was my 11 month bandiversary. I feel like I have learned a ton in the last 11 months and that my band has just become part of my life.. not my entire life. It was clearly a fantastic decision and I would do it again in a heart beat... however, I still find myself perplexed some times.

I feel like I am incredibly tight all the sudden. I have major gurgle when I eat my yogurt for breakfast and can only eat 3 or so bites of solid protein at lunch before I get that pain between my shoulders. Dinner is a bit better, I can probably eat 6 bites of solid protein. I have been experimenting with foods and it seems like most things work the same way. I have had some issues with pbs (last week is was like every other day but it was also my period) but since then, not really. I just worry that I will not be able to get enough protein in during the day and I really don't want to have to drink my protein.

So... I see my doctor on Thursday and I am now wondering if I need a small unfill. Or... do I stick it out? It has been nearly a month since my last fill and I felt perfect for the first two weeks.. then I had my period.. got really tight and had lots of trouble. Now I am having less pb issues but still feel tight. I need some advice!!

What do I do?!

Grr... did not make it to 179

Yeah, I am kind of pissed... seems that I am stuck and the scale will just not give up that magical 179. O well... hopefully by Friday. I worked all weekend and didn't get much activity in. I have been eating fairly well but not keeping as close count on my calories as I usually do.

I generally chart everything I eat because I enjoy being in control. I have an appointment with my band doctor on Thursday and I am trying to decide what I need. I feel like I could use a little tweak because I am not staying full for more then a couple hours... however, I am also pretty restricted and have to be very aware when I eat.

Anyway, Happy Monday all! Hope you all had a great weekend!

Working on the weekend...

Is a big bummer!

Thinking about the future

I weighed myself this morning and I am already losing my vacation weight. I am hoping by next Monday I can be 179. I am not sure if it will really happen, but I would love it if it did. I am trying to be very aware of what I am eating and eating only when I am hungry. So far so good.

I am scheduled to see my doctor next Thursday and I am wondering if I need a fill. I feel like I have decent restriction but I can still eat more then a cup at a sitting. I also am not staying full for 4 hours. I am thinking maybe I will get a small tweak.. maybe .25 cc.

Anyway, I have been thinking about my impending 1 year bandiversary. It is just shy of 5 weeks away. I had hoped to be 100 lbs down, obviously that will not happen. I would have even settled for 90 lbs down, but I don't think that will happen either. Now I am shooting for 85. I have to say, earlier on in my journey I would have been devastated by the thought of only being 80 + lbs down in a year... but now.. I am thrilled. I know I will get the rest of the weight off and more importantly, I know I will keep it off.

I also feel pretty good about myself at my current weight, though I still have a ways to go. Bottom line is, I feel good! I had quite a few struggles this year. I didn't have any real restriction until about 6 months out and then was forced to have an entire unfill a month later. Now I have finally gotten good restriction (at month 10.5) and am really enjoying my band.

In the beginning I always felt pressure to keep up and to lose fast... but now I know that each journey is different and mine is still a huge success.

Quick vacation... so refreshed

I had a quick little weekend away this past weekend. We drove up to my parents house in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. It was fantastic. Unfortunately, their dog had died the day before we left and it was somewhat unexpected. She was only five and was very much adored by my parents. They struggled with it the entire time we were there but I think our visit was a good distraction.

Anyway, we spent lots of time in the water (they have a place on a small inland lake). I also ate a ton of pie and ice cream... yeah not so good but ooooooohhhh so good! I am up a little over two lbs today. I am a-okay with that. Each pound was so worth it. My band was pretty good, but of course, the pie and ice cream just slid right down.

In other news, I just finished my application to go back to school (again) for a certificate in Competitive Intelligence and Knowledge Management. I hope to be starting the program in the fall. I am not sure exactly what I want to be when I grow up... but I do think that this certificate will help me get there.

Happy Monday all!

The scale is moving... and in the right direction

Down another 1.2 lbs this morning. I am pushing closer and closer to that 80 lb mark (only 2.2 lbs) !!

Woohoo!

Tuesday brings a better day.. right?!

So, I am over my little cranky bitchfest last night. My husband apologized and I realized I was being over sensitive. I have been stressed lately and yesterday I just seemed to fall apart. I feel better today and even saw a small loss on the scale (.6 lbs but that is still a loss right). I did however, have a horrific pb again today. I ate lunch before I left for work at noon. I started eating early enough so I would have a half an hour to slowly enjoy my lunch. Everything was fine when I left the house. I was planning on eating a sugar free pudding because I wanted something sweet but didn't have time so I ate it when I got to work.

I got to work, sat down and started going through email and ect. I slowly ate my pudding and about half way through I realized there was a problem. I threw my pudding away and thought it would pass. I had to be on the reference desk at 1 and realized right about that time I was not okay. I was sliming really bad so I went to the bathroom but just mostly slimed. I knew there was more to come. I started walking to the reference desk and realized I was in trouble. I ran back to the bathroom.. more slime. I thought it would pass so I went to the desk. I was there for about 5 minutes and knew I need to get someone to cover for me so I didn't have to keep running back and forth.

I went out to my car (my usual puke plan because it is just too weird when my co-workers are walking in and out of the bathroom) and proceeded to puke pudding 3 times. Now, I am wondering... I kind of struggle with my pbs. I am jealous of those of you who just open your mouth and out the stuck thing comes. It usually takes me multiple pbs to get unstuck.

Anyway, another lesson learned. I guess eating pudding after a meal is alot like drinking. At least it had the same effect for me.

Only tomorrow and a half day left for me to work this week... then I have a few days off! Woohoo!

My non-band rant...

Here's the back story. Okay, so I work full time... some evenings and weekends some "9-5" days. I am a librarian so I work "library hours". My husband is a teacher, so he has summers off... sort of. He also teaches summer school so he works for five weeks in the summer Monday- Thursday 7:30-noon. Next week is his last week of summer school and then he will have 5 weeks off. He also coaches basketball (which he loves but that can also be time consuming). Right now he isn't coaching only teaching summer school from 7:30- noon.

I can him on my way home from work today (about 5:20ish) to make sure leftovers are okay for dinner. He says he would rather go out. I don't want to do this for a couple of reason, 1. I don't want to spend the money 2. I don't want to eat extra calories which always seems to happen when we go out 3. we will be eating out a lot over the weekend. So I bring up leftovers again.. he doesn't want it (honestly I don't either, it is leftover shrimp and I don't even like shrimp that much the first time around). So, I say I will make a turkey meatloaf and sweet potato fries. He says that sounds good. So I make dinner, it is all in the oven and his cell phone keeps ringing. Finally he answers and it is some of the guys he coaches with... they want him to come play basketball.

He gets off the phone and says to me, "I have to go play, they are begging me". I instantly become irate. I don't say anything but he knows I am pissed. He goes upstairs and changes clothes and comes back down and says, "are you mad at me?" I tell him I am and that he hurt my feelings. I worked all day (he was at home since 12:30 playing video games *I didn't say that* and I came home and made dinner). I was tired and didn't feel like cooking. I just wanted to eat leftovers so I could relax but he didn't want that so I made something else and he is leaving?!

I am so pissed. I am tired... I was hungry (ate dinner myself) and I feel like I am not appreciated. I am probably totally overreacting but I am so tired of doing all the cleaning and cooking while working so that he can go out with friends and play video games when he gets home. Don't get me wrong, my husband is an extremely hard worker and always does extra stuff (lunch duty, coaching, summer school) to make some extra money but for some reason I can't get over this. I even started crying... it really hurt my feelings.

Anyway, thanks for listening to my rant.

Hope you all have a good night!

You know what pisses me off?!

Being stuck at 184 for like two weeks. Not just stuck there... but working my ass off to get away from 184 and I just keep seeing it over and over and over. It is like freak'n ground hog day! I know this is normal... but that doesn't make it any less frustrating. It is especially frustrating because I have seen 180 before and I just can't seem to get back there. I want to get to that 80 lb mark so bad... but no, my body just doesn't want to budge.

Anywho... keep on keep'n on. I have some time off the end of this week and will be enjoying my free time... hopefully a few lbs lighter... I am just saying. At least I don't look like this anymore!

Worst stuck EVER!

I am working today... boo hiss... and I brought a frozen meal for lunch. It is some pasta and chicken thing. I do not have issues with pasta ever. I even kind of feel like it is a slider for me. I am also much much tighter at lunch then I am at dinner. So... I make my little frozen entree and start eating. I get about half way done with it and *WHAM* stuck. I am eating lunch with a couple of co-workers/friends and they know all about my band. I try to fight down the slime but it is BAD. So I get up go to the bathroom and slime and slime and slime.

I think I feel better so I go back and sit with my co-workers. At this point I am still hoping maybe I can eat the rest of my lunch (I am still hungry). So I sit and wait... start sliming again... go the bathroom and big time PB. The stuck chicken comes back up. I feel better right away. So I wait a few minutes and decide to just eat the pasta. One bite... stuck. I start sliming right away, am hurting bad... back to the bathroom.... tons of slime and pbing but not feeling any better. This goes on for an hour! I finally drive to the store to get some papaya enzymes. I take 9 of those and start to feel better.

Finally at 3:45 I try to eat the yogurt I brought with me for a snack. It went down... no pb.. I feel better. Looks like mushies for dinner.

What did I learn from this:
~Do not EVER eat frozen meals with meat.. it is too tough
~Do not try to eat regular foods again after a pb.. go easy
~Papaya seems to actually help.. take it as soon as stuck
~I am much tighter at lunch then at dinner

Ugh... what a miserable way to spend a couple hours at work! Anyway, no other real weekend plans. Hope you all are enjoying your weekends!

Eating and Life

It has been a really great week of eating. I am so happy I have decent restriction, although I do need another fill to get me to sweet spot heaven, but I am not willing to complain too much now! I have been eating less and getting satisfied sooner. The tricky part is that I am not staying full as long as I would like to. This is why I need another fill.

This week I have been very mindful and have lost all the extra weight I gained in the past few weeks, however, I still need to lose a few more to get to my all time low. I just really want to get to that 80 lb mark. Being that the weekend is soon apon us I always get more worried about eating. I have a really hard time staying on track on the weekends... we eat out a lot more and I am just not on my regular schedule.

I am hoping to go somewhere for some good fish this weekend. I like fish but I do not like it when I or my husband cook it. I am really weird about fish... I grew up in a very rural area and never ate fish from a store... I only ate fish that was fresh caught and I got to be a very picky fish eater. I was too spoiled.

Anyway, I have to work Saturday but am off tomorrow. I think we are going to go mini golfing.. I haven't done that forever!

HUMP

Day!! Woohoo!

What's different this time?

Are there some collar bones starting to show...maybe!

I have been thinking a lot lately about what is different this time around with my weight loss. Obviously, this is the first time I have lost weight after weight loss surgery. But, there are so many things that feel different this time around.

For one thing... I know I am going to succeed. Some mornings I wake up feeling like this weight will never be gone, but most of the time I feel good about how far I have come and know that even if it takes a couple years.... my excess weight will be gone.

I also feel like, for the most part, I have really committed to changing my lifestyle. There are some things (exercise) that I will probably always be fighting but I know I will always keep trying. Which brings me to trying... I keep on trying. Even if I have a couple or few or even a month of sub par eating, I eventually get back to it. Sure I could have lost a lot more weight by this point if I had been on track 100% but I have lost a great deal of weight living the life I can continue living forever.

I have a huge support system. Mostly being all of you bloggers and followers. My husband and family is also very supportive but they just can't relate. Seeing all you folks who are going through the same struggles and understand exactly what this experience is like makes a big difference.

And of course my band is here to help me... I could not do this without my band. Speaking of my band.. my restriction seems to be pretty good these days. I am filling up much faster and am really limited with portions... however, I am not staying full as long as I would like. I probably still need a small tweak to get me to that "ideal" restriction but I am so happy for what I have.

Happy Tuesday!

Friday! Woot!

I am SO glad it is Friday. So far my restriction seems to have improved... however I am still not entirely sold on it... we will see next week if it tightens up. I will say that when I ate my yogurt for breakfast this morning it sort of gurgled down. That is a good sign! I am going to try really hard not to weigh myself for a week... I have been a little scale obsessed lately and it just isn't moving which makes me cranky.

Not much planned for the weekend but I wouldn't mind going to the beach. I am also really looking forward to sleeping in.

Happy Friday!

Had that fill... the numbers aren't adding up... or are they?

Okay, so today I went in for my fill. Dr. Katz gave me 1.5 cc fill. I am on liquids today so I am not sure about the level of tightness but the water was slower to go down this time. I still don't think I am at my sweet spot but I feel like I am getting closer.... again. So the weird thing is... I am now at 6 ccs. When I had a complete unfill a month and a half ago I was at 5.5 ccs (or so my Dr. thought) and I was at perfect fill level... anymore would have put me over the edge. So I can already tell that at 6 ccs I do not feel as tight as I did when I got that final fill to bring me up to 5.5 ccs.

I don't understand... I haven't lost much weight if any. My best guess is that he didn't really pay that much attention when he took the fill out... in fact, I am betting he just guessed. He is not a huge fan of keeping track of the actual number... and I was unfilled at an emergency appointment and I don't even think he wrote it down. So... what is my magical number I wonder?!

I couldn't get another fill appointment until August 5th which is exactly one month from today. I am going out town a couple of times in the next month, both of which were his next available appointments. I do usually get tighter about one week after a fill. I am hoping at that one week point I will a decent and tolerable amount of restriction... isn't that all we ever wish for?!

Happy Thursday, one more day until the weekend!

Fill Tomorrow

Can't Wait!

Holiday Worldwind... and I need a fill (story of my life)

I had a very busy, and mostly fun filled holiday weekend. We had my husband's step grandfather's viewing and funeral on Thursday and Friday.. I had to work Saturday, a family get-together on Sunday and spent yesterday at the beach. Whew... the time really flew by. It was nice to have Monday off so we could relax a bit.

I ate pretty bad on Sunday, but it seems to have all worked itself out as I didn't gain anything. I am still hovering around the same weight. Any restriction I once had was gone. The weird thing about this is the last time I was at this fill level I had okay restriction. On Sunday I ate a hot dog on a bun and a sloppy joe on a bun. No issues... oww... and I was drinking while eating (just call me a model bandster). It kind of freaks me out that I am not feeling anything. I am not sure if the unfill changed things for me and if it will take more fluid to get me to good restriction.

I have a fill on Thursday and I can't wait! I just hope he is willing to give me a good fill. Now I am going to try to catch up on all your blogs! Happy Tuesday.

Restriction, how I love thee.

First of all, I stumbled apon the picture which may have been my "last straw". I remember when I saw this picture of myself... I was wearing a sweater I thought was slimming (I guess cause it was black).. not so much. The picture next to it is my last update photo at 189. I am not weighing a few pounds less but nothing significant.

On to other news, I have actually been able to manage with much smaller portions for the past couple days. It feels incredible. The scale is back on its way down... only a half a pound or so... but hey those add up. I felt so good about my eating I started working out again today... did a good hour of step aerobics and felt amazing.

Unfortunately my husband's step-grandfather died today. It has been expected for some time now, he has been very ill for many years. We will be at the viewing on Thursday and the funeral on Friday. We aren't really that close to that side of the family, but I am sure it will still be stressful and emotional.

I am now counting down the days until my next fill... 9 as of today. I think (if my doctor is willing) I can get back to my sweet spot this fill. I was only there for about a month before I had my complete unfill. I barely got to enjoy it. I just want to get it back.

Take care all!

PB made my day!

I have NEVER been so happy to pb in my life. I was eating my salad today at lunch and noticed it was going down a little "rougher" than usual. So I slowed down but continued eating. All the sudden I took a bite and knew I was in trouble. I barely made it to the bathroom in time... the slime was so bad and then up it came.

Why does this make me so happy?! This is the first sign of restriction I have had in a month. It always takes me a little while to tighten up after a fill (usually about a week). Last night I was eating with no problem... today.. problems. I know I am not at my sweet spot and had already scheduled an appointment for another fill... but man, I am so glad to have some restriction! My next fill is July 8th and I wasn't sure how I would make it that long.

I have really been struggling to lose any weight at all and have pretty much just been maintaining. Hopefully now I can start to see that scale move down down down.

Happy Monday all!

Finally... a fill, restriction however.. I am not sure.

So today I saw my doctor for another fill. He gave me 1.5 ccs. That puts me at 4.5 ccs. When I was having trouble with my stomach a few weeks ago and he completely unfilled me I was at 5.25 ccs. I felt like I was sitting pretty in the green zone, minus those horrid stomach pains. I really wanted 2 ccs today but the doctor was afraid to fill me too quickly so I had to deal with 1.5. I am sure I will see a difference with this fill, however so far nothing to report. I am on liquids though and unless I am at my sweet spot I really can't tell with liquid. My fills also take about a week to kick in normally so I may not be able to tell until late next week.

I was up a few pounds and still hanging around 186, but I am okay with that. I have been back on track for the last week and that is all I need to get that weight back off. The liquids today will also help to jump start things again. I do need to start working out again. The only real exercise I have been doing is walking my dog and that really isn't that impressive. I did order the zumba fitness kit and can't wait to get that. I really don't have a lot of opportunities to take classes because my work schedule is crazy and ever changing.

I have a really fun weekend ahead. Friday we are going to a folk festival with some of our friends and out to dinner. I am sure I will do some drinking and hope not to do too much damage. We are also planning to spend a day at the beach which is my all time favorite thing to do in the summer!

Anyway, only one more day of the week before the weekend! Hope you all are doing well!

Summer Reading Sign Up

Monday was the first day of summer reading here at the library. Here is a picture from this year (on the left) and one from last year +75 lbs (on the right).

Tomorrow is my fill!! Can't wait! I have dropped some of the weight I gained but still up. My doctor is not going to be impressed! :)

Happy Wednesday!

First day of summer...

and I am really enjoying the summer weather, gardening, and hopefully beach soon. We have been having some really beautiful Michigan weather! Lots of sun and warm temps.. I am truly enjoying it. Actually, I just haven't had the time to blog because I have been out living my fabulous life.

I did talk to my doctor last Friday about my impending gallbladder doom. He said he looked at the ultrasounds and didn't feel like I really needed my gallbladder out right now. He said it certainly has stones but the fact that I haven't had many problems and that the stones have probably been there for a while... he thinks we should just wait. I LOVE this plan. I have had so many surgeries in the last couple years, I just don't feel like recovering again.

My weight is still up but I am working at it. I have an appointment for a fill on Thursday and hopefully this will get me back to my sweet sweet sweet spot. He isn't usually stingy about big fills so I have my fingers crossed.

I have to say... I am also really loving being much thinner this summer. I don't mind wearing warm weather clothes or participating in summer activities.. Wow, I forgot what that felt like.

Lastly, I wanted to say that I am still stopping in and reading everyones blogs... I just haven't been commenting. You are all doing amazing, even those of us who are having some bumps in our roads!

Up, Up, Up, and Hopefully Soon Away

I noticed a gaining trend in blogland lately. I am not sure if it is just because we have all been so busy... are tired of working at it and took a break... or like me have no restriction and have been eating things I shouldn't. I am up about 5 lbs in 3 weeks. I updated my ticker today because I needed to face the music.

I have been eating really good all day at work but then seem to blow it when I get home. I am just so hungry and haven't dealt with hunger like this in some time. My motivation is so far gone and I am tired of dieting (why I got the band). I will see my doctor a week from tomorrow (And hopefully get a big fat fill) and I am going to work really hard to get these 5 lbs back off in the next week.

We are dealing with some big family drama... my husband's grandmother is very ill and we have been driving to her house everyday (about an hour drive). We don't get home until late and often pick up something on the way home. Obviously I am not making the best choices. And, you know what, I am tired. When I am tired I don't want to have to think about making good choices. I just want to eat and go to bed.

And all of this sounds like a bunch of excuses. Time to face the music and get my crap back in line.

Just surviving!!

I am having such a hard time with the lack of restriction. I have lost all of it... not even drop of it left. I am hungry and eating tons. Blah... can't wait to get a fill again. I am waiting for my doctor to call me about my gallbladder.. as I said before.. I am hoping to wait a few months before having surgery. I want to get my restriction back and have a great summer while I am preparing for surgery.. again.

Happy Sunday all!

Abdominal Ultrasound

Had my abdominal ultrasound today and.... my gallbladder is full of stones. Not good... I am hoping to hold off on surgery until September but I am pretty sure that isn't going to happen. I have an appointment with my doctor next week to talk about it. So it seems like so many banders have had gallbladder problems... add me to the ranks!

Boo... o well... that thing has to weigh at least a few ounces right?

It is possible I may eat my arm...

because I am starving!! This fill is certainly not doing it for me! I need WAY more restriction! I have been working really hard to count my calories and stay on track during this time of limited restriction. It is working for me... sort of. I am debating if I should call and make an appointment with my doctor for next week or if I should wait a couple weeks. I know he wanted me to be patient.. but he didn't give me any time line and I am hungry!

I am thinking I am going to call and see what I can get in to the office... it will probably be a couple weeks before I can get an appointment anyway. I am feeling good otherwise, and am not having any problems with eating. Tomorrow morning is my ultrasound... I can hardly wait.

In other news, my sister and her mass of children (3) are coming to visit this weekend. I am going to be so tired by Sunday evening! But... we do have a good time and I enjoy seeing her family.

I desperately need a vacation!

Upper GI, Dr. Katz, and Tuesday Tuesday

So I had an upper GI this morning at 8 am. My doctor is about an hour away and with morning work traffic I had to get up EARLY. I was so tired by the time I got there. Dr. Katz checked everything out and said my band looked just right. He decided he would give me 4 cc's, I had 5.5 cc's when I had great restriction.

I really wanted 4.5 so he decided to fill me under flouro. At 4 cc's I couldn't even get the barium down! How is this possible?! He said restriction is so strange and sometimes it takes time for the saline to settle in. I ended up with 3 cc's and all seems fine. I had some yogurt and cottage cheese today and didn't have any issues. I am staying full (I had it at about 10 am and am still feeling satisfied). I am sure in a couple weeks I will be begging for another fill. I am just glad everything looked okay and I am willing to go slow if that means the band is safe and sound.

I have my abdominal ultrasound on Thursday to check out the gallbladder. I doubt that is an issue because I haven't had any problems since the unfill. I am however, willing to do anything to make sure I am good to go and can continue to get fills and lose weight.

In other news... a whole lot of nothing. The weather has been really nice here and I have been working in my gardens. I am already harvesting some of my veggies. Yumm-o!

Hope all of your are doing well!

Updated my ticker... blah!

So, I finally sucked it up and updated my ticker. I am up 2.something lbs. Honestly, I am really happy that is all I gained. If I can keep it at that until I get my fill I am good. I have been trying to be very careful about the choices I make but it hasn't been easy.

My husband is a teacher and we have been going to tons of graduation parties.. in fact we have another tonight. I am working both today and tomorrow so that should keep my eating reasonably under control because I am so busy. Only 3 more days until my upper GI. I have been feeling fine so I am guessing I am going to be good to go on the fill. At least I am praying I am good to go!

No real other updates to post. Hope you all are having a fantastic weekend!

June 8th?!

Okay, so the doctor's office called me back today to let me know that my appointment for my upper GI will be at 8 am on June 8th! June 8th!!! That is a week away. I know really... a week isn't THAT long to wait. But it so is... I am struggling here. I had hoped I could get in before the end of the week.. but of course.. no go.

I am hungry all the time. It isn't head hunger... it isn't emotional eating. I am hungry. I know I am eating things I wasn't eating before.... because I can. I have had lots of bread and know I need to cut back on that again. I am so scared I am going to get off track and will have to do all this backpedaling once I have restriction again.

When I was going through the first 6 months of bandster hell I had lots of motivation and that helped to keep me on track. Now that I am almost 9 months into my weight loss, it is so much harder to find motivation inside myself.

I know all I need to do is go back to the "band rules" and in theory I should be good to go. But I feel so out of control. It is amazing to me that after all the weight loss, after being so happy about the progress I have made, that I can still let food have such a hold on me.

I have a plan.. but now I need to follow it. Seven days... I can do anything for seven days right?!

OMG...

Life is really hard with a full unfill! I don't remember how I did it before... ugh! I am hungry!

Update....

So, I went back to see my doctor this morning and he did indeed do an entire unfill. He was concerned about the pain I was having and is scheduling me for an upper gi and gallbladder ultrasound next week. He gave me a very long talk about how I have come WAY TOO FAR to start back tracking now and that I really need to work that willpower for the rest of the week. He said if everything is fine with my upper gi next week he will fill me right back up on the spot so I really only have to be without restriction for a week.

Of course this week happens to fall on a huge eating holiday. It is funny, before the unfill I had this big plan. I knew I could do with or without restriction. How quickly things change when you start to feel the hunger again. However, I had a salad with boiled egg and chicken for lunch and had no pain. This is the first time in 3 days I have eaten solids and it wasn't painful. I am so happy about that. But man, I could eat as fast as I wanted, and probably as much as I wanted. So far so good... but this is going to be a TOUGH weekend!

Thanks for all the comments and concern, you all are great!

WTH?!

So, starting yesterday, whenever I try to eat solids I get a massive sharp pain in my stomach. Not up high around my band but down in my lower stomach. I talked to my doctor today and he asked if I wanted to cocme in and meet him at the hospital. I had to work until five and asked if I could come in tomorrow instead. So, I will see him tomorrow morning at his satalite office.

He doesn't really know what it is, but he said he will probably do an unfill. I am not sure if we are talking a full unfill or just a partial. I haven't had a fill in about 7 weeks and this is the first issue I have had. I have been feeling progressively tighter over the last few days. I hope it is not something bigger like a slip or something else... however, I am glad I am going in. I don't want to let any problem fester so that it turns into a problem.

I have only been able to comfortably have liquids (no pain) and have had a couple of protein shakes today. The Dr. said to stay away from solids until I see him. I am not devastated or really even freaked out about an unfill... even if it is a full unfill. I am way more freaked out about doing damage if I leave it the way it is.

I am not going to lie though.... I have thought once or twice about a brat on a bun this weekend! :)

I will keep you all posted! Happy middle of the week!

Monthly check in with Dr. Katz

I saw Dr. Katz today and weighed in at 181 lbs (down 78)! It felt great! I was down 12 lbs since I last saw him 5 weeks ago. He was very pleased with my weight loss and told me to keep up the good work. I didn't get a fill as I am still sitting with really good restriction. In fact, ever since I got sick I think I am a little too tight. I can keep down solids but get stuck a lot more. I don't pb a lot but it does happen sometimes. I almost wish I would have gotten a tiny unfill today as I had an extremely hard time eating chili at lunch. If I don't loosen up a bit after a week or two I might have a small unfill.

Though this restriction may sound good... it is very limiting and I am not eating as many healthy foods as I would like. I eat a lot of the same softish safe foods and I don't think that is good nutrition. I just keep thinking that once I am over my sickness entirely I will loosen up a bit.

I can't believe I am so close to 80 lbs down! I am hoping to get there before the end of the week, but I don't know if that will happen. I know with the holiday weekend and LOTS of plans I probably won't stay on my A Game. I am okay with that... but I know I will pay a price for it. But, as we always say... "this isn't a diet... it's a new way of life".

Happy Tuesday!

Down a little a more this morning....

I was down to 181.8 this morning. So close to being out of the 180's! Here are some new photos of me at my before weight and current weight. Below is today's outfit... I felt really good in it.